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I sometimes have strange thoughts. I've never really considered their source, and I still don't know where they originate or where they came from. What I started thinking was, if I were to pick out a single person walking down the street and strangle them, how would they react? I wondered how I would feel seeing them, but I'm not entirely sure what that would be like. Wondering what the point of dwelling on such thoughts would be, I headed to a nearby club. The club was bustling with people, and a man came up behind me and thrust something that felt sharp to anyone, like a weapon, into my back. At that moment, a thought struck me. A strange thought struck me: meeting this person might not be such a bad idea. So I turned around, looked at him, and smiled. He must have been taken aback, because no one had ever done this to him before. He had a look on his face that said, "I'm embarrassed." Seol-i looked at him and said,
"Hi, my name is Lee Seol. I'm not that scared of you, but would you like to get a room with me and talk?"
"Huh? I'm holding a weapon, but you're saying I'm not scary?"
"Okay, let's get a room first."
At my words, the man looked at me and nodded. He told me to wait while he reserved a room, and soon he announced that he had. He must have been rich, or perhaps the son of a wealthy family, because the room he had reserved was a VVIP room, a room that even the wealthiest people would struggle to secure. I entered the room and looked around. I could tell just by looking at it that it was expensive, so I exclaimed in admiration. When he sat down, I sat down too and immediately asked him a direct question.
"I see you're quite rich, seeing as you can easily get a room like this. Why do you do things like point weapons at women?"
Then the person asked me a question back.
"Then, you ask that question without even hearing my full name when you're meeting me for the first time?"
In response to that, I offered a few heartfelt apologies.
"I'm sorry about that. Then, shall we make our names? I think you know my name because I told you earlier. I'm 27 years old. What is your age and name?"
Then the person seemed to frown slightly, then relaxed his expression as if he was controlling his expression and answered my question.
"I'm not that person, my name is Kwon Soon-young. I'm also 27. Calling me that person sounds a bit unpleasant to me. We're the same age, so just call me Soon-young. I also call myself Seol."
"Oh, I'm sorry if it offended you. Like, no, like, Sunyoung."
At my words, Sunyoung smiled slightly and spoke to me.
"I like it too. Was my name always this nice to hear?"
I responded to those words with a laugh and a smile.
"I'm glad to hear that. I have a question. Can I ask you something?"
At my words, Sunyoung nodded and spoke to me.
"Yeah, I'll answer any question you ask me that I can answer."
"Thanks. Then let me get straight to the point. What do you do for a living? "
Sunyoung laughed at my words and asked back.
"What kind of job are you talking about? Our Seol-i? A job that involves pointing weapons at people? Or something else? The former? The latter?"
I was slightly surprised by those words, stared at Sunyoung for a moment, and then asked back.
"So you're saying he killed someone?"
"Is that so? Haha. Anyway, can I ask what I've been wondering about?"
I nodded to Sunyoung's words and answered.
"Yeah, that's obvious haha. I was curious about something too."
Sunyoung smiled as if she liked what I said and asked me a question.
"Why aren't you surprised when I point a weapon at you?"
I thought about that for a moment and then answered.
"I don't know! At the time, it didn't feel that bad."
"A peculiar girl"
When I saw Sunyoung, I felt that perhaps this child could be the key to understanding my worries and what emotions are.
"I have a problem. Can you help me solve it?"
"ㅋㅋㅋ Hey, how do I solve your problems? ㅋㅋㅋ"
"Just listen in"
"Hmm... Okay, tell me."
Soonyoung immediately changed her posture and looked at me.
"I don't know where these feelings and emotions started or when they started, but when I just look at people, I feel like if I went in among them and picked one person and strangled them, what would the people who saw that do? Or if I strangled them, it would feel good to strangle them. I don't know what kind of feelings I have."
At my words, Sunyoung smiled brightly and said.
"You're not much different from me at first."
"What does that mean?"
"Do you sometimes feel like killing people?"
" huh... "
"Then that's right! This is the answer to that worry."
" huh? "
"People often call it a murderous impulse."
"I have a murderous urge?"
"Yeah, if you have the urge to kill, if you have the thought of wanting to kill someone, that's the answer. What other answer could there be? Right?"
I felt like Sunyoung was right, so I didn't have anything to say in response, so I just kept my mouth shut. Soon, Sunyoung's mouth fell open and she blurted out something that surprised me, even as I welcomed it.
"I don't think you're all that bad, so would you like to be my business partner and my girlfriend?"
" girl friend? "
"Yeah, girlfriend, I think it wouldn't be bad to have a girlfriend like this. She'd probably be helpful for my work too, so let's be partners too."
I answered that question without a moment's hesitation.
"Okay, my boyfriend and business partner, Sunyoung."
"Okay, that's the reaction I was hoping for. Let's do better from now on, girlfriend Seol-ah."
"Then, shall we go and resolve those feelings first?"
I nodded and smiled at Sunyoung. It felt like things were going the way I wanted, and I liked it. I followed Sunyoung to try to resolve my feelings. Sunyoung looked at me and said,
"Shall we do it here, girlfriend?"
" good "
I began to strangle him with my hands, gradually suffocating him until he died. And in that moment, I felt pleasure.
"Wow, I can feel the pleasure so much"
At those words, Sunyoung smiled and said to me.
"You're the same type as me, lol"
"I think so"
"Are you feeling better? Our Seol's girlfriend?"
I shook my head and looked at Sunyoung and said
"No, I want to do more"
"Okay, let's do it haha"
Sunyoung smiled at my words and took me to another place.
"Should I just deal with that guy?"
"Yeah haha"
After seeing Sunyoung's smile, I strangled that woman to death without mercy.
Sunyoung smiled at my actions.
I laughed at that Sunyoung, and we smiled at each other like that.
And on that day, the news reported that a woman in her mid-20s had been strangled to death.
I thought as I held Sunyoung's hand and walked.
I would define the emotion in my heart as a white impulse.