The morning air was surprisingly quiet. In a silence so quiet that birds might have fluttered to flight at the sound of the door opening, I welcomed the day of my wedding. The scenery, the sounds, the people—it was the same as in my previous life—
Because I was different, everything was different.
“Miss, would you mind if I lift your head?”
The hand of the maid in charge of my hair paused. I nodded silently, facing myself in the mirror. The hand that inserted the hairpin moved slowly, and a chill ran down the back of my neck, down my nape. In my past life, I cried even at this moment. Not out of fear, but out of sorrow and resentment. I was so heartbroken that I had bowed my head and faced death, unable to even argue with him, simply because I was a bride about to get married.
But this life was different. My tears had dried and wouldn't even form. There was no reason to cry, and no one to cry to.
As I stepped onto the veranda, fully dressed, the wind caressed my skin. Everyone stared in surprise as I walked on my own, without the help of a maid. Feeling their gazes, I quietly composed myself. Their gazes were merely decorative.
“Your Majesty has arrived.”
The call to serve came. I held my breath. Preparations had already been completed yesterday. I nodded, and the people, accustomed to the situation, cleared the way. Yu Ha-min walked across the floor. His black and blue robes were exquisitely coordinated, his belt tightly tied, his eyes as indifferent as ever. He looked no different from his past life.
“I stopped by for a moment because I have an appointment with my soon-to-be husband and wife.”
His words were polite. However, they were overly formal. As if someone had taught him proper etiquette. I laughed lightly at his formality and immediately retorted.
“Your Majesty, both in the past and present, is truly skilled in etiquette.”
Hamin's eyebrows rose invisibly. His eyes, rather than ones of surprise, were staring at a puzzle piece that was somehow out of place. His words, his attitude, his atmosphere. The me now wasn't the me of his past life.
“It seems like Madam has become more free from her inhibitions since her illness.”
“When you calm your mind, you realize that you don’t have to choose your words.”
This wasn't a provocation, nor was it a game. I simply said what I wanted to say. There was no need to please him any longer, nor any intention of doing so. Ha-min took a deep breath and took a few steps closer. It was a distance he'd never crossed in his past life.
“I heard you were feeling unwell the day before, but you’re walking and talking so well this morning… It’s amazing.”
“…I guess that illness is a disease of the mind.”
“Did you want to say that to me?”
I looked at him for a long time and then tilted my head very slightly.
“Perhaps this person from the past would not have dared to say this.”
His eyes froze. Something within them felt distorted. A sense of alienation, unfamiliarity, confusion. And a very shallow sense of boundary.
“A lot has changed.”
“Are you saying that this person is more annoying than before?”
He didn't answer. A long silence filled the space between us. Only at the end did he speak, very slowly and quietly.
“…I don’t know.”
I didn't laugh. I just nodded quietly. That one word was enough. This person, right now, didn't understand me at all. And I already knew how that would shake up our relationship.
-
After the ceremony, everyone dispersed to their respective seats. He remained, watching me until the very end. He said nothing, but it was a clearer signal than words. Now he was curious about me. He felt unfamiliar with me. This was the first hurdle I hadn't reached in my previous life. I opened the door.
And then, very quietly, he began to prepare to break down his inner self.
-
The first night was particularly quiet.
Inside the darkened wedding hall, moonlight filtered through the windows, stretching along the floor. The darkness, devoid of a single lamp, was strangely still, and within it, I sat, holding my breath. This night, a night I hadn't reached in my previous life. Everything resembled that time—yet I was alive now, as if I'd never touched death.
A footstep was heard through the crack in the door. Steady footsteps, the doorknob touched cautiously. Even the sound of the door opening was quiet.
“Can I come in?”
The voice from outside the door was low and composed. I didn't answer, just turned my gaze toward the door. Soon, Ha-min appeared. He had changed into his long formal attire, looking more neat and relaxed than usual. Standing at the threshold, Ha-min took a step back and looked at me. He remained silent until I spoke first, as if keeping his distance was the proper way to go.
"Was there anything uncomfortable?"
It was a formal greeting. I shook my head slightly.
“I wasn’t relaxed enough to feel uncomfortable.”
His gaze lingered on me. The deep moonlight in his eyes created a strange atmosphere. Without averting my gaze, I slowly opened my mouth.
"I wonder if it would be proper to ask your Majesty why you have come here tonight?"
His eyes flickered briefly at my words. It wasn't surprise, but rather a reaction to my unfamiliar tone of voice. He then continued quietly.
"It's our first night. We're supposed to spend the night together."
He took a few more steps into the room. His footsteps were firm and cautious. I sat there, meeting his gaze.
“So, did you come today to observe the ceremony, Young Master?”
"That would be okay."
"This person would rather have a comfortable night than formalities."
His steps stopped. Soft words echoed quietly through the darkness. This time, too, he didn't respond immediately. Then, after a very short breath, he spoke.
"Even when I see you again, you've changed a lot."
“I’m sure this change won’t be very welcome to you, Young Master.”
He lowered his gaze for a moment. It was a rare moment of emotion flashing through his otherwise expressionless face. I quietly rose from my seat. I approached the floor and spoke.
"Since you said you came tonight for an example, I will also observe the example. It would be good to share a room so that we can both rest comfortably."
As I walked toward the door, I felt his movement. He approached me without a sound and quietly placed his hand on the back of my hand.
"The example I was hoping for wasn't like that."
His hand was warm, but I didn't want to easily accept that warmth. I watched him quietly, neither backing away nor pushing him away. A long silence. In that silence, memories of my past life and my present emotions intertwined. He withdrew his hand, and I turned my gaze outside the door.
"Rest in peace, Young Master."
He nodded without reply. His back disappeared as he quietly turned, and silence fell again in the room. This time, even the silence was my choice. I stood in front of the door for a moment. Then, very slowly, I turned inside.
This night will pass. In a time I never experienced in my past life, I was quietly preparing for the next.