6. Day n of the end of the relationship, our heroine -
*
One day, I heard my friend talking about drinking.
It was a day when I had a hard time stopping my ex-boyfriend from calling me because he was really drunk.
To some, it might have seemed like she was still unable to forget her ex-boyfriend and was venting to her friends. Of course, that was true.
However, those words have become words that the female protagonist has been chewing over dozens of times.
'Hey..Should I throw away all my pride and call you?! Should I just say that I can't forget you??!!'
'What the hell are you talking about, hey..hey!! Put your phone down if you're going to regret it tomorrow while pulling your hair out again'
'...I hate it!!!'
'The world is half men!! Why is it so hard when there are so many better men than him?
'You don't know... You don't know, that's why you say that...'
'What do I not know?'
'I know there are plenty of other guys out there besides him! But... I don't think I'll ever be able to love another guy as much as I loved him. It was too good to keep as just a memory.'
'.........'
'To me, that kid was the most...the brightest...the eyes that only looked at me and loved me, and it's hard to keep all of that as a memory...I wish that kid was by my side even when I'm reminiscing about this time and that time...'
At the time, I couldn't empathize at all, just listening. The person who would love me so much in my life, the person who shines brightest to me, the person who would hold a place in my memories... I never even considered such love, thinking it was all futile.
But now I finally realize that the person who shines the brightest to me, the person I want to stay by my side for the rest of my life, the person who will completely change my dark world... that person is Jeon Jungkook.
Ahh... I can't be anything but Jeon Jungkook anymore.
As I realized all this, something seemed to well up from deep within me. It pounded my heart hard, burning it with heat.
I quickly covered my mouth with my hand and tried to hold back the tears that were turning red in my eyes, but in the end I collapsed and burst into tears without being able to make a single sound.
"Jungkook, what should I do? I guess I can't do anything without you anymore. Every moment without you, everything feels like it's going to hurt."
I think I really love you
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The female protagonist, who had finished preparing to leave the house while making as few noises as possible so as not to wake Jeong-guk, called someone on the way down to the parking lot.
"....that hospital you told me to go to -"
- Hospital? What the... Oh, heroine... Did you change your mind..?
"It's just... I know very well that I'm really not okay like this... It's hard, uh... so... sigh... phew..."
"...It's okay, heroine. Everything's fine. I thought it through. I'll make the reservation, so just relax and come. The teacher is still waiting for you. He told me to come whenever I change my mind."
"Yeah...thank you"
I got into the car, calmed my trembling hands, placed both arms on the steering wheel and rested my head on it.
I never once felt like going to the hospital. The first hospital I was introduced to suggested I get a consultation, but I refused, insisting I was fine... I really was fine.
Even though it wasn't really okay... I was stubbornly holding on even though it wasn't okay and I thought it would collapse at any moment.
And in doing so, he hurt me and the people I loved.
In fact, it would be a lie to say that I wasn't overwhelmed with worry and fear.
At that time, I didn't want anyone to see my rotten and festering insides, to take out my weak and delicate insides... And I knew that if I went to the hospital and nothing changed and only scars remained, it would be a real cliff, so I just chose to give up.
I'll live my whole life with this festering inside, this wound... It only takes a moment for hope to become a torture, so I'll give up...
But... I knew I had no choice but to change.
In order to love and not hurt Jeon Jungkook who makes me not love him, I want to be loved too
"Hello, Miss Yeoju."
"Ah.. yes, hello"
I can't forget Seokjin, who cried and spoke to me with a wounded face, as if pouring out his heart. That was the reason he deliberately cut everything off. He hated being hurt because of me so much.
I don't want to hurt Jungkook like that, so I don't want him to talk to me like that with that expression on his face, so I want to hold onto Jungkook proudly.
Since Jeongguk was the one who waited for me and came to me, now it was my turn to go and confess my love.
*
Jeongguk slowly got up, frowning at the sunlight streaming into his eyes.
I think I had a dream about Yeoju... or not...
"Ahhh...ha..."
It wasn't until I stretched and got up from my seat that I finally realized what was happening. Yesterday, I'd clearly slept curled up at the end, but when I woke up, I was stretched out on the floor, covered with a blanket.
Oh, it's Yeoju.
Jeongguk, who had already gone to work and was not in the living room or bathroom, washed his face dry with a bitter feeling and leaned back in the chair.
During our breakup... I slept next to my ex-girlfriend without her knowing, and that was the moment where I looked so pathetic. Ah, Jeon Jungkook, you're so pathetic...
I never thought my actions last night would feel so shabby... I only realized it the next morning when I came to my senses.
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Jeongguk got out of the car and started walking timidly, keeping an eye on the manager who had been waiting in front since he entered the parking lot.
"Are you kidding me?"
"...I left a message yesterday..."
"If you leave just that one thing behind, I'll be worried, okay?"
"Oh, I don't know, that's why I slept well and came here."
"Ugh... This is the only schedule for today. I've already organized it and will talk to the CEO. As expected, there are a lot of scripts coming in this time too~"
"Well, I guess I don't have any plans today."
"Please look at me, I'm having a hard time too, Jungkook."
"Hyung, please forgive me. I didn't do anything wrong, okay? Let's just get this over with."
".....I'm getting old because of you"
Jungkook ran to the elevator, leaving his manager, who was complaining, behind. He didn't know when the nagging would come again...
As soon as I got on the elevator, a thought suddenly occurred to me and I checked my phone.
As expected, there were no calls or texts from the female protagonist. Jungkook seemed anxious and anxious.
I just had that thought.
Even though I was the only one who was sad and frustrated and broke up with her, I felt a little depressed because I felt like I was the only one who wanted to see her even right now.
I really didn't know that I would be so foolish and have a crush on someone for so long.
I feel hopeless. It seems like nothing is going my way, but what's worse is that I can't do anything I want for the heroine or stay by her side.
So I really feel like I have nothing left... It feels like the heroine took everything from me...
Oh, no... I really wish you had taken everything from me. I wonder if I'm crazy because I think even that would be good.
"What do you want to try this time?"
"...I'm thinking of doing a heartbreaking unrequited love story."
"A heartbreaking unrequited love story? Ugh... I think there was one like that, but it was by writer Kim Nam-joon."
"Oh, of course it'd be fun if it was writer Kim Namjoon."
"Still, I don't see that kind of unrequited love story very often these days... I don't know why the author suddenly chose to write about that topic,"
“Of course it would be fun if it was him, and I just need to figure out how to bring it to life through acting, right?”
"..It's good to see you so confident, but to that extent, I'm starting to suspect you're sick, Jungkook."
It seems like things don't always go as planned. Now I can do melodramatic acting... and more than anything, I've become more confident in acting in melodramatic roles.
I really want to say one thing about this movie, which was made with just one choice from the female protagonist, as it received so much attention and awards from all over the world.
Every single line and movement I said was sincere and was meant for the female lead... In fact, I wish you wouldn't realize it all along, but on the other hand, I hope you would understand.
[No matter what happens tomorrow, we're together now.]
[........]
[Jiwon...just say you love me. I love you right now, so don't be afraid.]
[.......]
[Just looking at you was so overwhelming that I couldn't even dare to think about having you. I couldn't help but love you.]
Ah... I guess it might be better not to know. I'm afraid my feelings will be a burden to the female protagonist.
So I just quietly hope.
Even if my heart keeps spilling out without me knowing, and I want to keep pouring it out to the heroine, I hope it won't reach her... Even if it's not love, it's okay if I stay by her side and just quietly watch her...
No, actually, I wanted to at least dip my toes into the world of children.
Since when did I start loving you so much that I became so desperate?
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As I entered the conference room, all I saw were piles of scripts on the table.
Among them was a script by Kim Nam-joon, a writer I've always admired and respected. Although he was one of the main characters, his screen time and character seemed no different from that of a typical lead actor.
But it was clear the author had put a lot of effort into this character. With each page I turned, I felt a growing desire to play this role.
"But Jungkook... if you're going to choose just by looking at the fact that it's writer Kim Namjoon, the role you'll be playing is practically a supporting role."
"I think I can really do it. I want to do it, and the content doesn't seem too obvious."
"There are so many famous writers and directors who want to cast you as the main character, so why this one? Is it really only because it's written by Kim Nam-joon?"
"No. When did I ever choose something like that?"
"Then what is the reason?"
"....I just...I wonder if I'll forget a little bit if I get buried in this character, if it'll get better...or if I'll miss it more...I'm curious, and I'm really confident that I can do well..ㅎ"
This character, which the author seems to have put a lot of effort into, seemed very similar to me, and if I were to say exactly why I wanted to do it, it's because I was curious.
If I try this acting, I think I'll be able to feel the reason, the heart, and the method he uses to avoid telling the female protagonist his feelings...
I'm dying from the injustice of this relationship between me and the female protagonist, but I want to learn how he can endure it and how he can make the female protagonist feel comfortable.
I was worried that I would be a burden to the female lead because I couldn't hold back my emotions like an idiot, and I thought that this role was absolutely necessary for me because I couldn't hold back the one thing that made me want to hug her the moment I saw her.
"Is this really true?"
"Yes, I don't regret it. I'll decide on this script."
"Okay... I'll contact you right away."
I thought the fire of my emotions had long since gone out, as if someone had poured cold water on it.
I felt like I was falling into that abyss, becoming more and more lonely, but even so... I didn't cool down.
Why did it have to be the female protagonist who woke him up? Why did it have to be that lovely child? How could he not cool down again?
In that case, I'll have to pour in some cold water to cool it down. It's okay if it's a little lukewarm, so that the strong wind doesn't blow it any further.
I hope my feelings go unnoticed.
I just hope it's less hot than it is now, and if the heroine is also cooling off, I hope it's at least like this, even if it's less than her.
*
It's already been a month since I started seeing the counselor I was supposed to see twice a week.
We had conversations that were neither too much nor too little, and sometimes it felt like we were consulting each other about our worries, but at other times we just shared our thoughts on a topic.
I felt like I had a comfortable time without any burden or inconvenience, and I also learned a lot.
And this time, I was given a homework assignment(?).
"Homework all of a sudden? It's a bit embarrassing, isn't it? This time, let's find our heroine's strengths."
"......."
"If you're having trouble finding the answer, you can get help from people around you, including your friends, family, or even your significant other or ex-lover."
"This much?"
“If you actually look for it, it will feel like less, right?”
"Yes...I'll try."
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I wonder when I'll find everything in three days... I'm already starting to feel a bit lost.
As the teacher said, I really needed to call all my exes together. Even though they were my acquaintances, there weren't that many...
"What are you worrying about? I'll tell you everything again."
"No, that's not right. I told you to get help, not tell me everything."
"Hmm, then... Oh, you're good at giving advice. You listen to others' stories."
"I see... I just listen without thinking much about it."
"Still, there are times when it can be a comfort to someone. I'm one of them. Just listening is good."
I sought out my few friends first. I've never really valued human relationships, and I've only been kind to those I consider my own.
But after meeting and hearing this, I started to wonder if I was really that good of a person to others.
"What, you don't believe us?"
"No.. I never thought about it at all.."
"Trust me. You're that kind of person to us."
"........"
"Why are you staring? LOL"
"No!"
"No way~, so cuteㅋㅋㅋKim Yeo-ju is really cute. Hey, on top of that, it says that it's a cuteness shot limited to friends, so that's an advantage, right, guysㅋㅋㅋ"
As I was looking through the list of useless stories, I found that half of it was already filled.
I feel a bit strange when I see friends who tell me everything and think about it together as if they know me better than I do.
"Hmm... It looks like we need more reinforcements. This girl is writing down her strengths right now, but we've said them all, and she only wrote down two... Ugh, this girl."
"what....."
"Then there's nothing I can do. Like that teacher said, I should find my ex-boyfriend."
"...I know what you're thinking right now, but wake up."
"You're talking like a dream. I'm going to make it a reality. Hey, call Kim Seokjin quickly."
"Hey!! What are you guys doing!"
"I only trust these girls"
I had no time to stop my friend from making a phone call, and my arms were held by another friend. I couldn't do anything but look anxiously at my friend who was making the call.
And at that moment, the phone stopped ringing and a familiar voice was heard.
- Why are you calling me all the time?
"Long time no see, Kim Seok-ji~"
- All the kids are here lol I can smell alcohol from here too"
"Okay, tell me what you like about Yeoju."
- suddenly?
"ok"
"No! What are you doing!"
- ...Is there a female protagonist too?
"Hey, hey, catch Kim Yeo-ju. Kim Seok-jin, speak quickly."
Even though Seokjin wasn't right in front of me, I felt so nervous that my whole body felt stiff just from hearing his voice.
Even so, it was Kim Seokjin... That kid was hurt by me and cried when we broke up.
He was such a wonderful and generous person to me, and now he's suddenly asking me to tell him about my strengths... Do you think he wants to think about my strengths?
He put me on speakerphone, put me on the table, and let me go, but now he's suddenly apologizing and hanging up, which is ridiculous.
I glared at the guy who did this, but he just shrugged and told me to listen.
- The female lead is so kind. She's good at comforting others. Just looking at her makes me happy, lol
"......"
- He may seem like he's rough and tough, but he's actually a very gentle and affectionate person.
"Be specific, please."
- Seriously, are you guys the heroines? Why are you guys causing trouble?
"Ah, hurry up"
- There was a time when I was having a hard time and I was drunk, crying and making a fuss, and the female lead said that she wasn't good at comforting me and that she didn't know how I could help her. LOL At that time, even that was strangely comforting. I was grateful that she said she wanted to comfort me.
"......."
- And that's what she said to me after worrying so much. 'Seokjin, can I hug you?' That was the exact word. I think I cried more at those words lol. The female lead hugged me and patted me... or something like that.
"Oh. You must have cried a lot."
- Are you kidding me? But why are you telling me to talk?
"I was just looking for our heroine's strengths."
- Oh my, I think you guys alone would have come out in huge numbers.
"Don't be ridiculous. Kim Yeo-ju used two, but we got a lot of compliments lol. Anyway, thank you."
- Hey, change the female lead -
Despite Seokjin's voice sounding urgent, my friend hung up the phone without mercy and looked at me and said.
"Kim Seokjin's thoughts are like this. What are you doing? I have to write it down quickly."
"..ah...."
Really... I thought all that time would be nothing but regrets for Seokjin. I thought that Seokjin wanted to erase me, that I didn't know if I was worthy of being loved.
But... I guess that was a really stupid idea. I didn't know I would hear something like that from Seokjin.
My heart was pounding and my head was pounding. It was strange how my ears felt like they were constantly being clogged with tears.
"Oh my, is the heroine crying?"
"No...that's..."
"....Anyway, you're so young and always like this? Ugh."
"Whew, ah, I feel, ah... strange"
"It's okay, it's okay. It's okay to cry."
Strangely, tears kept falling.
Day n of my relationship ending. What are my strengths? After much thought, I came up with only two. But why are they so tightly packed?
What are my strengths, really?
*
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I'm late so I'll shoot you 😅