Because it's my first time in love
W. Flower Seed
I thought you wouldn't remember,
No, I thought you wouldn't remember…
Taehyung clearly remembered what happened a year ago.
After many twists and turns, first period ended. As soon as the bell rang, I ran out of the classroom, using the bathroom as an excuse. It was my first time here, so I didn't even know where I was, but it felt like ages had passed since I'd rushed out. Only when I realized I was completely out of the classroom did I slump against the wall, using it as support.
‘So, why did you try to pretend not to know?’
‘We’ve only met twice, so it’s a bit… awkward to pretend to know each other, isn’t it?’
‘So what? I know your face, so I know what I know.’
‘That’s true, but…’
Taehyung kept asking me why throughout class, and I couldn't tell if the lecture was going in through my ears or nose. And he was so persistent that as soon as the bell rang, he followed me, relentlessly chasing me as I ran out. Even when I yelled, "I'm going to the bathroom!", he insisted on taking me there. Only when Taehyung was out of sight did I finally manage to laugh out loud.
“No, I heard you transferred schools yesterday too. You said you knew where the girls’ bathroom was and could take you there.”
And then there's the pretty boy who takes me to the bathroom, and the girls who will look at me strangely, and the scandal that will follow me from the first day of transfer... Ugh, just thinking about it makes my head spin.
After a while of catching my breath, I heard a loud vibration from my uniform pocket. The caller was [Song Kang]. It seemed like he had only just heard the news of my transfer. Normally, it would be natural to say hello to my classmates the day before transferring, but I'm really shy... Well, I don't have any friends to say hello to besides Song Kang, so I just told my homeroom teacher to tell the kids roughly. But Song Kang, who was in a different class, seemed to have heard the news late.
“Haa-, I’m sure she’ll be upset and ask why I didn’t tell her.”
If other people saw it, they'd say, "You can't talk to a childhood friend, can you? That's too harsh." But from my perspective, there was nothing I could do. Perhaps it was because we'd been together 360 out of 365 days since we were little, but Song Kang strangely refused to leave me. In middle school, whenever he made a few friends, he'd always join us at play, making it obvious that he was uncomfortable for the other kids.
Although Song Kang was uncomfortable at times, I couldn't openly express my dislike. Because when I think about 'that incident' when I was young, that's all I could do for Song Kang... However, I was worried that if I kept doing this, Song Kang would fall even further later. So, I took a somewhat strong-arm approach... and somehow, my predictions were never off the mark.
"hello."
“Hey!, Yoon Soo-hyun… How could you say that without saying anything!…”
A voice filled with suppressed frustration and anger leaked out over the phone. I had somewhat expected this reaction, but I was quite taken aback by the more intense reaction than I had anticipated.
“Do you know how flustered I was when I visited your class? I always went with you, and you must have thought the other kids didn’t even know I transferred!”
Oh, I didn't think of that. I was being considerate and left, but I ended up making Song Kang into an indifferent man who doesn't even remember his friend. "I'm sorry," I said playfully, and Song Kang spoke in a more gentle tone than before.
“Why on earth didn’t you tell me?”
“Well… I was worried you’d come after me from school.”
The answer was simple. "Hey, no way, he'd follow me to school," anyone who said that truly didn't know Song Kang. He transferred schools in middle school because of his mother's work, and the one who followed him was none other than "Song Kang."
Song Kang on the other end of the phone didn't deny it. At this point, I thought once again that it was a good thing I didn't say anything.
“…Still, I’m really sad.”
“I’m sorry… but I couldn’t help it.”
"If I don't do this, I'm afraid you won't be able to make friends. I feel the same way," he added. "It wasn't a lie that I said it was for Song Kang. It's just that my concerns for Song Kang and my own are mixed together."
“…Aren’t you going to tell me? Where is the school?”
Song Kang's face flashed across the phone. His face, slumped, his expression pitiful. I'd been fooled by that face, staying by his side until now, but not anymore. We were 19, high school seniors, about to become adults. We might have to part ways for a long time someday. So, it was time to gradually build some distance. "Yeah... sorry." His voice cracked, his voice cracking.
“…You are really cruel.”
“Even if it’s cruel, there’s nothing I can do-.”
I blurted out, a laugh involuntarily, at Song Kang's antics. He's bigger than me, hands and feet, yet his actions are no different from when we were kids. I don't know how he protected me back then...
Time flew by. Soon, it was time to finish my paperwork, and I had to hang up. Song Kang on the other end of the line still seemed to be complaining, his voice tapping and grumbling, but his tone was noticeably brighter than before.
“I have to go in now.”
“I don’t want to quit…”
“You should go to class now.”
Haa— Even though he let out an annoyed sigh, he listened carefully to what I said. Before hanging up, Song Kang asked, “Then, can we meet after school?” I nodded in response.
“Okay, I’ll come to your house in a bit.”
Okay. Good luck in class. With that voice, the call ended. I put my phone in my jacket pocket, brushed the dirt off the hem of my skirt, and stood up. I'd managed to escape Taehyung, but now it was truly time to go back.
however,
“You’re talking on the phone for so long.”
As I was about to turn the corner and head back to the barn, Taehyung, who had been leaning against the wall as if he was waiting for the call to end, slowly turned his head towards me. I was so startled for a moment that I felt my heart drop to the tips of my toes.
“Yes, how are you here…”
"You've been looking for a long time." Unlike Taehyung, who spoke calmly, I had a thousand thoughts running through my head. "Why, why, you, me?" But, lacking that kind of courage, I swallowed it down again.
I now slammed my head down and shut my eyes tightly until he spoke first. What should I say now… Should I ask him why he didn't pretend to know me? Should I just get in his face and say, "You're so handsome, I don't want to get attention if we become friends!"? As all sorts of thoughts ran through my head, a moist voice rang out from above.
“…Are you afraid of me too?”
Her eyes weren't moist, but her voice and face looked genuinely sad. And an inaudible voice tickled my ear.
‘… Don’t be afraid of me, just you.’