one shots are confusing

Jaesahi/Jaehi

Para Asahi:

I know you must be fed up with me by now, I suppose I would be too, not if you were the one sending me these letters, that's for sure. I don't know if you can read them, but I think the doctor was right and writing them makes me feel better.
Mashiho finally forgave Junkyu, and they went back to being the lovey-dovey couple they'd always been. They were our OTP, remember? We always joked about them; it was fun watching them. Honestly, since you've been gone, seeing them only makes me jealous and sad. We were never like them; no one is as affectionate in public as they are. But seeing them reminds me that you're no longer by my side. It's hard. I wish I could have gone with you. I hadn't told you, but I tried. I wanted to go with you, and I almost made it, but Jeongwoo found me. Everyone was so worried about me. Their looks were similar to the one I had when you left, so I decided I'd have to wait a little longer to be with you again. But it's hard. Every day, every night, all I think about is you. I often think of jokes about Junkyu and Mashiho's relationship. I turn to tell you, but you're not there anymore. When Haruto does something stupid, I look around to see what face you made or I wait for one of your comments, but they never come.
Putting the sad things aside, the doctor says I'm improving, and I feel it's true. I had a talk with Yoshinori and Mashiho, and they told me I didn't need to forget you like I'd been trying. They said I probably wouldn't ever get over you, that they wouldn't either, but that I had to keep going while carrying you with me. I will. I'll carry you in my heart for the rest of my life. I'll be happy again. Thinking of you will make me smile instead of cry. I know your memory will bring peace and happiness to my days instead of sorrow and melancholy.
I'm saying goodbye now, I know you're okay and that puts my mind at ease. I'll keep writing to you so I'll talk to you soon, goodbye.

With Jaehyuk's love