Recording Mr. Jin through my eyes

It's destined to be you

I see no one else in my life, but I was moved by you.
Ever since I first saw you, even though I don't like watching TV, I would sit in front of this show every week, waiting to see you again. Back then, I didn't have a cell phone, and my parents used a feature phone. Besides seeing news about you on TV, I couldn't find any other information about you. I was so happy when I finally got to see you. It was a 12-member stage, and I spotted you immediately. I was incredibly excited! You weren't as shy and inexperienced as you were the first time you appeared; you had a slightly more mature air about you, speaking your newly learned Changsha dialect, which was quite charming. It was also around that time that your group became popular in China. Everyone around me was talking about which member they liked. My best friend liked Oh Sehun. She had a rather old MP3 player that she used to listen to your songs. I remember the first song I heard was "First Snow." I suddenly heard a voice that I thought was incredibly beautiful. I asked my friend who sang that line, and she said it was Chen. I'd listened to it countless times; I knew exactly who sang which line. My heart suddenly tightened at that moment. I never thought I could like you just by your voice (I didn’t recognize it because he didn’t say much on the show and I didn’t remember his voice).
From then on, my friend and I listened to that song on repeat every day, determined to keep playing until our MP3 players ran out of battery. Looking back, it feels like ages ago. Back then, happiness was such a simple thing. Even when we were worried about studying, just putting on our headphones and hearing your voice would instantly lift our spirits. We'd each wear an earphone, listening to the same song, walking home together, sharing our joy. Occasionally, when we heard lyrics sung by someone we liked, we'd scream out loud, drawing stares from passersby. I thought this simple happiness would last forever, until the first member left. When I heard the news, I wondered what you would do, how you would feel—angry? Sad? Or both? I couldn't guess, because in my world, everything about you stopped at your name and the songs you sang. The last time I saw you on TV was in 2014, on that episode of Happy Camp. To be honest, I still don't want to watch it again. It wasn't until I got my own phone that I learned how the remaining members had managed to get through it all. But who could have imagined that this would happen a second or third time… When I heard the news, I was devastated. I don't know, and I don't dare to think, how the remaining three of them supported each other through it all, especially since there were two Koreans who weren't very good at Mandarin. There was only one lead singer left, and he was still developing his career in China. He said he would work hard to learn Mandarin so that one day people wouldn't be able to tell if he was Korean or Chinese. When I saw him say that, tears welled up in my eyes. This child was even kinder and stronger than I had imagined.
In 2015, as a junior high student, I finally got my own phone. I started frantically researching everything about you, changing all my wallpapers and profile pictures to your photos, wanting the whole world to know I loved you. But I didn't have money, no money to support you, so I learned to vote, wanting to do what I could for you. Then in high school, we couldn't bring phones to school, so I only went home once a week. Every time I got home, I would look for news about you, and then I learned that you had an eye problem. I was really worried about you, but there was nothing I could do. Watching you sing and dance on stage wearing sunglasses, I was afraid something might happen to you, since sometimes you can't see clearly with sunglasses on. But you didn't have any problems. I should have known; your talent is undeniable. I saved a lot of money during my three years of high school, and as soon as I got to college, I started spending money like crazy. I learned everything from voting and ranking to browsing social media and YouTube. In my free time, I watched the variety shows you participated in. I felt like I understood you better than before.
You participate in very few other programs; all your resources are related to singing. Sometimes I complain to you, wondering why you don't participate in more other things. That way, I could see you more. But later I realized that these aren't what you want. You love singing, you love it to the core. I envy you because you've spent your whole life earnestly doing what you love, without rushing or being impatient. When I learned that you finally had your own solo performance, I was so happy I couldn't sleep. Later, I bought a lot of copies. My roommate saw that I bought quite a lot and asked me, "You bought so many, what if you don't like it anymore later? What are you going to do with all of these?"
To be honest, I never thought about it. It's not that I didn't think about what to do, it's that I never imagined I would stop liking you. It seems like you've always been guiding me on this path of liking you, helping me slowly understand you. When I didn't hear from you, I almost forgot I had a favorite celebrity. But the moment I saw you, my heart pounded fiercely, as if you had never left my heart. Jongdae, it's been eight years. In those eight years, people in the entertainment industry have changed wave after wave, but I've never found another person who makes my heart flutter. Some people say I'm too serious about following celebrities, liking only one star for eight years, and they don't know how I can do that. Maybe for me, this isn't just following a celebrity anymore; it's genuinely developing feelings. The worst thing about following a celebrity is developing real feelings, knowing they're not meant for me, yet still taking it seriously.