Golden moss, ashtray 1
So, this is a very old story. Like a musty diary, the kind you hesitate to even turn the first page of. The kind of person you yearn for so desperately, you give up even after trying to read it once. The kind of relationship, the kind of story, that you've already covered, erased, and buried in your heart. Would you like to hear it?
“It’s been two months. Congratulations to the expectant mother.”
“…”
The doctor, who appeared to be a middle-aged woman in her fifties, repeatedly emphasized a specific part of the monitor, drawing a circle with her index finger. That part was inside my stomach, that part was a life. Honestly, I couldn't quite make out what she was talking about. What on earth could I possibly celebrate on that screen, so filled with gray and white? The chair, which looked like a comfortable sofa, was hard when I sat on it, and my butt started to hurt. I don't remember getting up from the chair and leaving the examination room. What was I thinking when I left there?
I rubbed my stomach, below my chest. Nothing felt like it. There was a creature inside, feeding on my blood. More precisely, a clot that would grow on that bastard's blood.
.
“You son of a bitch. Speak clearly so I understand.”
“…your child!”
“…“
"You're having a baby."
He, who had been spitting phlegm and screaming in agony, became unusually quiet. He let go of my hair, clutching it in his hand, and smiled bitterly. He must have been overwhelmed by the presence of his own child. I hoped he could savor the moment, even if only for a moment, knowing I'd erase it anyway.
“…I’m a father too?”
“…”
“Jihaya, what the hell are we parents for!”
”…“
"That's not right, right? Let's start with the marriage registration..."
That bastard didn't touch me that day. He was so happy about that fact that he couldn't stay in the basement. He left before sunset and didn't come back until dawn. I figured he'd been drinking like always. When I woke up that morning, the smell of alcohol permeated the small, one-room apartment.
.
When did my life become such a mess? Well, it didn't have a long history. It started as a normal love affair, like most people do. She was twenty-eight, I was twenty-three, and we met through volunteer work with abandoned dogs. It was a love affair I began in my twenties, oblivious to the arrogant assumption that people who love animals were good people. It was a love affair I began in my twenties, oblivious to the dark side hidden behind that bright, smiling face.
I was the kind of person who'd start swinging my arms when I drank. At first, I recognized it was wrong, but I soon became accustomed to that reality. There was no other way. I wished I had decent parents, that I had normal relationships. There was no one to reach out to, especially not me. I had to earn money early on to survive, so I got a job in a factory as soon as I became an adult. I was someone who had the ability to somewhat compensate for my financial shortcomings. Of course, I wasn't quite that capable, but that's what I thought as a child.
That's how our relationship has continued, even now, at the age of twenty-five. He's been demanding relationships I didn't want, and I've endured them countless times. And when I come home drunk, I've had to break something to end it. That's how I've managed to survive, a beggarly life. That's how it has been. And yet...
"He's dead. Your husband."
It was a festival in the clear sky.
To be exact, the kid who came in that dawn never returned after leaving the house that morning. I always thought he might die someday. He'd dabbled in loan sharking to make ends meet, and sometimes, tattooed men would show up at my door. And the next morning, a man in a suit I'd never seen before cautiously opened the creaking iron door with worn hinges and came in with the news of his death. "You don't have to die like that. You little ball of blood in my belly, I'll let you go in peace."
“There will be no funeral.”
“…”
“I don’t care if there’s a body or not.”
”…”
“Whatever it is, please take care of it.”
I shouldn't show my joy in front of someone I didn't know was his confidant or not. I spoke with as much composure as possible. However, I had to at least briefly convey my intention of not wanting to be around him any longer. I have no intention of seeing him off, even if it meant dying.
But why was this man in front of me just looking at me without any change in his expression? His slowly blinking eyelids, his pitch-black pupils devoid of any light, and the dot just beneath them, like a teardrop. All of these caught my eye.
"I've prepared a place for you to stay."
"…yes?"
I wondered what he was talking about. The news of his death was the second thing I heard from this man, whom I'd just met. In fact, I wondered if this was his gambling game. Was he just another pawn in a game that was already set up, and now he was falling into a quagmire? As I thought about this, the man opened his mouth, almost comically.
“Kim Tae-soo. Died in an accident.”
“…”
“There will be no body found.”
“…”
“Because I burned it.”
It was that moment. The blood circulating throughout my body went cold and my hair stood on end. Every sense seemed to be telling me to be wary of the man before me. I knew it without further explanation. This man must have been involved in Kim Tae-soo's death. If so, then this man...
“The introduction is late.”
“…”
"This is Kim Tae-hyung, Kim Tae-soo's younger brother."
.
I've never heard of a brother from Kim Tae-soo. Moreover, he shares only a name, but I can't find any similarities in appearance. Brothers?
A primal fear so strong it made my hair stand on end, I unconsciously placed my hand on my still-flat stomach. It meant nothing else. Not even a half-assed imitation of maternal love or anything like that.
“…what do you want?”
The man studied the area around my mouth, then raised his gaze to meet mine. He smiled, the corners of his mouth tilted upwards, as if he'd just seen something interesting. But even that soon vanished, and he returned to a serious expression.
“There is no such thing.”
“…”
“It should be…”
“…”
“We want to fulfill our responsibilities as a family.”
"Family responsibility." It was an interesting choice of words. The word "family" really bothered me. It was also true that you referred to Kim Tae-soo as your husband when you came in earlier. It seemed like they didn't know each other enough to be family. They didn't know that we weren't even registered as married or family, but rather a power-hungry relationship.
“If that’s the responsibility, I’ll decline.”
“…”
“Because I couldn’t be associated with the deceased as family.”
“…”
A subtle wave of excitement rose. It was a fleeting moment, but his thick eyebrows trembled, as if he'd heard an unexpected answer. Then again, there's no way you and Kim Tae-soo were the kind of ordinary siblings who shared trivial stories. You must have done some background research. He had a woman he'd dated for nearly three years, and he was living with her. You would have readily believed him. A woman named Ahn Ji-ha, an ordinary lover who would be saddened by the news of Kim Tae-soo's death.
I think you might have noticed a little bit from my attitude.
“If you don’t think it’s right”
“…”
“I am taking Kim Tae-soo’s place.”
The man bent down to meet my eye level. His dull, dull eyes, still devoid of light, spoke volumes. He was approaching me with a dark ulterior motive. An aura of lust for his brother's woman... From a moral standpoint, he was trustworthy even if he were Kim Tae-soo's brother. Listening intently, I was astonished. Was there any need to involve a new brat in my already moribund life?
I decided to go a little stronger.
“From my nephew’s perspective, there is no separate genealogy.”
“…”
“Will you embrace your brother’s child too?”
“…”
“Then let me think about it.”
.
He closed the dilapidated, crumbling iron door and stepped out, casually putting a cigarette to his lips as he stepped up the stairs. His subordinate, who had been waiting outside for a while in perfect posture, quickly lit it. As the end of the cigarette slowly burned, he, who had maintained a blank expression throughout, inhaled the smoke until his cheeks sank. It was a moment when his expression cracked visibly.
“Where should I take you?”
“…Jaehyun”
"yes."
“Kim Tae-soo.”
At the sound of a familiar name, both the other subordinate waiting in front of the car and the man lighting the fire visibly stiffened. Their eyes flickered wildly as they waited for the next words, as if they'd just uttered a forbidden word.
“Where did you put the body?”
“Chairman Kim buried it on the mountain behind his house.”
“Take it out again.”
"yes?"
He exhaled a puff of pale smoke from between his lips and dropped the cigarette he hadn't even smoked. He roughly smothered the embers with his shoe, then climbed into the backseat of the sedan that had been prepared. His still-dumb subordinate waited for the window to roll down, swallowing thickly. He wondered what order this madman would give him next.
The tinted car window rolled down, revealing the man's profile. His subordinate seemed to be trying to lower himself below his eye level, bending his upper body 90 degrees as if making a bow.
“Tear it into pieces and throw it into the sea.”
“…”
“You can’t tell if it’s a person.”