"What? Break up?"
"··· huh."
There were no signs. If I were to desperately search through their four-year love diary, I might find something like a silly fight over lunch between hamburgers and sushi, but I shouldn't have been desperately searching for a reason to break up in the first place. It had to be clear. Something like, "I'm sick of you," or that he cheated on her, leaving her perfectly good lover behind. That's where the confusion stemmed from. We broke up. Yesterday. But... why? That's the problem. I don't know why. The cool breeze and the sudden turn of events kept tears from flowing. I'm the type to cry at the mere thought of a drama, but strangely, no such emotions surfaced. Instead, absurd fragments of anger, bewilderment, and dismay settled in my mind for a while. I just couldn't understand it.
Everything is in its place
W. Moons
The day she didn't want to remember was the end-of-semester assembly. With her academic record finally in order, if she continued to diligently earn her credits, Yeo-ju planned to head straight to her father's company after the final semester. Though she might not say it herself, her family was relatively well-off. While there are no absolute standards, the most universally recognized conditions for happiness are: a job, ample support, and a peaceful home environment. A lover she'd met with enough sincerity to promise marriage. A stable job with guaranteed retirement. She was faithfully fulfilling these three things, but something happened on the day of the assembly that would rip a thousand, ten thousand, cracks in her life. Or rather, even if she hadn't gone, it was bound to happen a day or two later. She just needed something to blame.
Min Yoongi, who always loathed and avoided drinking parties, obediently joined us, as if something had caught his eye. Yoongi, who had no particular gloomy side and was simply reserved, seemed to have a penchant for good luck, so he had plenty of people around him without me having to try to drag him along. Yeoju, who arrived late, had to turn away from the already occupied table. It wasn't a secret relationship, but he wasn't so petty that he'd push past his classmates and squeeze into a seat next to him. It seemed like it'd been a while since he'd had a drink. He'd call when he got back, he thought. So, he coolly turned and joined the group, who waved at him. Judging by the familiar faces, he'd undoubtedly found himself in the Korean Literature department's meeting room. They said they'd just sit wherever they pleased, but it's true that people feel more comfortable where they belong. Feeling slightly irritated by the atmosphere, I poked at my French fries with a fork, almost as if I wasn't going to eat them. At that very moment, the person sitting across from me suddenly asked, "Who was it?" The girl next to the cultured one.
"Hey, you two are getting married? I hear some people are already handing out wedding invitations. Funny."
"I guess I have to do it."
"Min Yoongi wants to do it too?"
"I've never said it seriously, but I don't think so. Maybe."
Although my reaction was lukewarm, I can't deny that there was a certain amount of anticipation mixed in. Despite entering the school a year apart, Yoon-ki took a two-year break for military leave, making him a junior this year, and Yeo-ju was a senior looking to get a job. It's better to have a destination already decided on, like me. Looking at my classmates, they're busy writing personal statements, getting certificates, and raising their TOEIC scores, so they don't have time to leisurely drink. Dating is the same. Dating is a privilege for those with the means. Look around. An older friend of mine who was preparing for the teacher's exam didn't read the books she was told to read in the study room. She fell in love with a similarly-situationed candidate, but they both failed amicably. And then they broke up within months. They acted like they couldn't live without each other, but when reality hit them, they abruptly backed down. In that sense, Yeo-ju considered herself incredibly lucky. With her circumstances in check, she could date carefreely. Besides, waiting through the military isn't something everyone can do. Min Yoongi must have known this strangely, because he came to see me before I enlisted and said this, stroking the back of my rough neck.
"Don't wait."
"Hey, who shaved your head? Stop talking nonsense and go."
"You're having a hard time."
He pretended to be indifferent. It seemed like he was having a harder time. A vague fear was etched into his long eyes. Yeoju suspected it wasn't just because of the hardships he'd endured for the past year and a half.
"know."
"You might as well meet another man, or if you're going to do it, serve your military service."
"If there's a guy as handsome as you, I'll meet him."
"You're saying you don't want to meet me."
"uh."
The joke was a bit joking, but the answer was much more weighty and decisive, and she couldn't hide her surprise. Yeoju was like that. She usually seemed so lighthearted, but she had a tendency to suddenly become serious. Yoongi's throat trembled slightly as he listened. It was a quiet night, at the entrance to an alley. He leaned against the front door and spoke.
"I won't meet you. I'll wait for you, counting the days until you come back. I'll miss you until I'm exhausted. I'll call you so often that you'll get sick of my voice."
"······."
"So do well."
"······."
"Really, good job."
"··· huh."
The moment he shed a few tears in front of Yeo-ju that day remains Min Yoon-gi's only dark memory. Even when he received a visitation permit and met her, he was teased. He might not have cried there, but he'd say something, and then, either out of spite or hurt pride, he'd shut his mouth and remain silent for thirty minutes. He knew it would all be undone with a simple kiss. He might not have seemed like a kind gesture to others, but to Yeo-ju, he was the ultimate petty man. But she liked it. She waited, because she liked it. In any case, the source of his unwavering patience was the certainty that she'd eventually end up with Min Yoon-gi in some way. She'd never brought up marriage out loud, fearing it might weigh on her, but Yeo-ju's answer to her friend's question, "I don't think so. Maybe," was a fitting response.
However, the two broke up. The one who started the conversation was Min Yoongi.
What time was it? Not really a drinker, I was just shoving some snacks into my mouth when the call came. The conversation, which had already been interrupted by the mention of the general meeting, was interrupted by a single question: "Come out." "Huh? Come out?" I glanced at the table over there, seeing Yoongi shuffling his coat. "Isn't it too early to go?" "Oh, right. Min Yoongi's weak to alcohol." I brushed aside the minor question and followed him to my feet. The people I'd spoken to a few times whined, their faces flushed, "You're going in already?" I smiled faintly and saw them off. It was the beginning of autumn, so it was a bit chilly outside. The female protagonist, perhaps thinking that wearing a spring jacket was a mistake, shivered, hugging her arms in this temperature. A scarf wrapped around her neck at that exact moment. It smelled like Min Yoongi.
"let's go."
"What, you're wearing a scarf too? I didn't see you earlier."
"I brought this for you. Don't wear it because it's cold."
"Pretending to be my boyfriend."
Despite his playful tone, his face was quite serious. He didn't even smile back, repeating the same thing over and over again. "Don't dress cold anymore, okay?" Yeoju stubbornly shook her head and stuck out her tongue. "No." The streetlights were so strong that it was hard to see what was actually nearby. Things like Min Yoongi's expression back then, for example. He didn't take it too seriously, so he occasionally touched his hair. "It's really long. It seems longer than before I shaved it." Yoongi remained silent. It wasn't a silence caused by poor condition, but rather a silence as if he was carefully choosing and selecting his words. While usually dropping her off was a habit and routine, today, as if he had some other purpose, he walked silently side by side to Yeoju's house. "Want to meet tomorrow?" "No. I have work to do." It was always like that, but the conversation was even more halting. It was as if frost had settled over it, and there was no trace of alcohol. Perhaps it was because he was drunk, but he didn't smell like alcohol. Two footsteps reached the gate.
"You seem a little tired."
"I see."
"Yeah. If you're still feeling unwell, go to the hospital. I have some medicine for headaches and colds at home, so be sure to contact me."
"My lady."
"Huh?" Yoongi said. The streetlights had faded, revealing a clear view ahead. The smile he showed. It was clearly a bitter smile.
"Should we break up?"
"······."
Well, it took a while. Time to figure out if he was sincere or not. Time to fully absorb the meaning. Finally, time to adapt and resign. Surprisingly, Do-yeo-ju couldn't even properly complete a single step. He asked, "Are you kidding me?" Hey, this is brutal. What kind of joke are you...? The still chilly air made his voice gradually lose its certainty. Min Yoongi was breaking up with me. This wasn't a joke. This was real. When people are truly flustered, they can't even utter a single word, not even a single curse or swear word. It felt like he'd reached a state of weightlessness, his limbs and head floating in the air.
"Sorry."
"··· Don't apologize."
"I'm sorry, ma'am."
"······."
The moment to get angry had long since passed. My heart pounded so hard I wondered if it could even beat like this. Yoongi, with a look of utter indifference, pulled a small bottle out of his pocket and held it out. Hangover cure. Even as he handed it to her and left, Yeoju remained motionless. She couldn't stop giggling. It was so funny. Hangover cure? She hadn't even had a single drink there, just chewed on the snacks. She didn't need that. From that moment on, Doyeoju decided to think Min Yoongi was the most foolish person in the world. The scarf he'd wrapped around her as a last act of generosity. He worried she wouldn't be cold. The hangover cure, which she'd hastily bought at the convenience store before leaving. I wanted to chase after him right away and ask him. Which of these do you think I really want?
The desire to "want to do something" usually stems from the helplessness of "not being able to do it." Ultimately, Yeo-ju couldn't do anything. She'd been dumped without any connection, and going to her and daring to ask why she dumped her or what she did wrong would have seemed incredibly ugly. Fortunately, the Korean Language and Literature and Sociology departments were located in separate buildings. Unless one of them decided to go near them, there wasn't much contact throughout the year. Just ignore it. Left alone, Yeo-ju brushed off the thought and decided to focus on the rest of the semester. Her ex-lover's behavior would be utterly infuriating, but she didn't want to follow in the footsteps of her older sister, who hadn't achieved anything, whether it was a relationship or a future. So, she deliberately kept herself busier. Second semester of her senior year. Time seemed to pass faster than ever.
Min Yoongi didn't like cafeterias. So, even if he was alone, whenever he was with Yeoju, he'd always go to a nearby barbecue restaurant or a restaurant he'd specifically chosen. And he always paid the bill. Even when Yeoju insisted on using his card, he'd shrewdly exchange it for the cafeteria lady. He'd spout "I'm full just watching you eat," like an old man. Yeoju had been thinking about it, not often, but little by little, and she'd come to the conclusion that maybe his greed was the reason he broke up with her. "If I'd eaten less, maybe we could have gotten married..." she muttered pointlessly. "Pfft!" A friend beside her poured a bottle of water into the air. Yeoju looked at him with contempt, but his gaze grew even more intense. "Are you still thinking about Min Yoongi? You're crazy. I wouldn't have dated you if I were you." As the only one who knew what was going on between them, such harsh reactions were no ordinary occurrence. Yeoju knows too. I mean, I know. If that kid was a bad guy and had even a gram of pride left, it would have been right not to think about it. But four years are not like water. They're thick. The harder she tried to erase them, the more desperately the memories spread. Passing Yoongi's studio apartment, where he'd always been, Yeoju felt a pang of sadness, and for some reason, she quickened her pace. It was that hard.
"Aren't you going to contact me? Please, heroine. Let's not be so petty."
"Oh, really, don't do it. Stop being so angry."
"You must be stupid. I saw the long KakaoTalk message you were trying to send last time."
It stung. I was about to ask, "When did you see that?" but stopped myself. I'd been preparing for it from time to time, so it wouldn't have been surprising if I'd been caught at any moment. Do-yeo-ju didn't bother to show her surprise and pushed open the cafeteria door. Soon, the groups entering and leaving intersected, and time seemed to pass slowly. Hey, you know. Even if you don't want the conversation to flow, it sometimes falls on your ears.
"Yoongi dropped out last week."
"That's right, right? Why would someone like that be like that even though they were in a job preparation study group?"
"Why is that? His circumstances are particularly difficult."
"Huh? Why?"
She ran until she was out of breath. Her friend's shouts behind her dissipated without an echo. Even as she ran, Yeoju didn't know why she was crying. Even when he said goodbye right in front of her, tears that hadn't flowed yet welled up and flowed endlessly like a broken faucet. Everyone passing by looked at her as if she were crazy. Her vision shook violently, and the occasional hill was steep. She stopped to catch her breath and realized something. Autumn had all passed. Winter would soon be here. She stepped on the pile of fallen leaves fluttering in the corner of the road and ran again. Doyeoju understood why Min Yoongi had to be so cold to her.
My father was suddenly hospitalized last month with a heart condition. His grades were good, so it's a shame. Now he has to go to school and earn money, and that's not easy...
So. So I said I quit. Arriving in front of the university hospital, my legs gave out at just the right moment. I had run like crazy. ...Where is it? Before I got there, I grabbed one of them and frantically asked. I thought he must be a pretty good acquaintance if he knew the situation, so I took a gamble. Yeoju still had no doubt that Min Yoongi was the stupidest person in the world. She took a deep breath, focusing on the elevator handle. With narrowed eyes, she watched the number plates ascend. 309. She got out. She got out and quickly passed through the empty hallway, as if she had never been tired. Before she could even open the hospital room door, Yeoju's steps stopped. There was someone ahead of her. She slowly exchanged glances.
"··· Please help me?"
"······."
"Why, no, how did you know about this place..."
"······."
"··· don't cry."
If they met again, she had no intention of taking his word for it. True to her promise, Yeo-ju burst into tears. Crumbled. She collapsed listlessly in front of room 309, burying her forehead in her folded knees. A deep water stain stained her beige coat.
"Why... why didn't you tell me... why did you keep it from me..."
"······."
"You bad kid..."
Yunki sat down in front of the round, curled figure. He sighed softly and silently straightened the few hairs fluttering above his head. His voice was low, as if to calm him down.
"Don't come now. We broke up."
"······."
"I don't like people like you caring about people like me. Help me. Stop it and live your life."
"······."
"I'm fine."
Lies. Nothing was okay. It was like that before, too. Even without looking up, the obvious expression was pictured in my mind. Still nodding, the female protagonist spoke softly.
"All I have to do is get the money."
"······."
"I, I will. I will tell my father, Yoongi. You know, I have a lot of money. If I ask you to pay the hospital bills, even if it's hundreds or thousands of won..."
What he saw as he suddenly raised his head was the worst sight he'd ever seen. Far from rejoicing at Yeoju's words, Yoongi felt a darkening gloom. It was only natural that he couldn't understand. Those feelings were of a kind unfamiliar to Doyeoju. Embarrassment, perhaps frustration. If he were going to reveal everything, he'd meant it when he suggested breaking up. Even if he didn't completely lack a share of the urgently needed funds, Yoongi had always thought that way. He and Doyeoju lived in different worlds. That aligns with the idea that this relationship couldn't end well for anyone. The longer they spent together, the more misery grew in Yoongi's heart. Unlike him, who couldn't imagine the next day, Yeoju was remarkably calm. But he hadn't simply sat there. He'd tried to break this cruel cycle. In fact, contrary to the heroine's expectations, Yoon-ki doesn't care about taste and just eats cheap cafeteria food or ramen from convenience stores, but when he's with her, he pretends to have everything and spends a lot of money, which turned out to be a piece of his effort. In the end, he was struggling financially. But the only thing he has gained is a memory of a brief moment of happiness.
However, that didn't last long. His father was suddenly diagnosed with heart disease. The mounting debt piled up, leaving him no room to act. And the possibility of inheriting the disease. He thought his life was truly miserable. He'd been told the odds were nearly 100, meaning the disease was a given. He couldn't tell Yeoju. Even if he had, she'd surely carry it with her. At the time, Yoongi couldn't bear the guilt. He really... had nothing, but he wanted to find a small job and become someone no one would be ashamed of. Ultimately, he was a burden. He cried for three days and nights in a corner of his small room. It couldn't have been more desperate. He'd just told everyone he was worried that he had a cold. That's why Yeoju had been worried about Yoongi's health at the final assembly. He'd said they'd break up that day. In fact, whether at the assembly or before, he had plenty of opportunities to shamelessly vent, but he hadn't. Do Yeoju, too, was too kind to drag Min Yoongi into this shabby place. He was stupidly kind. A phrase he'd already grasped early on had long since taken hold in his mind. We live in different worlds. No, they're wrong. He knew that no matter how many times he crammed the wrong puzzle pieces into the empty spaces, the picture would never be complete. And Yoon-ki had no intention of ruining the picture of the person he loved so dearly.
Really, not even a little bit.
"··· Get up and go home."
"yunki min."
"hurry."
"You promised... to me."
The heroine burst into tears. "You promised to be good to me..." It was a story from two years ago. You're so delicate and delicate that you remember it so vividly. How dare I... Yoon-ki, who had been watching calmly, opened the hospital room door and spoke.
"You're doing well."
"······."
I couldn't drag it out any longer.
"I'm letting you go without any regrets. Right now."
We are right about this.