How much I regret everything... is this what Yoongi needed? Or he has been playing with me? Maybe he got tired of dealing with me... yes, that was probably the reason.
They all promised that there was nothing to regret, that they understand the situation... I don't can even imagine why I ended sleeping with them.
Well I new the reason... Yoongi... he was my reason to do things that I probably would never do. I thought that he was on my side, that he knew me well enough to consider me precious and out everyone's else possibilities, at least meanwhile we wanted to be together.
- Bunny, please... say.... something... I would do anything you want - Jungkook says worried, I wasn't moving or making a sound. I was just hearing about him and Jin talking about feelings towards me that I would prefer to ignore.
I just sighed, selecting well my words... I wasn't forced to be promiscuous... A side of me had those desires but wasn't exactly important to me. Also my feelings were to not hurt others with my words.
- Whatever I can say... might hurt. So if I can...would like to remain silent.... What is what you guys want from me? I mean... Yoongi is my husband and selled me to his friends, what is he going to gain with this? A reason to kick me out of his life? Money? A legit motive to make my existence miserable? - yes, I had a lot to say but the gestures of shame and eyes watering made me stop talking... I just wanted to hurt out of frustration... I didn't came this far to become the exotic girl that they can share to have some sexual fantasy becoming true.
- I haven't done such a thing love... I know that I forced the situation when you needed me instead... but I can't be the husband of your dreams... I am this ugly... all about me is ugly.
- What is what you haven't done? You forgot to ask for something that would benefit you?- I barked full of anger even if my voice wasn't very loud... it wasn't necessary for me to raise my tone to be heard.
- Baika we all want to be your strength and ... - Jin started to say.
- Do you really believe that if my intention was to become your woman, would wait until now to be with you? I am married, I have feelings... even wished to the mother of Yoongi's babies... do you really think that he would date a virgin girl if I wanted to use my body and intelligence to manage men?... all of you knew my feelings... must have heard from him that I'm on my lower moments... any of you... tried to help me. Just took the opportunity and I guess that I give you sex if my life gets shorter.
- I love you.... something inappropriate happened but... I don't regret it. Even.... you can blame me for everything... you can hate me. I will do whatever you want from now on ... I just wanted to tell you that I love you and that this situation shouldn't become something to regret.- Yoongi says... I couldn't contain my tears and my feelings...I was a failure to myself... why he would love me? I can't even meet my own eyes in the mirror.
- Don't cry Baika, don't cry please... - They said words of comfort but that only made feel worse and lonely... what kind of horrible love they were talking about? They ignored me completely for a moment of pleasure... was better to take the opportunity to fuck me than remember that this is exactly the kind of person that I was trying to not become.
I can be horrible, why can't leave be a good girl instead? Why I can't be a clean angel? Why I have to choose the path I always refused... is not easy to be nice, to be loyal, to be exact what I tried to be for Yoongi years have been creating myself to not become like anyone wants...just what I want... to crumble because he says so... I am so pathetic.
SUGA'S P/V:
We were talking about this things before Jimin came to... I am not sure about what he wanted actually. But we all knew she didn't wished to damage our relationship or the things she shared with Jin and Jungkook... she can't be their lover either... so casual sex for convenience was not in her ideas... my sweet wife doesn't wanted anything of that, would be inconvenient and a bad idea in her own words. Baika is absolutely right... nobody knows what will happen now... but she is not crying because I gave her a little appreciation.
- beautiful... can we talk alone for a moment?... they can order something... would you like that? Would you like something nice to eat?- I finally asked, our words of comfort didn't made any difference and I couldn't deny that they seems to realize that she wasn't believing in any of us.
I hope she will give me the chance to demonstrate her that we are a solid couple and the door I opened for my friends... is something that can help us... She should ask me everything that she doesn't understand... I made the walls, I want her to break them.
I took her hand glently and she apologized to our friends for leaving when they clearly wanted to talk about everything now. Baika asked them to reflect on their words a little longer, she was uncomfortable with the result, because in the end our relationship seemed to loose all normal reason to exist.
The most important thing in a couple has been crushed by them a few hours ago and just now they realized that they wouldn't let that happen with someone they truly love... so their words about affection towards her sounded totally fake now.
- sorry, I made you wait... - she said to my back, after asking me if she could take a few minutes to be more comfortable. Our room was my collection of memories with her and I was looking at those pictures together to realize how happy we were. At least them were memories of nice events that we could share together, I was wearing something completely different too.
- you look great, more than beautiful... - I said when she got seated by my side.
- really? Beautiful?... I can't believe you - she covered her body from my stare... without doubt, not even the first time, I could stare at her body, she wouldn't hide anything... now she does... and it's my fault.
I am convinced because she ended crossing the ring I hold up for her if she wanted me... I am a horrible man, I have been doing all to mold her to my convenience and fortunately she was in a state that I could use to tie her as I wanted.
Now she was trapped... has done something wrong, passed over her own values to please me... to please us... because Jin and Jungkook in the end were helping me to set her. Obviously they had their own reasons to be with her, to love her weirdly... that's why I trust them.
They hate gossips and never will do something cruel to anyone... not someone that doesn't earned it. I can bet my head on that, I know them well, and they know me I wouldn't permit a bad word directed to my wife.
I positioned myself behind her and moved slowly, asked her if I could be like this with her. I could feel the chills in her whole body when my hands finally got to hold her shoulders. I asked if I should take some distance, in case she had inconvenient to tolerate me... I know that I forced her enough to end in this sordid situation.
- I'm scared... can't think in anything... I fell... horrible... I am the worst... sorry... I...
- Shhh... it's okay... don't worry... don't worry about a thing... I am here... - was the only thing that happened to dare to say.
After a while of silence she turned to look for my eyes, I couldn't read her thoughts but happiness was not the feeling that I could perceive. I kissed her lips carefully, trembling she closed her eyes to enjoy the presure that I was using. I moved my head a little to the side to deepen the conexion and her tears wetted my nose.
- Are you scared of me? - I finally asked, she never showed up any of that in front of me.
- It's not my intention... I can't accept myself... I ... a part of me enjoys being able to be... I... I am so sorry... Yoongi I... know that is wrong... you shouldn't have me around.
She tried to explain me, I know how it feels like ... I was struggling to find the way to be closer to her.... equally... what a hard thing to find... I damaged my angel to have one... a girl, that I hope she will be fine with me. Baika promised to not leave... hope she can understand better... what kind of horrible guy I am.
JUNGKOOK'S P/V:
- goodness... do you think that they are fine?
- yes... Baika doesn't mean to fight against him, she is not quite good handling him.
- What! ... How come? He will bring the moon and stars for her... I got it all wrong?
- She loves him insanely... or haven't you realized that no matter what happens, inside her always will be full of feelings for Yoongi and exclusively him?
- I know what Yoongi feels like, that she sees a man when she is with me and what I feel for her... But don't see her very comfortable about what happened... she seems sadly about it... I imagined that?
- Compared to Yoongi, in her heart we are nothing, she is a good child so probably feels terrible... she knows how to hurt but that doesn't mean that she will be happy causing trouble to the ones she cares about.
- mmm... still... I imagined it differently... Yoongi and you said she was sweet.
- And she isn't? - Yoongi suddenly talked
-.... my dick hurts... I can't believe her... what have you been teaching her?
- Yoongi molded her to his preferences, how is she?
-... mmm, uncomfortable with herself, so don't say anything if she comes out dressing weirdly... or behaves even more extrange than ever. She would like to apologize for the hurting words... but endure her... she needs to be loved more than try to set her with our beliefs.
- mmm... you shouldn't worry about her... she has me, darling.
- what happened to your clothes?- Yoongi asked a little rudely.
- ...mmm everything went black as I was doing that, and hit my head when I finally fell backwards.... I told you that I was tired... and love the outing but if I am not sleeping like Jimin does... I am not resting well enough... have nightmares and don't think straight... would like to be your little girl but... I will die if I don't eat something before I can't move...you will kill me for real, sooner or later - she said cleaning the electric stove before trying to use it.
- Then stop moving around and ask for my help, beautiful... what would you like?- Yoongi smirked and stopped her activities
- scrambled eggs... unless your family decided to visit without telling you first. Should order what they eat or leave a note... can't make plans for my meals and sometimes I eat pure trash because can't buy ingredients in time.
- delivery food is not trash - Yoongi says, taking control of the kitchen and looking inside the fridge... wasn't full but have more ingredients than mine.
- we didn't ordered yet... we can prepare something if you don't want delivery - Jin suggested
- And what you where doing meanwhile Yoongi was making me cry? Men have to comment the story... pathetic - she says
- your wife is evil... just like you - Jin teased... I was too surprised to say anything... who was this person?
- Don't play with her in that state hyung... Jungkook can you feed her this and dress her some more clothes? This is what those crazycriminals kidnapped... she bites don't believe she is your bunny- Yoongi gave me some pudding for her.
- Be good... don't traumatize him, crazy girl. Jungkook doesn't mean to do bad to you.
- I'm always a good girl, if not you wouldn't be my first lover... husband or whatever you are trying to do with me.... mmm? I will do whatever I please.
- yes... you are mine... dare to do something, I'll show a lesson - Yoongi opened and egg using her forehead
- arrogant...
- exhibitionist, but you love me... any doubts?
- ...psss... that doesn't earned me much with you. A part of me is always in trouble because of that. Women open their legs only looking at your face in a screen... fortunate to by your wife my ass.
- Weren't you crying a moment ago? You can continue.
- I'm tired, don't molest me... come Kookie, ignore him, let's talk you and I in my room.
- Ah - ah... here, where I can save the poor Jungkook in time.
- I appreciate him, you know? He is cute, despite you and you- she pointed at Jin... well he showed his bad sides to have her sometimes... didn't worked until Yoongi said so.
- I don't trust you in that state.
- Are you jealous? ... I will take that as an affirmative answer - she says when he turned around and ignored the question.
- mmm...bunny?
- .... are you going to feed me? Look... poor me... I am very hungry, could die...
- ....eh.... you are making me feel nervous - I said, her hands trembling couldn't keep the pudding in the spoon long enough to end inside her mouth so I did it by myself. Her shirt ended up all dirty so I removed it. The stains are difficult to clear, I didn't let the caramel go dry on it. It took me a while to do everything as I please.
I was scared to notice how bad she can become if we don't help her.
JIN'S P/V:
- How are you feeling? What else do you want to eat? Yoongi is doing them hard.
- I don't enjoy raw eggs... just protein and vegetables... if not, I will have a sugar high rush and the opposite effect immediately afterwards... it's dangerous... goodness , I think.... I have to lay and wait until the pudding gives me a quick punch of energy.
- You should study medicine... you can be a prodigy... you can remember a lot of details that nobody notices - Yoongi says
- mmm... no thanks.... seems like a lot of work that I don't wanna do... why don't you study to be a psychologist? ... you are that kind of person... you can give others good advices.
- I... I love my life the way it is - Yoongi seemed more shy and the nice boy he is only around us. He is more comfortable and close to her horrible side that her usual nice, lovely and cute one... what a weirdo... I can't blame him... she advised me that we are different that I can manage myself well enough.
- maybe when I am not around... goodness, I didn't knew that I can lose consciousness trying to laugh - I was getting worried... the last time I saw her get unconscious because her lack on eating and resting properly was, when Yoongi was in trouble... usually she don't starve herself or goes extremely tired... why she... Yoongi was looking at me.
- sorry it's my fault... I always do everything as I please - he moved to feed her and I prepared plenty of different things... because we would like rice and noodles, not just meat and veggies. Like she wanted.
- mmm... I love you... so good... good boy - Jungkook and I resisted the urge to laugh when she talked to him as if he was a mascot... so unbelievable.
- yeah... yeah... don't use your hands, let me do it... open big/ ahhh...
- don't get acostumated, Min Yoongi... I should take your beautiful eyes and feed them.
- nnn... your priorities are all messed up, stop talking nonsense and eat well/ ahhh...
- Jungkook what the heck are you doing? - I asked curious
- Uh? Is funny when she eats... look, blowing softly because the food is hot ...
- Better go check if the rice it's ready - I said, he is always imitating people.
SUGA'S P/V:
- idiot - Baika moved her mouth without making a sound.
I waited for her photo session to finish, she was announcing a new color on contact lenses.
- yes!! That's the expression!!!... move that light...it's going to be terrible to correct that... the lenses has to look nicer than anything else.
I showed her the bag full of flowers in my hands, yes... I was acting like the perfect boyfriend today.
- Hey Baby, is true that you are trapped in a horrible marriage? It can't be... you aren't that old, I know that not long ago was your birthday... you are only 23 in international age. We should... - I felt nervous, the guy was a tall man that seemed very interested in her.
- Trapped? Uh? People must be really bored to talk about my private life.
- I knew it!! Why don't we go eat something nice... maybe you will enjoy a drink or two.
- You look so happy about it, do you understand what I mean?
- mmm.... I... I... You are in my heart....mmm please accept going out with me to know more about one another.
- ah? Are you asking me out ?... wow... I never imagined a thing like that that from you Hwang Dojoon.
- Well, if you don't have time... just give me your number and we can plan a date.
- Are you sure that you want that from me? I mean... why would you want to date me?... it's not like we had talked much earlier... I don't understand why you would like my number - I was getting worried, and jealous.
- well.... "I like you" ... that is English... you can understand better now? I like you... that is what I feel for you.
- ah... then you don't have a girlfriend... that's not true then...
- ...mmm... people is always talking nonsense.
- ah... I understand... mmm seems like she wants to tell you something urgent - a girl that I haven't noticed was standing there clearly annoyed.
- who?....- he couldn't say anything else, the woman kicked him between his legs
- seems like I have been dating the wrong person... here tell your family why you are going to cancel the wedding and pay the bills...fucking bastard!!! Now you can tell everyone why you don'thave a girlfriend...🤬 - yeah, he was a bastard.
- well... sorry but I don't date bad guys. My husband and I have to attend our anniversary date, you know... new wedded stuff. Hopefully you will find another girlfriend soon... seems like you don't have trouble to flirt with strangers.
I couldn't stop my smile under my scarf, out the weather was cold and crazy... I was surprised because is not snowing yet. My wife... that savage girl was all mine because she wanted to be mine.
- Love... I can smell your cologne in kilometers... are you okay?
- mmm... I am a little behind schedule... couldn't dress up prettier... so ...I thought... sorry - surely I was blushing like an idiot, I knew she would notice me... I wanted her attention all to myself.
- schedule? What do you have in mind? I thought that you wanted to end our relationship.... has been days that we don't meet - she pouted... she was moody, probably wasn't very well.
- then... why are you here in my car? - I asked worried
- I love you... I will go with you gladly... I miss you - I ignited the car but didn't showed how happy her words made me... I was also worried that her cool and smiling face was nowhere in sight.
- then why you moved? Our home is a disaster without you... I don't want to live alone.
- that day... I was having a very bad day... their words hurted me a lot... I just left without thinking.
- I looked for you on your old apartment.... a man is living there...I almost died hearing about it... who is him?
- A guy from Spain... he usually does interviews in English or Spanish on the streets, missed where to live and I decided to help him that day... we aren't lovers, he moved there right away... we aren't living together... I only want you...
- where are you living?
- In a hotel... I have money so living in Seoul is not a stressful situation for me.
- Can I go there?
- okay... Yoongi, those flowers...
- are for you... I bought a small cake too. I didn't knew that you reported your agenda to my manager... all this time... I could have found that just calling once.
- I bought a gift for you... it arrived?
- mmm.... yes, you shouldn't be so nice to me.... tell me where I should go - I said struggling, I have plans... but curiosity was killing me. I received my gift early in the morning, she texted me asking me to receive a delivery she set before moving away... moving.... all her things were exactly in the same place she left them... I changed my mind about everything when I saw my name in the package.
Two sets of drum paths to use at home... only for me. Since I started my service was struggling with the trouble of not being able to work in my studio... the few things I have at home were not enough to control the anxiety of not having all that I could use before my enlistment...
I searched everywhere to know how much, how long.... to get me thinking about.... would she really do this for me? Maybe another person would say... ah her bad, spending so much money in a dude that lives to make mistakes with her.
Probably spending a million and half of South Korean Wons... around A thousand dollars just to make numbers round or more if shw bought everything new from the branded store, here or in another country, delivered exactly today. November the 13th.
Could say no to my friends and spend my weekends alone with her. Could hear her advice and keep her to myself, as she wanted from the very beginning.... she didn't wanted me to go crazy out of jealousy... she always explained everything to me, is honest even when it hurts. And I don't deserve a woman like her by my side... I wicked her... but is fine with that.
Still.... made my mind to meet her today.
- The light is green Yoongi.... we can go forward - she says very softly touching carefully my hand that was resting on my lap playing with the fabric of my pants.