A day passed, and another. Every time the cafe door opened and closed, I raised my head, pretending to be indifferent. But I didn't hear those familiar footsteps.
The person who sat in the same seat at the same time every day never showed up. At first, the fact that the seat I always sat in was empty felt strange, and as time passed, the emptiness grew larger before my eyes. The table by the window, once a mere piece of furniture, now tormented me as a void in itself.
I was unnecessarily nervous, worried that another guest might sit down. If someone else took that seat, I felt a surge of anxiety, as if Jeongguk would never return. At the same time, the fact that no one was there was terrifying in another way. The fact that the seat was empty felt exactly like the void Jeongguk had left behind in me.
My hands were always busy pouring coffee and taking orders, but my mind was always there. Sometimes, I would bow my head sharply, afraid that I might be caught catching your eye. But the more I did that, the more I became aware of it. The very fact that I was fixating my gaze on an empty spot felt like evidence that I was already calling for a political situation.
Even when I returned home, things didn't change. As I turned off the lights and lay down in bed, I couldn't help but picture him standing there soaking wet in the rain. Even sharing an umbrella, the distance felt far away.
“Good morning”
And then, as I watched her disappear into the darkness, the cruel words I'd uttered returned, squeezing my heart.
It wasn't love, it was a burden.
That wasn't true.
It was just that my fear was greater back then. But Jeong-guk must have only read the hurt in my words.
I hadn't revealed my true feelings to him. Fear, regret, and even the lingering attraction. The words I'd fled, blurting out my true feelings, were pushing me deeper into regret.
/
On the second day, the door opened and a familiar presence entered. For a moment, my breath caught. Jeong-guk, wearing a black hat pulled down low, looked the same as usual, but I could clearly discern the emotion hidden behind his expressionless face. His face was calm, but something had long been building within that calm.
Jungkook stood at the counter. He spoke briefly.
“Iced Americano.”
It was the usual order, but it sounded completely different. It seemed indifferent, but it felt like confirmation that he was still looking for me. I tried to maintain composure, keeping my hands from shaking. Even the mundane actions of adding ice, pouring coffee, and closing the lid felt like a burden. I wanted to extend the time, to hold onto that moment.
I said cautiously, handing over the cup.
“…Be careful not to get too hot.”
It was a nonsensical sentence. There's nothing hot about an iced Americano. But there was another meaning hidden within that statement.
Are you okay? How have you been?
Jungkook's eyes briefly wavered, as if he had caught the nuance. Then he nodded very slowly.
The moment he walked to the window seat and sat down, the café returned to its familiar surroundings. But today felt different. The mere fact that the seat was no longer empty made me feel less suffocated. I breathed a sigh of relief, but at the same time, I couldn't shake the heavy feeling.
A small crack was forming inside my heart.
I have to tell you someday.
Why did I break down on stage, why didn't I hold your hand at that moment?
And why have you been running away until now?
No matter how much I tried to put it off, it seemed like I would have to stand before it someday.
The afternoon sunlight poured through the window. The darkness of the pouring rain vanished like a lie, and light sparkled across the windowpane. I squinted and gazed at the light for a long moment.
Everything I believed ended in the rain,
It seemed like I had to slowly admit that it wasn't over yet.