Because it's my first time in love
W. Flower Seed
My feelings were complicated. While I thought the rumors were just rumors, perhaps because of what Taehyung had said to me? I couldn't just ignore it. Did Taehyung already know from the beginning that the rumors about him would spread like this? At first, I thought he was just saying it. But after hearing Song Kang's words, I understood a little. If such rumors had spread, it made sense why the other kids would stay away from him...
“You’ve been staring at me a lot lately.”
Huh? Was my gaze too persistent? Taehyung, who had been lying down all day, raised his upper body and looked at me. Lately...Rani… I don't think I've ever looked at him that often. I turned my gaze straight ahead, then back to Taehyung. No matter how I looked at him, he didn't seem like the type to toy with women. Perhaps it was just a rumor.
Our eyes met in midair. At first, I thought Taehyung would just ignore me, but when I looked at him a second time, he seemed to sense something was wrong, and this time he didn't look away. The way he rested his chin on his hand was somehow fatally striking.
“Do you have anything to say to me?”
"uh?…"
“Your face looks like it has something to say.”
Rather than saying he had nothing to say, it would be more accurate to say he had something he wanted to ask. But when he actually tried to ask, his mouth wouldn't open easily. It would be a problem even if it were true, but if not, the question would only hurt Taehyung. He must have been mulling over the words for a while before his mouth opened again. "Oh, by any chance…"
“Are you doing this because you heard a rumor?”
"…rumor?."
“Didn’t you hear it from the kids? It’s my rumor.”
It was even more embarrassing because he spoke frankly without beating around the bush. He knew about the rumors about me… I thought, but if not, he should step forward and explain himself. Seeing him not explaining, I started to wonder if it was really true. As I was daydreaming, Taehyung’s long, slender hand playfully tapped my forehead and said,
"Don't think too hard. Just ask. Is the rumor true or not?"
Aren't you curious? How do you know my thoughts so well? Slender fingers gently touched the forehead that had just touched and then moved away. Since I had the person's permission, I had no choice but to ask. "The rumors... are they true?" I asked cautiously, and the corners of Taehyung's mouth curled slightly. A mysterious smile. Taehyung asked again.
“What do you think? Do you think it’s real or fake?”
I furrowed my brow momentarily. What the heck? I asked the question, but I didn't get an answer, and now I'm asking again. Feeling a bit teased, I turned my head away, saying, "If you don't want to talk, then don't." I pulled out my textbook. I was feeling awkward for no reason, so I muttered to myself, "I should prepare for class," when I heard a chuckle from beside me.
“What, why are you laughing?”
“Phew, no… sorry. It’s just too funny… haha.”
No, what the hell is funny? Is this airflow funny, or is my face funny? He makes a dumbfounded expression and looks dumbfounded. Eventually, he holds his stomach and laughs. Look at this? Are you laughing at my face? No matter how handsome you are, I can't forgive you for laughing at my face. He clenched his fist and hit my shoulder. It was the first time. I hit a handsome person other than Song Kang.
“Oh! Sorry… Sorry. It’s obvious what you want to say, but you’re pretending not to. It’s funny.”
“…Okay!. Just give me an answer quickly. Yes or no?”
Taehyung touched his hit shoulder, then smiled bitterly. It was only a fleeting moment, but his expression was truly bitter. A seemingly simple answer, almost disappointing, flowed from Taehyung's lips.
“If you ask, ‘Is the rumor true?’ then yes, it is. That rumor.”
“… …”
"But I don't feel any guilt. Those women tried to use me, and in return, they were used."
For a moment, I felt a sense of relief. It was strange. "I used women." It was such a simple answer, yet strangely, I didn't find Taehyung repulsive. Could it be because he said, "I used her in return?" Or perhaps it was because I liked him beyond that? The answer to this question wasn't easy.
“Actually, there’s no one, man or woman, who wouldn’t take advantage of me.”
For some reason, Taehyung's words sounded sad. According to Song Kang, he was the grandson and only son of a conglomerate responsible for the economies of Korea and the United States. So, how many times must everyone around him have tried to exploit him? Adults and children alike would have tried to establish connections with him.
“…Have you ever thought about helping?”
"what?."
“If those people had tried to use you like that, I think I might have wavered at least once.”
Of course, that would be me. Taehyung paused for a moment at my words, then smiled and placed his hand on my head, saying, ‘That’s because you’re too naive.’ His touch was very affectionate, but his expression that changed in an instant was not so good.
"I'm already corrupt, and I know the nature of such people. If I were in my right mind, I wouldn't have pushed my daughter or wife into it."
"…ma'am?."
“Besides, my relationship with my father isn’t that good either.”
I was shocked by the word "wife." "Daughter" was ridiculous, but "wife"? How could he bring in a wife, let alone a daughter? It felt like a story about villains in a period drama.
…But, he doesn't get along with his father either. This was completely unexpected. He was so innocent and seemed to have grown up without any shortcomings, so I couldn't even imagine he would have a bad relationship with his parents. You can't judge a book by its cover.
“…Why aren’t you on good terms with your father?”
Was that too much of a question? Even after I'd asked, I was about to withdraw my question, thinking it was too much, when Taehyung's mouth opened. "My father told me a huge lie." "And that was a lie he absolutely should not have told." At that moment, I looked into Taehyung's eyes. Those weren't the eyes of someone he hated. Those were... eyes that, to anyone, were clearly hurt.
“…That’s why I don’t like it. I.”
People who lie, people who approach me with fake expressions.
“Maybe that’s why I’m so good at reading facial expressions.”
To hurt the person who tried to use me in the same way. At that moment, I thought, Taehyung's expressionless face and sharp tone, perhaps they were all just a means of self-protection.
It was truly impulsive. I reached out and grabbed Taehyung's head, wrapping it in my arms. Normally, I wouldn't have been able to do this when I was sober, but this time was different. I was drunk.Kim Taehyung is a very strong alcoholic.
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