Side Story (2) Persistent Nightmare
It has been a little over a year since I joined the National Forensic Service through open recruitment. On the surface, everything seemed peaceful. Although the work itself was not peaceful, the past year or two has nonetheless been the period in my life when I achieved the most. Even amidst the collapse of the research institute following that tumultuous incident, I managed to finish my Ph.D. by returning to work under a professor, and with the encouragement of many and Jungkook's full support, I successfully passed the open recruitment exam within just one year.
The year I spent working at the National Forensic Service was a sweet one, feeling as though all my previous hardships were finally being compensated. When I got home from work, I would have dinner with Jungkook and chat about trivial things... and go on outings together on weekends... It was incredibly peaceful compared to the year or so I spent studying from dawn until bed, battling nightmares and dealing with the time I was kidnapped by Kim Taehyung while working as a spy. But, yes... the problem was the nightmares.
Although there was warmth beside me to drive away my nightmares, for some reason, the nightmares themselves did not disappear. Whenever Jungkook saw me sweating profusely in the middle of the night, seemingly tormented by a nightmare, he would gently wake me up, soothe me, and then hold me tightly while we slept. Once he comforted me, I wouldn't have nightmares for a while, but on days when he wasn't there, I was terrified and afraid that I might have those dreams again. Then, when I actually had a nightmare on a day without him, I felt utterly alone in that moment, leaving me feeling incredibly lonely and sorrowful. So, at some point, I think I realized it. That I had to face these terrifying and dreadful emotions all by myself.
That was the conclusion. I have to face it alone. So... let's try living alone.
Jungkook would also pay a little more attention to me when he found out that I was having nightmares and struggling alone.
[Haeju, did you sleep well..?]
"Yeah... I'm about to get up now... haha"
I received a call from Jungkook, who was out on a business trip. Perhaps because he had suffered a nightmare once before, he never failed to call around the time I woke up in the morning. When I answered, the tension that had been building up inside me melted away. Outside the window, the dawn was breaking, signaling the end of the dark night. Even though I felt like I was burdening him, I couldn't help but feel so good whenever he called like this.
"How is today? Is there any progress?
[Well... I don't know if the information was wrong or if I figured it out in advance... I wasted my time. It was a bust last time too, so I don't think I'll be heading out to the field for a while. Haha. I guess I'll have to review the source of the information from scratch again...]
Jungkook laughed hollowly. An organization running illegal gambling matches had recently emerged, but the investigation didn't seem to be progressing well.
"So I have to start over from the beginning...?
[It usually takes years of effort to wipe out an organization... You were spying for over a year, too. We've been investigating for a long time, long before you even got involved... We've been doing it since the Chief was in the Violent Crimes Unit...]
"Come to think of it... you're right... hahaha
[Didn't you have a nightmare today?]
"I couldn't sleep well because I was worried I'd have a nightmare... But hearing your voice made me feel a bit better. So, are you coming in today...?
[Yeah, if the meeting goes well, I think I'll be heading home early in the afternoon... Haha. Let's have dinner together later... I'll do some grocery shopping on my way back.]
"Yeah, I get it~
I felt a little relieved to hear that Jungkook is coming in today. What do I have to do today...I need to finish this quickly and leave work right on time..!I felt a surge of energy to start the day.
. . .
There was no doubt that Jungkook was a wonderful man. He was responsible, comfortable to be around, and above all, someone who knew how to take care of me. But what am I supposed to do if he disappears...? How long can this relationship last...?
Jungkook always sang as if things would last forever, but I knew that every relationship has an end. Someday, Jungkook would leave my side, too. Just thinking about it made me so anxious I couldn't bear it. Still, I knew very well that he was sincere... What is the problem? Are these thoughts and this anxiety all my fault...?
I've been to a psychiatrist and tried counseling, but I couldn't figure it out. My life right now is peaceful and good, so why do I keep having nightmares...?
It made me so angry and miserable to keep feeling that sickening, sticky stare.
. . .
So I went to the prison for a visit. To meet Kim Tae-hyung..
I wanted to identify the entity that was sustaining my nightmares and terrifying me. That it was actually nothing significant... I felt like I would feel a little better if I confirmed that.
I didn't tell Jungkook. It was obvious he would try to stop me... Jungkook was well aware of my nightmares and sometimes even went with me to counseling. Since he had taken on the role of my guardian and knew my condition well, it was even more obvious that he would try to stop me.
When I actually arrived at the prison, I felt a bit intimidated by the bleak atmosphere, which was more desolate than I had expected. The visiting room wasn't particularly warm, either. Then again, perhaps it would be strange for a prison to be warm... Still, this is a place where family or close friends might share tearful visits, yet for that, it felt cold, stiff, and devoid of consideration. As I stepped through the door, I felt as though I were entering the mouth of a giant monster. I swallowed hard with nervousness.
When I entered the visiting room, Kim Taehyung was already there sitting down. He was not the elegant man with neatly combed hair and a fine suit I knew; instead, he was in a prisoner's uniform with disheveled hair and a spiky beard. Yet, despite this, his eyes seemed to burn with intensity, making him look chilling. As I sat down on the folding metal chair, the creaking sound echoed through the quiet room.
Once we actually sat face-to-face, I felt intimidated by his gaze and couldn't say a word. It wasn't a big deal once we faced each other... but to me, it was a big deal. After I remained silent for a while, Kim Taehyung spoke first.
"So... why did Haedan hyung's daughter come...? It can't be because she wanted to see me..."
Ha... our... How dare you call him our Haedan hyung... I was dumbfounded.
"...Stop calling him 'our Haedan-hyung.' You don't have the right to call him that."
As I shot back, Kim Tae-hyung let out a shallow sigh.
"Well... as I said in court, I just unleashed hungry beasts there. Qualifications? Haedan and I were actually super close friends..."
Kim Tae-hyung shrugged his shoulders and wore an expression of injustice. That look only made me angrier. This was one of the factors that prolonged the courtroom proceedings. Whether or not he had committed the murders himself... Kim Tae-hyung's lawyer deliberately pleaded his innocence, claiming that he had merely released hungry animals there by mistake.It must have been for a reduced sentence... Those wretched bastards...
"Damn it!! Anyway, it's annoying, so stop it..!"
When I let out a loud scream, Kim Taehyung shook his head as if he disagreed with me. For some reason, that made me even angrier.
Visitors, please be quiet.The prison guard behind me looked over at us, seemingly startled by the sound I shouted, and warned us.
"Whoa whoa... Yeah yeah... Well, I get it... I just won't do it... right? So, Haeju, why did you come looking for me...? You couldn't have come with memories of knowing me when you were little...
Kim Tae-hyung, who had gently coaxed and soothed me, suddenly had a sparkle in his eyes while speaking.
"Oh, really, really... So you came to check if I'm okay here...?
At Kim Tae-hyung's words, my gaze paused for a moment. Then, as if he had noticed my expression, Kim Tae-hyung suddenly brightened up.
"Haha, so you came to see me in this state?
Looking at this state, will our Haeju be able to go home and sleep soundly with her legs stretched out...?Ah, so I succeeded in avenging my parents... right? I've fulfilled a lifelong wish, haven't I? Is that how it is?
Why did he really need to verify it with his own eyes...? He must have clearly seen me leaving the courtroom after receiving my sentence...
Kim Taehyung stroked my chin as if I were interesting. My two hands, hidden out of sight under the desk, automatically tensed up and clenched into tight fists.
""Isn't that detective protecting you now? Are you really worried because of that? That you might not be here... Did you come all the way here to feel safe?"
Kim Tae-hyung observed my expression while casually spouting his distinctive hometown accent.Ah, fuck...I muttered a curse, but the truth was, I was anxious. I started to worry that the anxiety I felt deep inside would be discovered. Maybe coming here wasn't a good idea...
You can't escape from me.
You'll probably live resenting me for the rest of your life. I hope that happens.
Anyway, the rest of my life is just going to quietly fade away here, so if I can at least be remembered, I’ve achieved my goal... hahaha.
As Kim Tae-hyung spat out sarcastic remarks, the prison guard behind him warned him.
"Prisoner 951230, watch your words..!"
"Ah, stop it. I understand, don't you..?
Kim Taehyung picked at his ear and looked at me. At that look in his eyes, I suddenly felt nervous.
I'm going. I don't care what you think. Think whatever you want.
I stood up, pushing the metal chair aside with a scraping sound. As I stood up, Kim Taehyung raised his caterpillar-like eyebrows slightly, as if he were a little disappointed.
"Hehehe... Haeju, you'll be back here again. See you then... Goodbye for today, head home safely..."
Even as I was leaving, Kim Tae-hyung smiled with a nonchalant attitude until the very end.You unlucky bastard..I muttered a curse, looked at Kim Taehyung one more time, and walked out immediately.