Past Water
ยฉ 2023 BTS My Love All right reserved.
"You are still middle school students and may not know the pain of love, but let's each write a poem about the pain of love that we each think of."
"Then did you have a painful love, teacher?"
"It was there."
My life, which had just passed the season of blooming spring and entered early summer, how could there have been no heartbreaking love among its countless pages? The pictures, vividly drawn with ink that could not be erased no matter how much I wanted to, remained intact, without a single flaw.
Those moments unfolded before my eyes as clearly as if they had happened yesterday.
After leaving behind the thousand days we had walked together, Soo-kyung and I, who had promised to spend our lives together and exchanged tokens of love, were spending each day happily, just hoping that the baby who had come after a long wait would be born healthy.
"Honey, what name do you want to give SsukSsuk?"
It was a name we gave her in the hopes that she would grow up healthy and strong. That day, when we learned that Sooksook was a girl, we carefully considered giving her a name filled with positive meaning.
"I've been thinking about something. What do you think, Boye? It means grow up to be fulfilling and pretty."
"Boye... Kim Boye. The meaning is pretty and seems good."
He spoke while carefully stroking Soo-kyung's protruding belly.
"Ssukssuk, your name is Boye. Do you like it?"
"Oh, uh... honey, I guess you like Ssuk-Ssuk. You're kicking it."
That day, I made a firm resolution in my heart. I would become a good father who would not be ashamed of Boye.
I was worried about Soo-kyung, who was experiencing psychological anxiety in the period leading up to her delivery, so I prepared to go to the beach, which she liked, before being admitted to the hospital.
Because she was a child who had come after a long wait, I was so careful that I could not understand Soo-kyung's feelings, and that has remained as a regret for the rest of my life.
I felt guilty seeing Soo-kyung so genuinely happy at the mere mention of going to the sea. More than anything, Soo-kyung was the most precious thing to me, so how negligent must I have been to be so happy as if I had received a gift at the mere mention of going to see the sea?
"Boy, shall we go to the beach today? Mommy really loves the ocean. Looking at the endless expanse of the ocean makes my heart feel open, and listening to the gentle sound of the waves makes me feel at ease."
"............"
"Honey, let's go to the beach together often, holding Boye in our arms. Just thinking about the three of us going together makes me excited."
"Yes, honey. Let's definitely go often."
I was about to leave the house, thinking it would be better to first load the luggage I was going to take to the beach into the car and then take Soo-kyung out, but my steps were stopped when my arm was grabbed.
"Honey, go and come back quickly."
"Okay. I'll put this down and come back right away. Just wait a minute, my lady."
Where did such a lovely person come from to me,
I was captivated by her gaze, which seemed to embrace the sea, and I gave her a light yet heavy kiss. Little did I know that it would be our last.
I got off the elevator, thinking of Soo-kyung, who would be waiting just for me. I followed the sound of a child crying that filled the hallway, and it was the stairs. Next to the child, who was crying incessantly, was Soo-kyung, who shouldn't be there.
With each step down the stairs, my heart sank. Dark clouds gathered over my face, once filled with a happy smile. With hands trembling like an aspen leaf, I carefully cradled Soo-kyung, who lay on the cold floor. As I held her, my hands were stained crimson with blood. I held onto my senses and called 119 with bloody hands.
"S, Soo-kyung..., ah..."
"....J,honey..,ya...ugh..our,li..b,look..,yeah..."
She gave me a look that said she was fine, but that I should definitely protect Boye. Although she was feeling extreme pain, she was worried about our unborn child, Boye, before herself.
In that desperate moment of being rushed to the emergency room, Soo-kyung left behind what became her last will and testament.
"S,Seok..,Jin..Oh,ppa... My, yi..dae...na,ppeun..g,gi..memories...ugh...h,haa...forget, it all..."
"Soo, Kyung-ah..."
"I can't forget... I'll... do it... Ugh... I forgot... I said... h, so... I'm sorry... sob..."
Hyperthymesia syndrome, a condition where one remembers every detail of something they've seen or experienced, without ever forgetting it. I could say this because I knew I had this syndrome before I was born.
I couldn't say anything in response to Soo-kyung's words.
"S, I.. love.. you..." ((Truff
As my hands, which had been tightly held, fell away from hers, the emergency room's red light came on. After that, I begged and pleaded to every god in the world. I would pay any price, please save the two people inside, and please don't take everything I had. But my fervent wish seemed to be overpowered by greed.
....
"Then what was your biggest regret while loving like that?"
As the student asked the question, the events unfolding before his eyes dissipated like smoke.
"I regret not telling you I love you more."
If I had known you would leave me so soon, I would have told you I loved you at least once more.
I regret not being able to tell you that I love you so much, even at the moment when I was out of breath.
"Okay, let's stop talking now. Let's each work hard and write."
.........
Click, I carefully opened the door and went in, covering the child who had fallen into dreamland without knowing what was going on.
"Good night, my daughter."
If on the day I sent Soo-kyung away, you had taken Boye away from me, I wouldn't have been able to live alone on this earth with this heart that aches so much that it feels like it'll die if I touch it even a little.
What stopped me in my tracks as I was about to leave was an open diary on the desk.
".........." ((sob
Soo-kyung, our Boye has grown up so well, so kind and pretty. The more she grows, the more she seems to resemble you. Please always watch over our Boye from there.
As soon as I entered the room, I sat down at the desk and started writing poetry on a white piece of paper.
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Let me tell you why I named it Past Water. Based on the book and the content in Frozen 2 about water remembering the past, Past Water was created with the meaning that it remembers all of the past that has passed.