I’m the person who likes to collect antique things. For instance, I found this really old journal that was lying on the grounds of our school. The content of the journal was really something. Everything the owner did was recorded in their without missing a single day. At the very front of the journal, the information of the owner was written.
This journal is a property of
Kim Seungmin
From: Seoul, South Korea
At first, I find the journal really weird. The very first half of the pages, he just keep on mentioning about a guy in Australia. He mentioned how excited they were upon meeting the Australian guy, the process they have in order to go to him and stuffs like that. The contents of the journal were mostly just like that. I know it’s not right to read someone’s journal because it contains their privacy but I can’t help it. Especially the fact that this journal was written for over 20 years ago. Isn’t it kinda exciting. Knowing what happened 20 years ago.
“Aubriana, Aubriana” a bubbly voice called out from not afar from where I was sitting. “Guess what I found” he was now panting like a dog as he stopped in front of me. I looked at him and let out a chuckle by his actions.
“What is it, Jeong In?” I asked him. He waved something that appears to take the form of an envelope through the air, a smile was plastered through his face.
“I found this really weird letter at the old building” he proudly announced, like a kid who got a praised from the teacher and kept on showing the star at the back of his palm. Just like me, Jeong In is also a big fan of old stuffs. He even likes listening to trot song, the oldest form of music in Korea.
“At the old building? What were you doing at the old building? You know were not allowed in there.” TMT High School is one of the oldest infrastructure ever build in Levanter Town and has been standing for nearly 150 years. Because of this, it has a lot of stories arousing all over and the staff that work here are a hundred times stricter than the old ones just to keep everyone safe.
“I have my ways..” I just shake my head by Jeong In’s mischievous actions.
“If someone saw you enter the old building, I swear, I’m so not gonna help you” I snickered and continued reading the journal. I’m still half way through it. Around this time. This Seungmin man mentioned the name of the Australian boy
“To Felix Lee” I was taken aback when Jeong In mumbled those words. My heart was pounding when I heard that name. It was as if I knew him. On the day 157 in the journal, Seungmin have mentioned about a disease that Felix guy was suffering from but he never really go through it. Then on day 189-209, Felix’s name was never again mentioned.
“Jeong In, give me that.” I said. Maybe this journal and that letter is connected. Maybe written in that letter is the reason what happened to Felix.
“What? No way! This is mine, I found it. Beside, when I asked you to let me read that journal, you never let me.” He pouted, pointing at the open journal that was sitting on my lap.
“I was going to let you when I finished reading it. Please, give me the letter.” I begged him. At first he was hesitant but then agree and handed the letter to me. As I was holding the letter, a certain writing caught my eye..
“From…Aubriana Park”
It has been straight 15 minutes since I’ve been staring at the letter. I was feeling nervous on reading it knowing the fact that the handwriting on it was the exact replica of mine and the name too. It’s as if I was the one who sent the letter. But that is impossible, I wasn’t even born on that period. It’s been 20 years. I’m still a sperm swimming around my father’s balls that time. So, how the heck does this letter’s handwriting and name is the same as mine? I can say it’s just a coincidence.
“so..are you gonna open it?” Jeong In asked, lying at my bed like he owns it. The two of us are currently hanging around my room.
“I’m scared.” I don’t know what’s inside that letter, but it scares me. Something about that letter seems a little off.
“Give it to me then, I will read it.” I handed the letter to Jeong In with a shaky hand and a pounding heart. He took the letter. He slowly opened the enveloped. Inside the envelope, there was a 6 papers folded neatly. One by one, Jeong In started to read the inside of the letter.
Dear Felix Lee,
Hi babe, you might find this letter a little old-fashion but you can’t really complain can you? I mean, you dated an old fashioned person who still can’t get over the year 1898. Haha. Anyways, hope you are having fun there in Korea. I’m kinda feeling lonely here in Sydney without you here. Always take care and don’t skip your meals…
As Jeong In was reading the contents inside the letter, I feel my eyes getting watery and my heart felt heavy. He saw my situation and stopped reading
“You okay there, Aubri?” he asked. You can clearly hear from his voice that he was worried. I wiped the tears and give him a smile before nodding.
“I’m fine. Something just got into my eyes”
There really something in that letter and journal that I can’t explain nor get off my head. I wonder what really happened with those people 20 years ago. Are they still alive till today? The questions inside my head keeps bugging me and I didn’t realized that I already drifted to dreamlands. Hope tomorrow, all these thought will fade away…
“Aubriana!! Aubriana!! Please. Get off there. I’m begging you. Don’t do this. Felix will not like this.”
“Shut up, Chan. Just please, shut up and go. Leave me be.”
“Felix is gone, Aubri. Wake up and accept that fact. Even if you end your life, he will never come back”
“SO?? I DON’T CARE. I NEED HIM, CHAN. I FUCKING NEED HIM WITH ME HERE. BY MY SIDE. ALWAYS. WITHOUT HIM, I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO. I WILL FUCKING LOSE MY SANITY. CHAN…I need him..”
I woke up from a really weird dream with another watery eye. With my head all fuzzed up, I found myself going through the journal.
Day 325 of 365
This day can’t get any worst does it? We’ve been keeping the death of one of our friends but it was all just so hard. Chan hyung decided to come back to Sydney for some private matters.
Day 345 of 365
Aubri killed herself. I thought everything was going smooth but guess everything really changed huh.
Day 355 of 365
The year is ending.
Day 356 of 365
The year is ending.
Day 357 of 265
The year is ending.
I felt chills to my bones when I started seeing those words over and over again. The year is ending. The days until 364 was all filled with repetitive sentence. I started to get scared so I call Jeong In. He immediately picked it up and not long after, he was at the front of our house. We were neighbors, that’s explains why.
“Maybe we should throw this two away.” Jeong In, who was holding the paper and the journal, proposed. At first, I was very hesitant because I want to keep it and put it on one of my collections but as I keep it long, I might lost my sanity. So I agree to Jeong In’s proposal and threw the journal along the letters on fire. Maybe that way, the soul that wrote those will peace..
A year after
“Seriously, Jeong In. You need to stop” I was currently laughing my butt off by another one of Jeong In’s stupid jokes. We were currently hanging around P.A.C.E Park.
It was currently 6:35 in the afternoon. The sun was almost setting and you can see the sunset in warm orange. The atmosphere was chilly yet it was nice. Jeong In and I have been hanging around here since 3. Our class ended earlier than expected and it was still far too early to go home so we decided to waste our time in here.
“So, Aubri. Have you been having the same nightmares as before?” Jeong In asked cautiously as he knew it might trigger me or something, and by ‘nightmare’, he meant the thing that happened a year ago. I give him a shook, indicating a ‘no’ and he gave me a smile, showing his new set of braces.
“We should get home. It’s getting dark” I said, shaking the dirt off my butt.
“Yeah. But, I need to pick up something so you go ahead. See you tomorrow” He took his bag with him and ran off, leaving me in the park all alone. Aiish, what a gentleman.
I was walking like the undead, trying to scare the rapist away. As if it would him. Bu nah, who cares. I like to walk this way. As I was walking in an alleyway, I felt a poke from behind me. Is this Jeong In brat tripping me? I did not bother turning around and just said “What?” with an unbothered voice. I know this is Jeong In. He is such a prankster so..
“Excuse me, but may I know where the Hellevator apartment is. I think I lost my way there and I’m not familiar with the places here.” An unfamiliar deep voice said. This time, I turned around and saw a guy, not that tall, looking at me. He has a red hair, split in between, and freckles all over his face. Judging by his face, he’s not Korean. I face palmed myself for thinking it was my stupid friend.
“I’m actually on my way there, wanna go together?” What the heck Aubriana? Where the heck did you even get the courage to ask a guy out?
“Would that not bother you?” He asked politely with his broken Korean.
“Nope”
“Cool. I’m Felix by the way” Felix. His voice echoed to my head for a good 5 minutes before I gave him a reply.
“Aubriana”
We apparently arrived at the apartment and beside it was our neighborhood. I had fun talking to this Felix guy. He was really comfortable to be around despite the fact that I just met him for like, an hour ago.
“Oi Felix, You arrived bro? Why didn’t you contact us?” a blond guy with a really pale skin suddenly appeared. He was speaking English fluently and his accent was a turn on, but Felix’s accent was a more turn on. I’ve been walking around this are but I haven’t seen his face before. That’s weird.
“Oh, Chan hyung. I did tried to call but the line was busy so I tried to find my way and bump into this very generous lady” they were both having a conversation in English and I feel a little awkward and alienated for a moment.
“Oh, Hi there” the blonde guy, who turns out his name was Chan, diverted his attention to me and gave me a smile. I smiled at him back and waved.
“I’ll go now. Bye” I was about to go when Felix hold my wrist.
“Wanna go inside? I want to introduce you with my friends. Can you?” he gave me a puppy eye look with a matching pouty lips. Arggh, how can I resist that?
I give him a nod and the three of us went inside the apartment.
As we enter the small apartment, I saw a one familiar face laughing along with 5 unfamiliar ones.
“Jeong In? Is this the reason why you ditch me earlier?” I stormed inside the apartment, not minding the gazes the10 pair of eyes that was giving me.
“Hey, Aubri” He said with a huge smile plastered in his face. I just give him a slight smack in the head before sitting beside him. “So, who are you people?” I asked. They were all seemed surprised by what I said but later on caught up.
“I’m Jesus, Han Xiong” a squirrel looking guy said.
“Seo Changbin”a guy with a really sharp chin, wearing a really black t-shirt, said.
“Hwang Hyunjin”a tall, prince looking, guy said
“Hi, I’m Kim Woojin” a guy with no eyes said with the cutest smile in his face
“I know, you know, Hi I’m Lee Min Ho.” a weird looking guy said, trying to be seductive but he just look like an idiot.
“We met outside, I’m Bang Chan” The guy from the kitchen counter said.
As they were introducing themselves, my head started to hurt.
“I’m Young, Kim.” My head started to hurt more as a memory came through my mind.
This journal is a property of
Kim Seungmin
From: Seoul, South Korea
My vision started to blur. Kim Seungmin? That’s ridiculous. It’s just a coincidence, Aubriana. Just a coincidence.
Before I completely lost my vision, a man with a deep voice said. “I’m Felix Lee”
“Felix, are you really going to Korea and leave me here?”
“Leave you? Aubri, what are you saying? I’m going to Korea so that I will not leave you. You know why right? I’m going there for my treatment. Don’t be sad. I’ll be back right away”
“Aubri, are you okay?” Jeong In asked. I slowly opened my eyes and saw 9 faces surrounding me.
“Yeah” I replied, holding my head and trying to regain my composure. I looked at Jeong In in the eye and said…”I’m seeing it again.”
We left the apartment after that and Jeong In brought me to our house.
“Call me if you need me” He said before leaving.
Morning came, luckily I did not see any vision last night. I woke up extra early today because, today is Tuesday and Tuesday is for exercise day. I always do this every Tuesday morning to calm myself.
I was running throughout the neighborhood when I saw a very familiar figure. It was Felix. He was sitting at a bench, looking at his phone, with a puzzled look in his face. I ran up to him and poke his shoulder
“Ah, A-Aubriana” he stuttered, then quickly hide his phone on his right pocket. I was a little confused by his actions but just let it go.
“What are you doing here early this morning?”
“ahh..nothing. just chilling”
“At this time of the day?”
“Y-yah”
“Weird. But anyways, I gotta go. I still have school. Bye bye” He waved me a goodbye and I ran back to our house.
It’s been 3 months since Felix and 7 others came to Laventer Town. They’ve been also going to TMT High School and we always hang out together. Despite being new, they suddenly have a fan club and many girls are going out through them like some crazy fan girls. With great power comes great responsibility. And by that I meant, ever since I hang out with the boys, many students start to pick on me, but that did not stop me from hanging out with them though. I mean, who cares. I have them.
“That’s unusual, where’s lix?” I asked, looking around for Felix Lee. I am close with everyone, but with Felix, I feel much more closer to him than anyone. He would always take my side when we argue about something.
“Aubri..there’s something we want to discuss with you..” the atmosphere feel a little heavy when Chan spoke those words.
“Yeah, what is it?”
“Felix…is currently in the hospital. And he will be there for quite a long time. We don’t know the exact day he will be released.” Chan said with all seriousness. He was looking straight to my eyes without breaking the gaze and everyone was silent throughout the time.
My mind all went blank and I can’t open my mouth. My heart was feeling really heavy and I didn’t realize the tears forming in the corner of my eyes. Woojin was about to say something when I suddenly ran off.
“Oi, Aubri. Where are you going?” they all tried to call out for me but I did not bother and just kept on running. I don’t know where my legs were taking me but I don’t have the intension on stopping.
After a mile of running, I unconsciously arrived at the Hospital. I found myself going through the front desk. “I’m here to visit Lee Felix”
I was standing in front of a door with the name Lee Felix on the side. I was about to knock when a familiar voice called up to me.
“Aubriana? What are you doing in here?” his deep, raspy voice echoed throughout the empty hallways. I didn’t bother answering his question and just ran up to him and hugged him tight. The thought of losing this guy, broke me. I don’t want him to go anywhere. I just want him by my side. It sound selfish but, God knows how much I am in love with this guy. Yes, I’m in love with him. I’m in love with Lee Felix.
“Are you okay?” I felt a light pat on my head. His hand that was touching my head felt so warm. “Aubriana..I-I can’t breathe”
“Oh, I’m so sorry” I said, letting go from the hug.
“It’s not that comforting but..wanna go inside?” he asked, inviting me in his room.
I took up his offer and went inside. Without beating any bushes, I asked him “Why are you here?”
There was a good 5 minutes silence before he heaved a sigh, and said “well, ever since I was a child, I have a heart cancer. And as they day goes by, it’s getting worst and worst. Mom decided to bring me to Korea for a treatment since she heard that they can somehow extend my days here…on earth” he let out a laugh. He really tried to make a joke In this situation, huh.
“so, when’s the operation?” I asked, holding my tears.
“Tomorrow-“
“TOMORROW?” I shouted. Shocked by this sudden revelation, I tried to keep my cool. Despite the fact that I wanted to breakdown. “Lix, why didn’t you tell me about any of this? How about the others, do they know?” I asked and he just nodded, with his head down. I can’t believe this. They’ve been keeping such secret from me.
By this moment, I lost all my composure and fell on the cold floor. Felix tried to catch me but was too late as my body met the cold floor.
“Aubry..”
“Why…why didn’t you tell me?” I looked him in the eyes, my tears won’t stop from falling. He tried to wipe the but they just won’t stop from flowing. “Felix..why? Tell me!”
“I’m sorry. I don’t know how to tell you without making you worry because I know you so well, Aubri. I know you worry.”
“How can I not, Lee Felix? Your my friend, and I care for you.” That words sting. Knowing the fact that, till his remaining days, we will just remain friends..and it sucks..
“I’m sorry, Aubri. I’m sorry” he hugged me tight as I cry on his shoulder. I can’t breathe properly by all the snot that was now covering the holes on my nose. We remained in that position for almost 30 minutes.
I hope this is all just a dream..
I went home with a heavy heart.
The person whom I’m in love will not be by my side for long, and that thought itself break my heart to pieces. I tried to erase that though by replacing it with a happy memory but most of them were all filled with Felix. He has brought such impact to me and I’m not ready to say goodbye. I know the operation hasn’t occur yet I’m already having these weird thoughts. Am I trying to kill him already? Argh, what the hell, Aubriana.
I tried to, once again, shake off the thoughts off my head when suddenly, a thought came into my head.
Day 326 of 365
March 25 was the day Felix died.
I looked at my phone, March 23, 11:57 pm, it said. God, Aubriana. What the hell are you even thinking? The events on that journal in this has nothing to do with each other. It’s just merely a coincidence. Wait…Felix will not die. Pull yourself together, dumbass..
Day 157 of 365
We found out that Felix had a heart cancer. And it was getting worst each day. Chan hyung was panicking when he cough blood last night.
Day 167 of 365
Felix was rushed to the hospital. He was coughing blood all over the apartment. Jeong In was scared. Everyone was panicking.
Day 172 of 365
We visited Felix on the hospital today. His condition was getting worst each time we visit. But he still manage to wear his signature smile. His signature warm smile.
Day 188 of 365
Life really is unfair. Though, at least they let us experience what it was like to hang out with an angel.
March 25, xxxx
“Felix Lee, time of death, March 25, 9:32 pm”
In room 4419, everyone was grieving. As they all say their goodbye, the room was filled with cry and curse. The operation was a failure. Lee Felix did not survive.
“No one ever told me that grief felt like fear” Aubriana said as he was holding the cold hand of his now deceased, best friend. “You know, you’re so unfair. You never, even once, let me confessed to you” she bitterly smile and continued “Felix, I hate you for coming in my life and leaving me hanging. I hate your warm smile. I hate your pranks, your kindness and your comfort. I hate the butterflies in my stomach that you always give me. I hate your deep raspy voice when you speak. Your cringe ass pick up line. I hate the fact that I will never experience all of those ever again. I hate that I didn’t properly said goodbye to you. Neither did you said one to me. Felix Lee…I so damn hate you” Aubriana tears was overflowing. His childhood friend, Jeong in, went to her side and hug her, trying to calm her down.
It has been a month since the passing of Felix, and well, I can’t lie, I missed him every single day. But I’m trying my best to move on.
“Good Morning, Jisung. What are you up to?” I bubbly asked Jisung who was hiding something behind his back.
“Uhm..Aubri, I know you’re in the process of moving on from…’that’ event. And I don’t wanna spoil your happiness. But, i want you to listen to this. “ he hand me an iPod with a earphone attached to it. Confused, I just took the ipod from him and plugged the earphones in my ears.
Tears suddenly fall from my eyes as I heard the voice that I was longing to hear..
I hope you’ll hear the lyrics of this song
The lyrics for you won’t flow away
And will be there for you, stay
Too many days I was up all night painfully
Whenever I was doing so, you gave courage to me
Even if we saw the same fearful future
You put my dream first
Thank you for reaching out your hands
I feel empathy I want to lean on you
Stand by my side
I start to open my mind, remove my anxiety
Hold my hands quickly
No need to separate each other
If we gather, we help each other
Everything you say by my side
Relieves me so much
I think I’m still young I’m afraid
I don’t want to keep the word ‘alone’ by my side
I hope you’ll hear the lyrics of this song
The lyrics for you won’t flow away
And will ring in your ears
You came to me for no reason
If I’m not there for you, I’ll be on your side
I’ll go see you soon
“Everything inside that song was all filled with Felix’s feeling for you. Ahhh..also, this” he showed me a small enveloped. “He wanted you to have this. I’m sorry it took a while before I give it to you. I really can’t find the right timing.”
“It’s okay, Jisung” I give him a reassuring smile. “Thanks for this”
Dear Aubriana
First of all, have you heard the song? I hope you like it. By the moment you receive this letter, I’m probably no longer walking the same path as you guys. Hehehe. Sorry about keeping my condition a secret. I don’t really know how to face you after saying it. I don’t want you to worry. I want you to always see a healthy and happy me, even though I am clearly not healthy. I just don’t want to be a burden to the girl that I liked, you know. I want to appear cool as always. Remember the first time we met? Yeah, it was awkward at first because I can’t speak Korean. But you keep up with me and understand me and throughout the way to the apartment, you never let the atmosphere get awkward and keep the conversation going.
You might not know it but ever since that they, I fell in love with you. You caught my attention and my interest. You’re really cool and unique. One of the kind.
Thanks for always being by my side. I’m sorry I won’t be able to stay by your side. Even if you no longer see me, just know that I am walking with you. I love you, Aubriana. I’m sorry I couldn’t tell you that when I was still there.