Was I just a regular fan? I followed them, oblivious to their current lives. I followed them to concerts, fan signings, and even events, fulfilling my role as a homeboy. But... it seems the time has come for this life to end.
Not only was my health deteriorating, but I felt too pathetic to sacrifice my life for an idol. Clearly, something I loved was ruining everything.
Just in case my heart wavered... I deleted everything, starting with my fan account. As if they never existed. Living as a homebody, I've had many connections, but I've decided to let them go.
Many fans tried to hold on to me, but I couldn't. Now, I've decided to become someone who isn't really a fan of anyone.
.
.
.
.
A few months have passed. At first, life without fandom felt so listless and difficult, but now, after quite some time, I'm doing better than I thought. I have a decent job at a decent company and spend time with friends, so I haven't had time to think about fandom.
Then one day, a colleague I had become close with at work asked me a favor.
"Please ㅠㅠ"
"No. I'm busy."
"This is my first time winning... I really want to go, but I have a business trip coming up ㅠㅠ"
"Why me..."
What's going on here? A coworker who's a BTS fan asked me to go to a fan signing instead. I don't know about him, but I have absolutely no confidence in seeing the people who once supported my life again.
"Please, please... I don't have anyone to ask... I'll definitely shoot big..."
I'm going crazy. I don't know about other people, but I can't afford to just buy a meal. I'm at a level where I'd risk my life...
"And I'll take care of this @@ meeting..."
"Send it to me via text. Location and other details."
You're going to take me to a meeting I absolutely hated? Oh, I can't stand this...;
.
.
.
.
Arriving at the fan signing venue, I felt strange. It wasn't my first or second time here, so why was I so nervous?
I'm planning to appear before them in a new form just in case. I hope they, who remember their fans so well, won't remember me.
To be honest, you might not remember. It's been over eight months, and with so many fans... how could you possibly remember me?
I sat down in my seat without much worry and waited for them to arrive. Fear and excitement must have coexisted. As I waited, my hands clenched and trembling, they were walking out.
"Army~!!"
Seven people came in waving their hands. I almost cried the moment I saw my favorite, Jungkook.
As we chatted about this and that, it was already time to get my autograph. As my turn approached, my heart felt like it was going to burst at any moment.
"Next person, please go up~"
My turn has come.
"...hello."
"Hello..."
"...?"
"Where have you been and now you're back?"
"yes...?"
Pupils shaking like crazy. What the heck, how did you know...?
"...I missed you. Do you know how worried I was because I couldn't see you for so long?"
"that is..."
"This..."
"Just a moment...!"
He must have remembered my name, as he called out to Seokjin to sign his autograph. I must remember that I'm not here today as a fan.
"Please do it with Yoon Ji-ah."
"...?"
"I came instead. I didn't come as a fan."
I don't know why my heart aches so deeply. Could it be because of his wavering eyes? The corners of his lips, forced up, seemed to tremble slightly.
"Why? You don't love me anymore?"
"...I want to live in the present. Thank you for everything up until now."
I grabbed Kim Seokjin's hand, unable to control his expression. Why did he look so pitiful, holding my hand so tightly?
"don't go."
"...hi."
Anyone who saw us would think we were a couple about to break up. I forced a smile and moved to the side.
"hello."
"how have you been doing...?"
I guess he overheard the conversation next to me. The forced smile said it all. Why am I, a mere one, feeling so sad when there are so many fans? It breaks my heart.
"If this continues, everything will be discovered. I thought I hid it better than expected."
I showed up wearing a hemeko I'd never worn before... Why are you guys so quick to recognize me? What am I, who worked so hard to hide it, guys?
"You have to hide what you need to hide. I can tell who you are just by hearing your voice."
"....."
"We've known each other since our debut. We grew up together. But why don't I recognize you?"
I was about to hurriedly lower my trembling hand. Taehyung warmly took my hand.
"Thank you. Really, really."
"You're guilty of looking at me like that."
"You'll get caught. It'd be nice if you were in jail too."
Crazy. Seriously, why are you doing this to me... I'm so confused because I got my face attacked a second time. And what are you talking about that drives people crazy?
Before I could even calm my racing heart, I had to move to the side.
"Huh... hello..."
"You're here? Can you see that all the members are busy looking at you right now?"
"to...?"
I looked around and saw all the members glancing at me. Seriously, how did they know...? We hadn't even exchanged a single word yet...
"Why did you come now? Everyone was really worried about you, Miss Yeoju. I wondered if something was wrong."
"Ah... I'll forget soonI thought it would be over.."
"How can I forget someone precious to me? We've only seen each other once or twice."
"...Take care. I'll be cheering you on from behind."
"How do I know if you're cheering or not?"
"hmm...?"
"Come visit me sometimes. I know it's selfish to say this, but I'll try to hold on to you like this."
"ah..."
I was more guilty than I thought. I was in love with these guys. I don't know how I can sway people's hearts so easily. Ah, maybe it's because they're so swaying.
"Goodbye. I'll be cheering you on in Hyeonsaeng."
Kim Namjoon smiles warmly, holding my hand. "Your dimples are still pretty. You're so pretty."
"....."
I wonder if he fell to the side. I couldn't open my mouth at the look on Park Jimin's face before I even said hello.
His expression seemed to be a mixture of incredibly complex emotions. After watching him hesitate, I decided to speak first.
"Hello. How have you been?"
Since you've already been caught, you greeted him confidently. But why do you look like you're going to cry at any moment, Jimin?
"Sister... Is there anything that hurts? Are you doing well?"
"Yeah, I'm doing fine. How about you?"
"I was sad because I couldn't see my older sister."
"Haha... I'm sorry."
Jimin, playing with my hand. You're still cute like a baby.
“I feel lonely without my older sister.”
"Other fans will fill that emptiness."
"You're just your sister, so how can someone else fill that void? Only you can fill that void."
I'm just embarrassed by Jimin, who leaves me speechless. It makes me feel good to realize that I'm more important to them than I thought. After all, we've been together for a long time, right?
"I'll be waiting. We'll always be here."
You, with your beautiful smile. Your words that you'd wait for just me brought tears to my eyes. I need this to end quickly before I can cry...
I held back my tears and moved. The first thing I saw was Hoseok, his mouth covered in sweat. I didn't know he'd be so blatant about it.
"Your clothes are still cute."
"...If you're cute, come see me often. Well... How have you been?"
"...Yes. I'm doing well."
"I haven't been doing well. I'm sure you know why."
Hoseok quietly signs autographs while looking embarrassed.
"Oh, you shouldn't do it in my name... I came instead."
"...Since it's Yeoju who came, I'll do it in Yeoju's name."
It's difficult. What's the point of doing it in my name... It's not even mine.
"Don't forget us. We weren't that close to each other, so it wasn't easy to forget."
"...I won't forget."
"I'll see you again soon, okay? It's a promise."
"....."
Can I promise something I can't promise?
"We made a promise."
"...is it so."
Can I keep this promise, Hoseok?
"You've become prettier."
"You're really good at lying."
"well."
This is it... Yoongi signed his name too. I figured he wouldn't do it again even if I asked him to, so I decided to just keep my mouth shut.
"Why are you here now?"
"I quit the fandom."
"...It's not like you left because you didn't like us, right?"
"No, that's because I'm living in this life."
"Okay then. Come see me when you have time. I'll miss you."
Oh my, even Min Yoongi saying things like that really shakes me up. How could I ever forget these kids who love each and every one of their fans like this...
My heart still beats so fast.
"Don't get sick. Take care of your health."
"If you come to see us, you'll be all better."
"...crazy."
I covered my mouth for a moment, but I knew it was too late. I really should sue Min Yoongi... Don't put a guilty man in front of me like this... Ah, what should I do...
"See you again, pretty girl~"
Calm down. Just hold on for one more. Hold on... Lee Yeo-ju...
"...Hello, Jungkook."
Where should I look? Maybe it's because I'm so in love with her, but I feel like I'm not in my right mind. If I see her face right now, I think I'm going to cry.
"....."
"Jungkook..."
I wonder if he raised his head because there was no answer.
"Why are you here now..."
My favorite was crying in front of me. And it was so sad.
"Hey, Jungkook?"
"How could you just leave without saying anything when you know how much I depend on you, sister..."
"I was so bad...! I'm sorry... Stop it, okay?"
Oh no. I was in trouble. I felt everyone's eyes on me as I cried like this. Everyone... No... I didn't do anything bad...
"I missed you. So much."
"...me too."
"You don't know how scary it would be if someone who always supported you disappeared overnight..."
"I'm sorry. I couldn't help it..."
"Sister, can't you debut?"
What is this...?
"Then I guess I'll be able to see you often..."
"This is nonsense..."
"I'm serious. If I leave like this today, I know I'll never see you again."
"....."
"I won't throw a tantrum because I don't want to cause any harm..."
"....."
Just looking at your eyes already makes me feel uneasy, Jungkook...
I knew Jungkook relied on me. We'd known each other for a long time, and we trusted and relied on each other. I always cherished and supported you. No matter what happened, I believed in you.
I'm so bad, aren't I? But it's too hard for me to stay with you. I feel like my life is about to disappear. I can't live like I used to...
I'm already 28, and I'm getting close to the age where I should be getting married, which is what my parents want me to do. So I need to go make other preparations.
"Take care. I'll always be cheering you on."
"....."
"Smile~ It's the last one, so don't show me your crying face."
"...last....."
"Haha, when you get married, will you come see me then?"
I tried to joke around, but my face just became even more stiff. This isn't right... Sigh;;
"Ugh... I have to go now. You really have to take care of yourself, right, Jungkook?"
"....."
I stroked your pretty hand and stood up. Then, after accepting the album he handed me, I moved on, trying hard to ignore the gazes I felt from behind.
I returned to my seat and was looking at the signature section with my name instead of my colleague's, feeling embarrassed, until I noticed something and stopped moving.
"What is this..."
What I saw in the album was none other than a phone number. I quickly raised my head at the number written along with the message, "Contact me."
He left his number and looked at me with a smile.
"You really..."
____
Who is the member who left his number?😏