"Tell Me You Hate Me"

Part Six

A few days later, the weight was too much so I drove to his apartment and walked up two long, intimidating flights of stairs.

Once he opened the door and registered who I was, I spoke. Yn- "You don't have to let me in. I wanted to tell you that you were right.

"I never told you I loved you. In fact, I never really gave you much of anything in our relationship and I'm sorry.

"I guess I thought that just being with you was enough but that was my mistake. I only hope that you'll forgive me eventually.

"And please don't blame yourself because you are a really good guy and I admire a lot of things about you. Anyway, happy New Year, Hyunjin."

I turned and left and didn't go back. I couldn't decide either if I wanted him to come after me or not.

I didn't know if I wanted to walk back up the stairs just to tell him I love him so he wouldn't feel like he'd done something wrong.

But despite my need to make sure he was okay, he needed to work through things on his own, in his own time, and that lead me back to my car.

*THE NEXT DAY, NEW YEAR'S EVE* The college was throwing a new year's eve party and I wasn't going to go because why would I?

But then about an hour before it started I decided there was no reason why I shouldn't. So I got ready and dragged Su to the venue.

Of course food was a thing and thus Su and I eating the food was also a thing. We talked with a few people that we hadn't seen all break.

We enjoyed their company and it wasn't too bad. It was by no means pleasant but for non-party people, we did pretty well.

Then the countdown started. Then the countdown ended. And it was a new year. A new start, so they say.

Another half hour of mingling brought forth a face I hadn't expected to see on the campus again. ??- "I was wondering if we could talk."

Yn- "Oh, what are you doing here?" ??- "I talked to your mom a few minutes ago and she said you were here so I came here."

Yn- "Wait.. you went to my mom's house at one o'clock in the morning?" He scratched his head.

Hyunjin- "Well it was only about 11:30 then. I just spent a little bit of time sitting in my car once I got here trying to gain my courage.

"It was a bit of a fight." He gave a shy smile. It was beautiful.

Yn- "Uh yeah, we can talk, for sure. We might not find much privacy here so… are we okay to sit in your car? I made Su drive so..."

He nodded and I followed him out in silence. We climbed into the backseat because we felt it would better allow for the coming conversation.

Hyunjin- "I need to tell you something too. I didn't break up with you because I thought you didn't love me.

"I didn't break up with you because I had low self-esteem. I broke up with you because my father insisted I transfer schools."

That seemed like a stupid reason but I listened. And who's surprised really? Hyunjin has always been pretty dumb. I said nothing.

Hyunjin- "I tried to tell him I didn't want to leave but he transferred everything for me and the school I go to seemed silly to fight over.

"So instead of ruining that lifelong relationship, I decided to ruin our slightly less than lifelong relationship.

"For some reason my head thought–" I kissed him. I don't think I heard the last ten seconds of what he was saying but I missed him so much.

So I kissed him. It was a deep kiss, though I didn't let it last too long. Yn- "I'm sorry, I don't know what came over me."

He answered breathily, his gaze never leaving my lips. Hyunjin- "Tradition." Then he pulled me back in and we made out for a few minutes.

It felt nice, holding him again.

Eventually I forced myself back to the other side of the car and tried to tuck myself into the corner of the seat.

We had a conversation to finish and if I didn't put distance between us, we wouldn't. Yn- "What were you saying before I interrupted you?"

Hyunjin- "If ever you need someone to argue with or make out with, you know where to find me."

Yn- "What if I need someone to cuddle with?" Hyunjin- "You know where to find me." I grinned.

Yn- "Tell me about your father and transferring schools." Hyunjin- "Oh, well, there isn't much else to tell.

"My foolish brain just didn't think a long-distance relationship would work and I didn't want you to feel tied down to me.

"If you didn't get to see me every day, I worried you would maybe change your mind."

Yn- "Or maybe you just couldn't bear the thought of being with me but not being WITH me." I teased.

Hyunjin- "Do you want me to drive you home?"

Yn- "Would you? Oh I would love that."