LS1 is really coming. I was happy with Blinks specially to my own fans, Lilies. The all out support and protect that I had, thanks to their dedication and hardword.
When I was younger, I always smile to everything that I do. I always put my positive aura, despite the rejection, discrimination, failures Now, I felt like I overreact a lot (refers to Light Up The Sky quote). I wanted to be someone else. I wanted to showcase the other side of me, that id hope people still accepts me.
-but thats not the case-
"why does Lisa only reposted her co-member and then tagged her. Is she not a friend?"
"what a disgusting! How dare she only reposted without saying anything?"
"is it hard to type words for her?"
Those we're the hate words I have read when Jennie unnie's bday came up.
I felt like I lost my appetite, but then I wanted to greet her personally. I dont want to make her upset, since its a celebratory day for her.
We had fun, we ate, met some common friend and then we separate again.
I still feel anxiety over the past months. Sometimes Im overly happy, sometimes I feel down. I am scared that I cant meet the expectations.
I dont know.
What Im thankful, is the cats that I lived with. Tho, I still feel alone but felt less when I see them.
I cant open up the social media, I maybe goofy but Im actually an anti-social. That means, I only show the bright side to the persons Ive known but felt awkward to strangers. People misinterpreted me sometimes.
Im tired of all the things that Im not. I wanted to be me, but I wanted to give them the best Lisa.
I am not a bad person.
Maybe these anxieties will be gone soon, I just need to doze off a lot.