Because it's my first time in love
W. Flower Seed
When asked if I was scared, I couldn't readily answer. It wasn't that I couldn't answer because he was scared, but rather, his eyes looked so sad that my mouth was shut. When I couldn't say anything, just blinked and looked up, he ran a hand through his hair, his face like he was wondering what I just said.
“…No. Just pretend you didn’t hear it.”
“It’s not scary?”
Even as I spoke, I was surprised. He looked so bitter, I wanted to say something, so I answered. Perhaps it was different from what I expected, as he looked slightly surprised. I twirled my hand through the ends of his waist-length hair and said, "No, more than being scared, honestly…"
“…I’m hesitant because he’s handsome.”
Startled by the unconscious mumbling and the words that left my mouth belatedly, I gasped and bit my lip. Just moments ago, I had sworn I'd never say anything, and now I'm speaking so unguardedly. I must be crazy. "Hey, you're being sarcastic," I thought, smacking my lips with the palm of my hand.
"why?."
"…uh?."
“He’s handsome, but why are you hesitant?”
Are you really asking because you don't know? I don't know if it's because people who are in the spotlight or receive attention are attracted to it. As someone who absolutely hates attention, being around a handsome guy is incredibly tiring. Of course, this is just my experience.
An experience I had thanks to my handsome childhood friend Song Kang.
“…There’s a handsome guy among my friends, and since he’s my childhood friend, we used to hang out together. Because of that, he gets a lot of attention from people around him.”
"huh."
Taehyung slowly leaned back against the wall and listened intently to my story. At the time, I was so focused on what he was saying that I didn't notice how he was looking down at me, but I knew this: his gaze was affectionate as he looked down.
“…So- I don’t want attention, but you keep coming here and there and asking for my number. I don’t like it.”
As I told him a story that was neither long nor short, Taehyung stroked his chin with a serious expression. I found his attitude a bit surprising. Despite his somewhat cold appearance, he listened intently, saying, "You must have had a hard time." It made me think he wasn't such a bad guy.
“If that’s the reason, then you don’t have to worry.”
"huh?."
“I feel really uncomfortable here.”
Didn't you say you transferred schools yesterday? You can't dislike someone in just one day? Is that even possible? I thought. If I were you, I'd be incredibly sad and miserable if someone else labeled me as disliked. Taehyung's expression looked much, much more relieved.
“You don’t know because you transferred today. I’m a total idiot.”
No, I knew that from the moment we first met. Of course, it was my fault, but seeing you swearing the moment I spilled my coffee, I thought, "You're missing four things." I laughed awkwardly.
“I guess you thought so too.”
“Huh?, No?!…”
“I told you, it shows on your face.”
Is my facial expression management so sloppy that you can tell right away? I thought, cooling my cheek with the back of my hand. Taehyung smiled faintly at me. What's so funny? I feel naked right now.
Wait, does that mean you'll continue hanging out with me? Belatedly realizing Taehyung's intention, I dropped the hand I was holding onto my cheek. And then, "There..." Without realizing it, I asked in a sheepish voice.
“By any chance- does that mean from now on with me…”
“Yeah. We’ll go together.”
No, why!? Taehyung's quick wit made my mouth drop open before I could even finish speaking. If I had my way, I'd shout, "I know it's shameless, but I... I don't like it!" But then, as if he'd noticed my expression, he made a pitiful expression this time.
“…Why?, You hate me?”
Wow, this idiot.
No. That's impossible. I thought to myself, shaking my head. "Yeah, he's so handsome, what's the point of interest? It's not right to say no when the prince makes that kind of expression." Once again, I was fooled by his handsome face, and nodded shallowly.
“…I don’t have any friends either, so…”
As soon as the approval was given, Taehyung's pitiful face disappeared, and his face returned to a smile. I was amazed. Judging by the way his expressions change depending on the situation, this is a genius talent. He could do it too. If he were an actor, he would be incredibly successful.
As I nodded, lost in thought, Taehyung glanced down at his phone and said, "I'm sorry to be imagining this, but is it okay if you skip class? You were really listening." At his words, I looked up, snatched Taehyung's phone, and checked the time.
9:55 AM.
“Fuck!… I’m late!!”
Five minutes had passed since the bell rang. As soon as I checked the time, I turned around and headed back to class. Taehyung blinked in bewilderment at the sight, then belatedly burst into laughter and covered his mouth.
“You know how to swear, too. You look like a chick.”
“Ha… It was crazy from day one.”
After class was over, I walked home from the playground. When I arrived late, the classroom was already in session. I kept bowing my head and apologizing to my subject teacher. Of course, the teacher let it slide, saying it was easy to get lost on the first day, but... this was incredibly unusual and shocking.
19 years of life. It was my first time being late.
Taehyung, who arrived late, came in with a very relaxed expression and pulled up a chair. By the end of seventh period, I'd learned about Kim Taehyung, a man I'd only known by name. It was clear that Kim Taehyung had built a wall around studying. He'd spent the entire class staring at my face... and...
“How long are you going to follow me?”
He followed me all the way home from school.
I stopped walking and turned around, only to see Taehyung, his bag slung over one shoulder. He continued like this until the moment he emerged from the school gates after the closing ceremony. At first, I thought he was startled, but when I opened my eyes and stared at him, Taehyung strode over to me with long, brisk strides and stood beside me.
“I’ll take you there.”
“Where?”
"at home."
"Do you know where my house is?" I said, just jokingly. Taehyung answered seriously. "Just tell me where it is." At that moment, someone came to mind.
“…You look like Song Kang.”
"what?."
"No, I have a childhood friend. It's not that we look alike, but the way we act is just like you." I adjusted my bag strap and arrived at the front gate. I appreciated the words, but it felt burdensome to take him. I walked a few steps ahead, then turned and faced Taehyung.
“So, it’s okay.”
“… …”
"Goodbye, and see you tomorrow." I waved my hand vigorously at Taehyung and turned around.
……
“Your Majesty, another letter has arrived…”
A man in a black suit, trailing behind, handed Taehyung a letter. Taehyung, his expression unworthy of a glance, handed the man the letter he'd been trying to burn on the rooftop earlier in the day, and spoke in a low voice.
“Take it with you.”
“And tell them this too: Don’t ever send me a letter like this again.”