Side Story (3) Overseas Training
When I went to the counseling room, I was scolded by the elderly counselor. He said I hadn't completely sorted out my feelings yet, and that I had been too hasty. My mind was already in turmoil after meeting Kim Taehyung. I confirmed that he was still there, but the gaze in my dream became even clearer.
The counselor told me that my dreams were inside me and had nothing to do with that person. In other words, I had to find the answer within my heart. I don't know. If I told Jungkook that I went to see Kim Taehyung, we would have a huge argument, and I felt bad because I was arguing with the counselor about the visit.
"But still, trying to face that fear...
Mr. Haeju, you have shown great courage."
"yes....?"
“In that sense, it can be seen as meaningful.
Although it seems like Haejoo is very scared...
The wrinkles around the counselor's eyes slowly folded and he smiled brightly.
"I don't want to see you again.
Maybe, if I go again, I'll fight with Jeongguk too...
And Kim Taehyung told me that he would come back again,
I don't want that to happen."
Tsk tsk tsk.. The counselor clicked his tongue as if he felt suffocated. What can I do? I was certain that I would never see Kim Taehyung again.
After leaving the counseling room like that, I felt like going somewhere where I wouldn't think of Kim Taehyung. Let's go somewhere. I'll forget you somehow. I'll drive you out of my memories... To do that, I thought, let's just get away for a little while. Even though my life has stabilized to a certain extent, the fact that the nightmares continue means that I might need some new stimulation.
. . .
Not long after meeting Kim Tae-hyung, there was an announcement for an overseas training program. The training period was quite long: one year. Since I hadn't completed a postdoctoral fellowship, overseas training was a necessity for me within the next few years. Fortunately, I had been working for over a year and was eligible. I was just beginning to adjust to the organization, so I was a little disappointed to have to go on training, but it was also a golden opportunity to get away from the company for a while.
Jungkook seemed to sense my desire to leave, suggesting we go on a trip or something, but things have been unusual for him lately. He's been busy, often working overtime or on business trips. On days when he's working overtime or on business trips, he lets me rest in the office, so I can come to work late the next day. But since I'm always at work in the mornings, it's been hard to see him.
Should I just leave...?I didn't really talk to Jungkook about this during the support period. I hadn't even told him that I had met Kim Taehyung, but the stories I couldn't tell him kept piling up.
But isn't this kid sacrificing himself for me...? Sometimes, even though he had to work overtime, seeing Jungkook come home made me feel a sense of guilt. That made me feel like I had to deal with my own anxieties even more. So, on the last day, I impulsively applied for the training. I knew I might not make it to the selection process...Let's leave it to fate.
. . .
Beep beep beep beep..
Late at night, there was a keypad click at the front door. I was packing my bags in my room. I had just received a notification that I had been accepted as a trainee for the training program I had applied for in the morning, and I was planning to pack a bit in advance. However, Jungkook, who was supposed to be working outside the office, came back earlier than expected. It was the first time I had seen him in a few days. I also had some analysis to do on the weekend, so I went to work, and Jungkook, who usually went out at night because of his undercover work, came home in the morning and slept. Because of this, I didn't have a chance to discuss or talk about the training program, and I was glad to see Jungkook after such a long time.
But Jeongguk was the complete opposite of me. Whenever he came in, he'd say, "Haeju, I'm here~~"It was Jungkook who shouted with all his might, but today the atmosphere was completely different. As he opened the front door and came in, his footsteps felt heavy beyond fatigue.
"Are you serious about this?"
Jeon Jungkook came into the room and asked me as he watched me pack my bags. Jungkook suddenly held out his phone to me as if telling me to look at it.
When I looked at my phone, I saw a picture of the list of trainees who had passed the training program I had applied for. I could see the last line of the list, which was in alphabetical order.[Black Sea]Anyway, you punk... Your information is so fast... I just received the official document today, and I wonder how Jeon Jungkook saw it too. Come to think of it, you said you were coming to the National Forensic Service today to get the results of the analysis of the evidence samples from the scene, and I think I saw it through an acquaintance when I got there.
""I saw it.."
"Look at me, Ba. Haeju.. Let's talk.."
Jungkook stopped me from packing my bags when I didn't answer clearly.
"Yes, that's right. I applied for overseas training.
A year. I thought it would pass by quickly.."
I answered while turning away from Jeongguk's face.
Jungkook must have been incredibly angry. I couldn't bring myself to look at his face. Honestly, no matter how busy he was, he could have just called ahead... How did he feel about me not bothering to discuss it? Did he feel betrayed?
But every time I tried to force the conversation, I felt like it was a burden I had to carry alone, and I didn't want to. Bringing this child into my life... wouldn't that be a bad relationship for him...?
After I finally decided to leave without relying on Jungkook, I didn't even have nightmares. Seeing things like that made me wonder if I could possibly get along. If I lived a good year, I'd be able to stand before this child with a more complete heart. I felt like I had to somehow rid myself of the anxiety deep inside me to get along with this child.
"So why are you going there now...
Who told you to go from above? "
Jeongguk grabbed me and asked in a strong tone. His grip on me tightened.
"No, that's not it.. but for some reason I felt like I had to go this time.."
I kept trying to pack my bags, ignoring Jungkook, but he wouldn't let me go.
"Please,How could you make such a sudden decision without even discussing it? If you had at least talked to me, I would have..."
"What are you going to do..?"
I interrupted Jeongguk as he spoke. Even now, he was so concerned about me that I didn't want to expect anything more from him, who had returned early.
"I just thought it over carefully and decided on my own.
"It was a bit impulsive, but I wanted to leave."
I could hear Jeongguk taking a deep breath as if to calm his burning insides.Rustle...I heard Jungkook getting closer, but I couldn't bear to look at his face. I felt like crying. I didn't want to look.
"Ha... I wasn't there during that careful consideration process...?"
Jungkook eventually grabbed me, who hadn't even glanced at me, and forced me to look at him.
Ah... Jungkook...
Jungkook's face was filled with confusion. "I'd rather be even more angry... What are these wounded, dark eyes?" "I already felt bad, but this makes me feel even worse."
Bam..!
As tears fell from my eyes, Jeongguk gently wiped them away with his thumb.
"You really.... why do you keep thinking your own way?
You promised to stick together.
I don't mind going far away from you.
If you want to leave, just ask me to go with you.
I'm capable of that much. Why are you leaving alone?
You said we'd be together forever.
Didn't you want to be with me too...?"
Jungkook came over and hugged me quietly.
"I want to be with you.
But, nothing in this world lasts forever.
"Jungkook, you talk about forever too easily"
I said, pushing Jeongguk away slightly. He hugged me again.
"Haejoo, I've never spoken easily.
Although nothing may truly last forever,
We can make it if we work hard.
If you need it,
"If we work hard and find a way together, we can do it."
It is made with effort...Hearing Jungkook's voice, tears welled up in my eyes. I felt sorry for Jungkook. But it felt too late to regret it. My heart was in turmoil.
side..!
Jungkook's lips were on mine for a moment and then they left.
“Aren’t you going to tell me what’s been happening to me?
I don't think it's something you suddenly decided on your own..."
Jungkook asked affectionately.
"...I met Kim Taehyung last month.
I wanted to run away...
Sorry...
I don't think I have the confidence to face it."
“You met Kim Taehyung... What is that story...?
Something happened while I was busy...
I'm sorry I couldn't pay attention"
I barely shook my head while crying. Jungkook, who was holding me, pushed me away.
"No, why are you sorry..?
This is a problem I have to overcome.
"There's nothing you can do about it...!"
Before I knew it, I let out a scream that was close to a scream. Tears flowed endlessly from my eyes. I was the one who hurt you, so why was I crying...? Do I even have the right to shed tears...? After crying for a long time, I finally managed to catch my breath.
"I'm sorry...
But I feel like this is something I have to handle alone.
I can't just rely on you forever"
"You said it was okay when, that it was okay to wait now... "
Jeongguk's resentful tone ached my heart. Remembering the conversation we once had, I felt like crying again. I gritted my teeth and held back the tears. If I kept crying, it would feel like I was clinging to him.
"Just give me some time alone...
I think I need some time to get over it on my own."
"...If that's what you mean... I can't help it.."
As he spoke, the strength in Jeongguk's eyes seemed to drain. A dark shadow fell over his once-gleaming eyes. Jeongguk left me and left the room. His shoulders slumped as he closed the door and left. I felt like that image would linger in my mind for a long time.
After that, he coldly sealed away his confusion and the wounds he had received from me.Yeah, I was so clumsy... I can't help it... You're the first person to get this deep...But I needed some time alone. I wanted to somehow resolve the fears in my heart... and be by your side more fully. I hope you'll understand someday...
. . .
Jungkook no longer slept in the same room. Whether he was truly disappointed or just couldn't get over his anger, he had become cold and slept alone in the living room. Sometimes, when I tossed and turned in my sleep, I could tell by the feeling of his warm, large hand on my forehead that he was checking if I was having a nightmare. I didn't even bother asking Jungkook to sleep with me. I hated these nightmares so much. I wanted to overcome them on my own, no matter what.
After a day or two, the day to leave arrived.