Understanding Yoongi, Suga, and Agust D is like trying to understand how miracles happen... he has three main strengths in his personality: shyness, sweetness, and darkness.
Most of the time he's kind and calm, with a rather rude vocabulary; he's quite unique. When I have the chance to say something nice to him, he gets shy and embarrassed, usually not knowing how to respond.
I can see he thinks a lot about what I say, because he often goes blank. Today, he said things that really affected me. I wanted to tell him that this path with me makes everything harder, but the strangest thing about Yoongi is the way he looked at me.
I didn't want to say something that would probably haunt him for the rest of his life, because he hurt me with something that came out of his mouth not exactly on purpose... but it was definitely on his mind... his dark side was there waiting for something to devour him alive. So I ran away, to think more calmly in my heart about what to say.
I got soaked in the rain, and I felt stupid for going out in this weather. Since I was already outside, I wanted to go far away and vent my frustration, but that would only worry everyone and wouldn't help matters.
Suga's lips trembled as he looked out the window, and that gave me the certainty that I was right; he was the only one who was regretting it, so I quickly went back so that he wouldn't get the idea of going out to look for me in this rain.
For an adult, he takes pretty poor care of himself; he hurts himself with his own words. I gave him time to think and compose himself while I took another hot shower.
I also used that time... to consider whether I really wanted Yoongi to love me, or to be the only one who felt anything. Who could continue resisting after being tempted by his killer skills?
On the occasions when he has kissed me or touched me... well... I get nervous just thinking about it.
I felt like fighting, or continuing to wait on the sidelines for a bit of their attention... That was no longer an option. I walked to our room in a bathrobe and with a towel, choosing one of those beautiful dresses Hoseok's sister had helped me order when I arrived here. She's an amazing woman, and she immediately realized I wouldn't be compatible with her brother, even when we only talked about our own things. We shared something in common... Later, I should take a moment to thank them both for how kind they'd been to me. The brothers had been the quickest to be warm and welcoming.
He didn't notice I was getting dressed or even in the room until my hair dryer started running; he was debating with himself.
Once I was ready and dressed, I didn't quite know what to do. It wasn't the right time to try to get his attention with my appearance. I carefully approached him so he would at least feel that I was determined to wait for the right moment to do that kind of thing and win him over.
I cupped Suga's face in my hands, trying to get into a comfortable position to talk. I love him... I remember the peculiar conversation with that doctor about my feelings for Yoongi. I understand that not everything will be perfect and that the not-so-pretty things will be intertwined with the good moments.
I am willing to discover his reality; my heart had chosen him, and for some reason my head told me not to hide from him and not to resist him either.
Yoongi was a mess, crying, with snot running down his face... he was searching for the exact words he should say to her.
First I should understand him, before taking his words so personally; he needs to realize that his actions give him hope every day, coming all the way here to see me and asking for a kiss... just after seeing me last night.
Suga also needs to know that happiness is simply possible if you let it come, and that you have to be the one to see the wonder of this world, regardless of the bad experiences that may come with it, hidden in every corner.
I couldn't finish my speech because he kissed me.
- Yoongi... damn it - I think I mixed languages again because of his reaction, but am I sorry?
No, he makes my brain melt. I wanted him, so I kissed him back.
I almost had a heart attack when I felt him reciprocate and when he asked me to open my mouth for him... well, my imagination was doing its job, I already felt like I had won some absurd competition.
He helped me to my feet, and I almost thought that was the end of it, seeing him cross the room to the door, while his sling lay abandoned on the floor.
He was on his phone, and I was tired of his sometimes cold, sometimes warm attitude. I pushed him against the door and took the phone from his hand. If he behaves rudely... I have the right to do exactly the same.
Do you want a reason to stay away from me?
At least now I'd have a really good one...
I loved him so much that those words slipped out unexpectedly, every time I'm near him, but I want more than just a few sweet kisses or to keep begging him.
I don't have any tricks to seduce him... I mean, I don't think I can seduce him in any way.
I kissed him the way I liked to be kissed, pressing my body against his. Soon I also wanted my second favorite spot, his neck; his skin is so soft, and I can feel him digging his fingers into it when I play with my tongue or teeth there.
It's nice of you to give me permission to leave a mark of my kisses on you.
- I don't need anything to remember what I do with you, the warmth of your hands, or the sweet taste of your mouth - I opened his shirt roughly, but effectively, and there was the reason why I can't sleep at night.
All that perfect, pale skin with beautiful curves... the fresh scent of Yoongi's perfume mixed with the soap he used this morning.
I took this as my last chance to have what I wanted, sliding my fingers all over that appetizing area until I could grab his waistband to take him where I could see him better and continue undressing him.
He was calm and collected, so I started thinking about a sensitive spot that would turn him on... I usually can't resist when he strokes my back, and I wanted a good response by removing all the extra things he likes to wear.
The only jewelry I really like is bracelets.
Now that we were on the same page, I wanted more, and he hoped to get permission to touch me by holding his hands up in the air in front of me. His hands are large and know how to give me goosebumps. He didn't need any help to open my dress and see what was underneath; he held up his pants, and I congratulated myself for getting such an honest response when he saw my body.
Suga guided me to the bed, still struggling with his injury, although he can now go some time without the sling, being careful.
He wants me, he said it loud and clear, but I was a little nervous about finding out if this would be the only thing he wanted from me... from the beginning I had mentally prepared myself that maybe that could be the case, a consequence that will hurt me for a while.
To my surprise, Suga followed my lead but didn't take the opportunity to have me completely, even though it was what I expected. I love him and trust him.
He could be respectful enough and we could still have a good time together. Since he thinks it's not the right time to do anything more yet, I can't help but feel a little rejected, even though Yoongi tries to convince me that we still have a lot to do, until the right opportunity arises.
Suga's body is to die for; he made me lose all shame about following his lead. I learned how to be sure he was enjoying it as much as I was. Dangerously sensual, and I almost fainted when he put the fingers he'd used to play with my body in his mouth.
Once I recovered from his overdose, I decided to return the favor. He tried to convince me it wasn't necessary, but I wouldn't let him win that battle. He was mortified to say what he wanted. Curious, I teased him playfully. I didn't know exactly what would happen, but it wasn't a bad experience.
I helped him clean himself with the damp towel I used a while ago and picked up everything we had thrown around us.
Checking the time, I still had a couple of hours before I had to make dinner and do my singing practice for the day. Yoongi didn't have the energy to work on anything, but he also didn't want to stay up here alone upstairs.
- Here you go... something nice for you to listen to since I can't go anywhere today to protect you from my agonizing training - I warned her
- It can't be worse than what I did - well, it's not my fault what was about to happen when I started my virtual classes, first there are the warm-up exercises and after a while the video with what the teacher wanted me to do.
As always, I set up the cameras to film me from the front and side so you can see my posture while I do the exercises... I wanted me to sing a bunch of songs I'd never heard before. I looked for ways to easily read the lyrics and try to pronounce them well since I can't read Hangul at all. After humming the song to familiarize myself with the sound, I tried to sing it while listening and reading... I tried song after song until I finished the assignment... My throat hurts even though I try to drink and rest between songs.
I made ginger and honey tea to soothe the pain, but all I wanted to do was cry about it... I hate not being able to control my voice, and everyone will agree it sounds awful.
I went back to my computer to listen to the results of my lesson from yesterday, which had just arrived in the middle of my practice.
Basically, my coach said I have no talent and should learn Korean properly because I can't read the lyrics and can't make sense of my performance... the teacher may be a great singer, but... really?
He wanted to tie him to the train tracks and abandon his corpse in the jungle.
PD had also asked me to send him some songs to see how I do with something of my choosing, since he was worried about the reports he was receiving from my tutor... my throat was killing me, so I decided I would do it after dinner.
At least I would sing something I liked... but really, all I wanted to do was go to bed and cry until I felt better.
Yoongi was on his phone and hadn't seen the guard anywhere since morning, so I asked the only one present what he wanted to eat and made enough for the two of them.
For me, just mashed potatoes and boiled eggs would have been enough, and I also baked an apple to make it gentle on my throat... I would have preferred some vegetables, but I didn't have anything here that was soft enough.
Suga's P/V:
Baby's practice was sad; I checked with the guys to see if any of them had tried those songs and sent them some short videos as well, so the group's vocal line could have some idea of how their learning was progressing.
In:I've never tried it, those songs are impossible for me, her voice is beautiful anyway.
JN:Now I understand why she finds it so difficult; we don't have the same problems as her... for us, the difficult thing is singing foreign music, but we always work on only one song at a time before trying a new one; she was agonizing from the beginning.
JM:Are you alright? You've never used your voice before. I'm definitely going to kill the idiot you got as a teacher. 😖
JH:I'd never heard those songs before, can anyone really learn anything that way?... Our classes were fun because we had to do all those ridiculous things to learn the keys and keep the rhythm 🤔
RM:Jiminshi is right, she must be really sore and stressed, it didn't sound like she was enjoying doing it.
SG:It sounds like he wants to cry or kill someone, but he still has to send some samples to PD... he's rested before trying, he can barely speak.
JK:Wow, poor girl... I sent the clips to PD... she needs a different kind of teacher to get started... I think she'd be better off on her own; she sounds much better when she tries one of my suggestions... she has a nice voice, but it's unstable because she doesn't know what she's doing. She told me that the only thing she dared to do was hum, because everyone has always told her that she sounds horrible and that she's better off keeping quiet.
SG:I sound awful, but everyone always tells me to take it seriously 😬 You guys are amazing... dinner time... I'll send you what I made for PD and see how you do with something you like 👋
I noticed the difference between our dinner and hers... I really felt like committing a crime against that guy. I have to do something to help her... maybe I'll think of something... perhaps if I teach her other things that don't require her to use her voice like that, until she recovers from the pain.
Baby's phone rang and she answered it. She could barely speak, she had to admit it to me, but she was definitely celebrating whatever news she'd just received...
"Thank you for your concern... JK and PD are going to look for... another teacher... and I don't have to send anything... until I can," she said slowly so as not to further strain her sore throat.
I thanked my friends for helping her and said I would definitely show them how she does it when she can sing again.
We watched a movie and she fell asleep in my lap. I gently convinced her to go to bed. She got upstairs and took off her pajamas to lie down. I took my time since we had already prepared for bed before watching the movie.
I wanted her close after all the things we did this afternoon, and she gave me a little kiss before snuggling up to me and getting a good night's rest.
Baby rolled out of bed to turn off her alarm. It was early to start the day, but she liked having all the time in the world and not rushing around all day. She looked outside and it was still raining a little, but much less than before. The princess wanted to go outside for a walk, but she didn't want to hear anything more about the rain. Her voice was raspy because of yesterday, but she didn't complain.
She decided to make breakfast for herself and watch TV, while I relaxed in bed for a while longer until I needed to use the bathroom. Our album comes out tomorrow, and I realized how much I enjoy seeing other people's reactions and comments about it.
The boys prepared interviews and planned presentations without me, but they were kind to me, saying that it wasn't the same if we weren't all together.
I went downstairs to have breakfast and see what to do this morning; I hadn't used the sling much yesterday, so today I felt like using it again.
Baby said a package arrived and it was the first time she'd been waited for outside the cabin, but she already suspected the reason deliveries weren't coming here was because of the store employee; she'd been carrying heavy things from the store to her cabin because of him.
Baby's excitement made me curious to know what she had ordered. The package wasn't big—maybe a book? She usually uses her tablet to read because she doesn't have much room in her luggage, and now she has more clothes. Nice clothes, not just the ones she needs for dancing.
He went back to open it; it contained our mixtapes specially made by our staff. He was very happy, sending the news to Hoseok and Namjoon that he couldn't anymore, hoping to get them physically.
He even had mine, but he especially liked the second one because he was examining it closely; someone had done a good job, because nobody should have something like that unless it was handmade.
"I didn't know you were an ARMY... I thought you'd wait for us to get you an album." Baby smiled and took something from her wallet... she had membership cards for our company's groups and for Day 6, those were the groups she liked the most, but she didn't know if she would renew all those memberships.
Baika would ask PD-nim for permission before the renewal time, in case she does not have permission to be an official Army, Moa or member of any other Fandom she chooses.
"Don't worry about it, because you've built good relationships with us and other people at the agency. They'll understand if you have to stop being part of their fandom. It's enough that you like our music." I never thought she'd truly love our music to the point of wanting to buy it and be so excited to have a physical copy.
"I really wanted your latest work... it's absolutely perfect and I never get tired of listening to it... I also ordered the others because they're good, although I've only fallen in love with a few songs... I think," he said.
- Well, it would be strange to love every single song... I've changed a lot since I recorded the first one until now... I feel more confident about what I want to do - she came closer to me and gave me a very light kiss on the lips.
- I love you Yoongi, I can feel how much you love your work, it shows in the result, I'm definitely looking forward to what you'll create in the future - I pulled her onto my lap to sit her down and kiss her better.
"I... I'm not the cutest guy in the world, but don't give up on me, Baby... I want to be with you... I came to tell you this, ever since I met you... well, I can't imagine not having you around... I thought I should keep my distance... I don't want to hurt you because my situation is complicated... I can't publicly express how happy it makes me that you love me, I have to ignore you in public... I'll be away almost all the time... it's scary, princess." Finally, I said it... probably what she was hoping for was an "I love you too."
"I didn't ask for things to be perfect, Yoongi. I'm sure there are parts of me you're going to hate... I know it's going to be complicated and that it might not last a second... but something tells me it has to be you... Maybe I'm cursed... I haven't had much luck... although maybe it's because I was never very clear about my feelings... you're the only one who makes me say 'I love you' without planning it, I've told you that before... I can't help it." She made me so happy, and it embarrassed me, because even though I've heard those words before, they feel so different...
I'm very pleased to hear those words, knowing that Baby has no intention of asking me for impossible things as compensation.
Should I ask her to be my girlfriend? She was having a fantastic morning, talking for a while, clearing up my unfortunate words from yesterday and trying to enjoy the present, even if she's hoping everything will turn out alright... she's going to face things as they come, little by little, one thing at a time.
Now that my heart wasn't so heavy, I was in a good mood to work on my music while she worked on her computer, swaying a little to the music she was listening to while she did her homework. The guard brought meat to grill outside, since it had stopped raining and he wanted to give her the day off from the kitchen, and he wasn't bothered that there weren't as many vegetables as she usually makes us eat.
She enjoyed the food and went for a walk because she had eaten a lot. I helped the friendly guard pick everything up and take it inside to clean since I can't do much. With his help, I was able to go outside and relax for a while while I wait for her to return.