Bye, My world
: Hello, my world
The most useless thing in the world is pouring something into a relationship. Whether it's money, your body, or your heart. The world I see is doing that useless thing, and desperately so. I couldn't understand it. What kind of relationship could make them so restless, shaking like an abandoned dog? A deflated laugh escaped me. It was a clear mockery directed at them. People looked pitiful. The way they were trying to hold on to a relationship that would snap if they let go of even one thing was like walking a precarious tightrope.I stared at myself reflected in the window, on a worn-out mattress in a gray container, barely a few square meters in size. Empty eyes, empty of anything, cheeks streaked with tears I couldn't wipe away, lips bruised from too much slapping. Only when the silver ring hanging around my neck gleamed above my oversized, flowing white short-sleeved T-shirt did I realize. So...
“…bad boy.”
I was the one who had to walk a tightrope for nothing, and the one who had to suffer because of it. I couldn't find where the pair of rings had gone, and all I could do was clutch the one remaining ring tightly with both hands.
Bye, My world
: Hello, my world
I wanted to call him, but I couldn't, and I longed to see him, but I couldn't see him anymore. When I lost him, I was sadder than when I was abandoned by my parents as a child and placed in a shelter. Truthfully, as a child, I didn't know anything, so I held my parents' hands and smiled as I entered the shelter. I didn't know that would be my last time with them. They had only spoken to me for seven days, a week. They told me to take care of them, saying they'd come pick me up in a week. And that was it. And even now, as I'm a beggar, it's the same. They've long since vanished from my memory. I don't need my parents anymore, or anything else. If only I could find another pair of rings around my neck, if only I could call his name once more, if only I could stroke his cheek just once. I wouldn't want anything more.
He collapsed onto the mattress. It would be more accurate to say he collapsed, his body completely drained of all strength. Even in all this, he never let go of the ring, which bore his name engraved on it.Looking at the ring, I ran my thumb over the engraved area a few times, and a faint, pungent metallic smell wafted out. My scarred lips twitched as I tried to call out the engraved name.
“Jun-ah,”
After hesitating for a while, the last letter of the name he blurted out resonates throughout the container.
“Choi Yeonjun, you said you were coming back…”
In the end, I collapse again. That's why I can't call his name carelessly. As tears flow down my face, one by one, two by two, the mattress is covered with tear stains, big and small. It's already been two years since I waited for you with just one word: you'll come back. My body, broken from waiting for you for two years, trembles faintly.
At this point, everyone must be curious. Who exactly is Choi Yeonjun, and what kind of relationship did we have? To put it simply, Choi Yeonjun was someone who entered the shelter on the same day as me. On the day I arrived, Choi Yeonjun also entered the shelter, holding the hand of an adult, perhaps a parent. The reason Choi Yeonjun caught my eye among so many other children was because he had a smile like mine. That bright, innocent smile that made it impossible to imagine that his parents had abandoned him. It was a first. I, who was so shy, had spoken to someone my age, and Choi Yeonjun simply greeted me with his signature friendly smile. Now that I think about it, the reason I was able to survive in the shelter was because Choi Yeonjun was by my side. I was a lonely child, and without someone around me, I would become incredibly anxious and depressed. The day I first realized my parents had abandoned me, Choi Yeonjun was the only one by my side, and he held me in his arms. He stroked my back with a hand that must have been smaller than mine now, and told me that from now on, he would be my world. I was... about ten years old at the time. I was so young that my age is a blur, but my memories of Choi Yeonjun are so vivid. That's why we promised each other that day that we would become each other's world.
Actually, since we were young, he might have said those words to comfort a crying child. I've always had those suspicions, too. When we were growing up, both physically and mentally, I asked him, who was casually gazing at the sky next to me, "Do you remember what you said to me before? That... thing about my world." For some reason, I assumed Choi Yeonjun wouldn't remember those words. It had already been several years, and he was soon to be out of the shelter. Well, even if he didn't remember, I planned to carry those words with me for the rest of my life. It was true that on every day I fell apart, those words were the one thing that got me back on my feet. All sorts of thoughts crossed my mind at that moment. I felt like I'd be disappointed if he didn't remember, and if he did, that would be a problem in its own right. He stared at the sky for a while, then chuckled and said, "That's definitely what I meant."
"If you'd forgotten that, I wouldn't be here with you, you idiot. I'm still your world, and you're still mine."
The moment I saw Choi Yeonjun's smile, I couldn't help but believe those words. Even though I'd already been abandoned by those who had once been my world, and had vowed never to trust anyone again, I found myself believing in my world.
When I left the shelter, I was terrified of the outside world. I was lost, wondering how I would survive in a world I'd never been to before. I assumed my promise to Choi Yeonjun would end the moment I left, so on my last night, I went to see him. I thanked him for being my world. I told him that thanks to him, I hadn't fallen apart. I wanted to say my final goodbyes. Under the starless, unusually dark night sky, I felt more calm than I'd expected. At first, I smiled, then, with regret, I looked down at my feet, and finally, tears streamed down my face. It wasn't sadness. He embraced me as we said our final goodbyes, just as he had promised to become his world, promising to be my world once again, even when we left this place together. I cried, my heart pounding with excitement. After that, Choi Yeonjun really left the facility with me. And he held my hand tightly.
Bye, My world
: Hello, my world
When I think about it, we truly lived worse than beggars. We lived in a single container at a run-down construction site, working multiple part-time jobs and working ourselves to the point of exhaustion, but I thought it wasn't as bad as I thought. The environment was much worse than before, but he was still by my side. It's funny how, just two years ago, my world had been running smoothly just because of Choi Yeonjun. One night, he used his first money to engrave our names on silver rings. He even put them around my neck on a chain, saying they might fall off if I wore them. Then, in the early morning, he promised to be back soon, just like he always did, but then, two years later, there was no word from me. That bastard was Choi Yeonjun. It wasn't like we had anything to do with each other. All we had was childhood memories and the bond we shared. Choi Yeonjun must have wondered when he left me alone that day two years ago. What kind of relationship did we have? It was too shabby to be called love, and we shared too much to be friends. I can't help but laugh. Unlike the laughter that escapes her lips, her face is distorted and looks ugly as she tries to hold back tears.
“…If this was going to happen, why did you lie like that?”
Finally, I rose from the mattress, as if I'd made up my mind. After two years of being ruined by Choi Yeonjun alone, I began to wash away my broken body. It was abrupt. I thought I'd live like this for the rest of my life. The reason I changed my mind was the foolish thought that since I'd spent the past two years missing and crying, if I could live well for the next two, maybe we could meet again. I thought that if I filled in where Choi Yeonjun used to work, walked the paths he often walked, and continued living in the container we used to live in, Choi Yeonjun would eventually come back. People tend to think about the places they frequent at least once before they begin to walk. Honestly, it's a bit much. I resent you for not teaching me how to be alone, but if I'm doing better than you when you return, at least I won't feel wronged. But you know,
“I hope you are doing better than me,”
After rinsing my entire body with soap and water and roughly drying my hair with a towel, water began to drip from my hair. Since it happened to land right under my eyes, I couldn't tell if it was me or my hair.
“I think I can breathe then…”
I don't resent being abandoned by this damned world once again. I might have resented being abandoned by those of my blood, but I could never resent being abandoned by him. It may have been foolish, but I couldn't dare hate you, with whom I spent my most precious youth. Ah, our relationship, which I've only just begun to define, my feelings for you,
It was a little deeper than friendship, a little vague than affection. It was nothing more than that. Separate from those feelings, you were clearly my world. My lips were bitter as I looked out at the gray container, once filled with strange emotions, for the last time. I said goodbye to my world, praying that if we ever meet again, you'll remember me first. "Goodbye, my wonderful world." Thanks to you, I wasn't lonely. Thanks to you, I learned so much, and now I'm learning how to stand on my own. Even if we don't remember each other's faces, I'll definitely remember each other's names. I sincerely hope that this insignificant relationship, one that some might laugh at, will one day finally end. Until then, I sincerely hope that we'll be better than anyone else. That way, my time won't feel wronged. I, too, will struggle to live. I'll do my best, so that the time you've been my world hasn't been in vain. Thank you. I'm still so grateful, and I will always be grateful. Ah, this is why I sound so pathetic. I really didn't want to be like that...
“…Hello, my world.”
It wasn't until I became an adult that I finally found the courage to say goodbye to my world. So, I turned my back on the rusted container, which wouldn't have been surprising at all if it collapsed at any moment. I knew it wasn't a perfect goodbye. The silver ring with his name engraved on it still gleamed around my neck. Perhaps the ring with mine engraved on it also gleamed on his. I believed it was some kind of unspoken promise, a promise that we would recognize each other later.