A piece of writing I wrote out of boredom

winter

The winter wind has never felt so cold. It feels as if the world has abandoned me. When I was with you, every day felt like a butterfly dream, eagerly anticipating tomorrow. You're too precious to express in words, so I still can't even open my mouth. Unlike those happy days of the past, even dreams don't come to me now. Perhaps it's because you haven't come to me. I've wondered if I could reach you if I were snow. I've pondered the futile thought of becoming snow to reach you, melting into water to accompany you wherever you go. I longed to end my life, but the thought of you returning keeps me going as if I were dead. When I close my eyes, the spring, summer, fall, and winter I spent with you are so vivid. My memories sparkle like jewels, but now those jewels are slowly dissipating. I try to cherish them, reminiscing every day, but they slip through my hands like grains of sand, dissipating. The 30 years I've spent without you are like grains of sand. Looking back, it seems like a huge number, but looking back, it wasn't that big. The words you whispered to me, that beautiful smile you gave me when we got married, still linger before my eyes. Time truly feels cruel. You said you'd love us and stay with us until our hair turned gray, and yet you left first. I still regret that day you were going to war. I should have stopped you somehow, should have held you back with harsh words. Looking back, it's easy to say how much time has passed. I regret it, but no tears fall. I'm angry at you for leaving so suddenly, but I miss you. I should have seen your body. It's been a long time, but I still haven't completely resolved my feelings. My intuition, which you've always praised, tells me this. I think I don't have much time left to go to you. When I do, I'll take the hairpin you gave me. I have so much to say, but I'll have to stop here. It's snowing and cold here, just like that day. I hope it won't be as cold there.