.... I quickly pulled out the medicine and poured it into my hand. I was determined to get it in, even if it meant choking me. The dark, deep alley was pitch black, and I couldn't see a thing. Then someone grabbed my wrist.
.
.
.
"I can't let go."
"Then please give me a knife."
I hated being sick. I hated dying in pain, even if I woke up dead. But from the moment I was found out, all I could think about was that I had to die somehow. When did I become so crazy? Was it my damn parents? Or would it be easier to just deny my existence?
"That's not it,"
"Please!... Please, just let me die in peace."
" .... "
Silence flowed. I really wanted to die comfortably. I wanted to escape this damned world for a day, no, even a second. Everything in the world felt disgusting, and I hated everything. I wanted to deny my life, and it was hard. Yeah, you'll say these are all excuses. Excuses or not... What good are these words? Me.Yoo Seul-ahThis person is so pathetic that I can't do anything.
"Let me go."
" .... Don't die."
I bit my lower lip until it bled. Watching him leave after telling me not to die, I felt a strange urge to cry. Blood flowed from my lower right lip, where I had been biting hard. The words of that man, who knew nothing about me as I drifted further and further away, were so irritating.
Tears streamed down my face, their eyes already brimming with tears. What was this feeling? It wasn't just sadness. I was annoyed, and sad. And happy. Was it because, in this damned supremacist society, there was someone who cared for me?
... or maybe he just felt sorry for me, a 15-year-old who was about to die.
.
.
.
The man's words kept ringing in my ears, and I returned to this damned orphanage. The director, who immediately grabbed my hair and asked where I'd been, seemed like a demon to me. He was clearly a demon in human form. He beat five-year-olds without hesitation, not just me.trash.... I couldn't understand why he was acting so low.
"Yuseul, if you don't come home before 7 o'clock tomorrow, I will make sure that none of the children in this orphanage will ever be allowed to come here again."
It's a threat. The dictionary defines threat as "to force someone to do something by intimidating and pressuring them." The director is threatening me.
Honestly, I hated myself. I knew that even if I was just sitting there like an idiot, cursing the director, it would all end up being my fault, and I also cursed at myself for not even studying hard enough.suicide,I thought about it a lot. I wanted to do it, but I didn't want to. I hated my miserable life so much, I hated everything about it. I wish someone would just put an end to this miserable 15-year-old life.
.
.
.
A lot of time passed. After going into my room and fasting for four days straight, I started to feel dizzy. The director laughed, seemingly pleased, and mocked me.That bastard... I suppressed my anger by cursing inwardly, but I felt so sorry for the children at the orphanage and the corners of their mouths that were laughing at me.
"What did I say, you can't do this to me?"
match-
"N, you now!"
.... Ah, this won't do. If this happens, it will be harder for the kids...
🖤