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"Let's stop, is that all you have to say?Why did it end so badly?Okay, let's stop it, it's better now"I've been a hundred times more disappointed by someone like you."
Feeling a surge of anger, I spat out a torrent of curses at Jung Ho-seok. Did we love each other just for this ending? A sense of emptiness and loss swirled within me. It felt like a stone had crashed into my heart. The photos I cherished, the five years of time. In the end, even your friends and that empty profile were disgusting. It felt like you'd been preparing for years to break up today. Am I the only one suffering like this? I was annoyed by the ridiculous story that suddenly came to mind. Unable to control my anger, tears welled up in my eyes.
"Bad kid. A dirty bastard."
I became even more angry because I had never read anything in my life. If a romantic relationship that was so close breaks up, you are worse than others. The name “bastard” suited a guy who immediately cut off his hands. Live like that for the rest of your life. When I meet a lover like you, I become miserable like me. It was at that moment that all the time I had devoted to that child flew by.
If only it weren't for you. I'd rather use it for self-development. It's just such a waste.
-
"I think I'm better off alone than I thought."
"okay?"
"Yeah. It was really nothing."
Since we broke up, we've been out drinking sometimes. There are plenty of guys who like me. That's why I've become so narrow-minded because I've been so tied to you. While having a drink with a friend at a bar, I pause, suddenly remembering that I still spend my time badmouthing you.
I was feeling good before, but then my mood suddenly dropped. Seriously, what's going on? He's just an ex-boyfriend.
"...it's annoying."
This is really annoying.I really hate you too. Please don't show up again. It was a lie that would never be discovered.
-
"What is this D-Day?"
You're dating someone new? You're seeing another woman just a few days after breaking up?Yeah, no, no. It shouldn't be. But... the way his face slowly crumpled against his pounding heart was truly a sight to behold. I'm not always suspicious of others, but I'm not stupid either. Rather than torment him with inaccurate speculation, I decided to go and ask him directly.
Every single word Jung Ho-seok said pierced my heart like a knife. How could you say something like that to me? You... shouldn't have done that to me. Am I not even worthy of my ex-girlfriend's ex-boyfriend?
Don't leave. The words I swallowed hard,아직 벅차게 좋아한단 말이야. 아마 헤어졌던 날보다 더 많이 울었던 것 같다. 개새끼. 천하의 몹쓸 놈. 그런데 어떡해. 내가 널 너무 사랑하는데. 내 마음을 내가 컨트롤할 수 없다는 사실이 그냥 너무 짜증 났다. 고작 그거 하나 못해? 아직도 네 감정에 지배당하고 살아? 바보같은 년.
I guess I'm just annoyed. Not with all the arrogance mixed in, just plain annoyance. A little more so than the annoyance I feel for Jung Ho-seok. Why is love so hard for me? It won't come back, so I have to hold it in. The more I do this, the heavier my heart becomes. I still can't forget you. Will I ever be able to love someone like you?
-
Phalang.
"What is this?"
A small photo escaped from between the album pages. Of course, it landed on the floor and was immediately caught in my hand. What was it that I had put in my yearbook? I picked up the piece of paper that had fallen face down and flipped it over. The secret of the mysterious photo was immediately revealed.
A long beeping sound rang in my head. I thought I'd thrown it all away, but what is this? When did I take this picture?
I cried and looked back two or three times, erasing every trace, but it stubbornly remained. I guess I never looked at this yearbook. Otherwise, it wouldn't have survived. I searched every nook and cranny of the house countless times.
Before moving, I looked through my yearbook, which contained Jung Ho-seok's photo. I think I first met him when I was a freshman in high school. We broke up when I was 22. Five years is a long time to be together.
After we broke up, I tried to forget about this guy and met other men.
How could this face be easily forgotten? A smile escaped my lips for no reason. The yearbook contained photos from school trips, class time, and a variety of experiences—it was truly a perfect yearbook.
I looked at the faces of the friends who were the highlights of the album, one by one. Among them, the one who shines the most is Jung Ho-seok. He's a real son of a bitch, but there's a reason I couldn't forget him. I realized it once again.
Having read the album to the very end, I found myself wondering: Dear one I once truly loved and once madly hated, what do you think of me now?
Ex-girlfriend? Or maybe you don't even remember?
But when I see you now, my heart doesn't race or my face doesn't turn red. I guess that means I have no more attachment to you.
I even tore the last remaining photo to shreds. Our relationship is already over, so why should I keep you special? Live well. Still, I hope you'll hurt just as much as I did.
The pieces of the photo, torn without a second thought, were thrown into the trash can.
"I don't understand why you hated me so much."
Perhaps I was much younger back then than I am now. I was hit directly without any proper defense because I wasn't strong enough, and it was a new ordeal for me.
But wasn't it thanks to that hatred that I was able to grow to this extent?
In conclusion, I'm grateful to Jung Ho-seok. I'm so glad you're a bad boy. If you weren't, I think I would have had a really hard time.
"Thank you for being a bad boy till the end."
My bad relationship with Jung Ho-seok ends completely from today.
ㅡㅡㅡ
?? It's childish
?? But it was fast