It was a July day in 2016. Like any other summer day, the rain was pouring down. As usual, our department head told us to gather within three hours, and for me, who had come camping with Daehwi, it was the worst possible situation. Getting from Busan to Seoul quickly was impossible, and if I went, I'd be leaving Daehwi behind. I apologized to Daehwi dozens, hundreds, even thousands of times. Daehwi smiled and said it was okay, offering to drive me to Seoul. The traffic was heavy, and the rain must have made driving even more difficult. I resented myself for not even having a driver's license.
“Hwiya, aren’t you tired…? I’m sorry, it’s all because of me.”
“No, no. It’s not hard because I’m with Jin! In fact, it’s better.”
Dae-hwi laughed like an idiot. And he was so cute. I just resented that old fart. I was having fun, and then... he'd get drunk again and summon a latte or something. We were only two years apart, but he said things like, "Doesn't he realize how much of a difference that two years is?" I really couldn't understand why he was talking nonsense so loudly.
As time passed, the school began to come into view from where we were. Dae-hwi, of course, looked exhausted, and I was mumbling to him to keep him awake.
“Woojin, if that old fart tries to do something weird again, contact me right away. Got it?”
“Yeah, okay, I understand.”
“I appeared as a hero,”
It was just a normal, childish conversation. Very normal. Dae-hwi was smiling at me like a seven-year-old. Was that the problem? Then a truck came and slammed into Dae-hwi's car, the car Da-hwi and I were riding in. It happened in an instant. There was glass embedded in my stomach, and a little blood was seeping from my head. So, I wasn't dead. But Dae-hwi wasn't. He was bleeding profusely from his head. He turned his head toward me, his eyes closed. Tears were streaming from his eyes, and he didn't respond to my calls. The sound of a siren echoed through my head. I held onto the hope that if I got to the hospital right away, Dae-hwi would live, wouldn't he die? Could he really be dead? I shouldn't have forgotten. The thought of the unthinkable can kill.
I felt like I'd done something wrong. No, I was wrong. If I'd gotten my driver's license right after entering college, Dae-hwi wouldn't be in the driver's seat. If I'd just ignored my senior's request and enjoyed camping, we wouldn't have had to go up to Seoul. It was all my fault, Dae-hwi. I guess I was being punished for all the bad things I did in Pyeongseo. I wanted him to live his whole life in regret and rot away.
“At 8:27 PM on July 16, 2016, patient Dae-Hwi Lee passed away.”
“Lies, don’t lie. It’s a lie. You shouldn’t say things like that so easily when someone’s life is at stake… A doctor shouldn’t say that!!!”
"I have nothing to say except that I'm sorry. I'm sorry."
The man passed me. It had to be a lie. Why did Dae-hwi have to die? It made no sense. All I could do was deny reality. If I was wrong, why didn't they just kill me? Why did they want to take Dae-hwi, who was innocent... why on earth? That's how my 22-year-old love, so beautiful in this world, ended. We didn't want it, but it was inevitable. Meeting Dae-hwi, as if it were natural, made every day beautiful, and after losing him, every day became hell. The only way to escape this hell, I thought, was 'death.'