𝚂𝚑�𝚗𝚐r𝚒-𝙻a
·We would like to inform you that this painting was written by Calliope Kumi.
·Press and hold a song to play continuously.
Copyright ⓒ 2022 거래 All Rights Reserved.
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A cold air enveloped the space. This was her funeral. A place to bid farewell to the grandmother, who had cared for me for years like a parent, the one who had been my shadow. No one came to this place. Like her, she had only herself and Lee as her family. Neither of them had any friends, so he was the only one who would come. If anyone else came, they were just locals. They weren't close, but they were there out of courtesy. No one wept, because they weren't particularly close. Unlike them, Seokjin, though he had been close to her, didn't weep. Instead, his heart grew even more bitter. Why? Because she had asked him yesterday. Her death was now a given, but he told her not to cry or mourn. He was simply defying fate.
"......."
"I believe this death is right for me, and it is the perfect timing for me. The love I have given you is now yours to bestow upon others. So, forget about this old man."
"...Grandma... Don't you feel that this death is unfair?"
"I just lived as I lived. What could be more unfair than this?"
"......."
"I love you."
"... me too."
After all the funerals were over, I carried her ash, now pulverized, and headed out to the night sea. To the sea my grandmother loved. The waves gently rippled.
Then, carefully opening the lid, I scattered my grandmother's last remains into the sea, as far as I could. With each scattering, memories of every moment I'd spent with her flashed before my eyes. At the same time, tears streamed down my cheeks and chin, dripping to the floor. I hated my grandmother for leaving me behind in this world. This world is still too scary for me.
"...Why...Why...Did Grandma leave me alone...?"
Even though we promised not to cry.
"Why did Grandma..."
I ended up crying.
"Did you leave me alone?"
Today, unlike any other day, I want to cry in my grandmother's arms. I want to cry out loud, like a child wailing in a tantrum.
I hate my grandmother so much for leaving me behind.
Every day after sending my grandmother away was agonizing. I promised to send her off kindly, but the day she left was etched in my memory as an excruciatingly painful memory. Why? Was it simply because I was so sad that I remembered it?
"....."
And so began my social life without my grandmother. I had my first part-time job interview, tried on a suit I'd never worn before, and tried many other things. Now, I had to live solely on my own.
"My name is Kim Seok-jin and I'm 23 years old this year. If you choose me, I'll work hard at anything."
The passing or failing of the exam that comes flying in like that is always,
'I'm sorry. You failed.' It was obvious.
As this kind of outcome kept repeating itself, I began to tire. The same predictable outcome. At the same time, the season was winter, now heading toward spring. And I've been stuck in place for the entire season. How can I forget old memories and start anew? Perhaps I'm stuck in place because I can't shake them. Now, I want to forget the memories and start over. I wish someone, anyone, would show up in this life and rescue me. I wish they'd just take me out of this memory.
A month had already passed. So much had happened in that time. Someone recommended counseling, and things had definitely changed. The counselor's name was Ibada. Bada. When I first heard her name, I just frowned. My grandmother came to mind again.
"Seokjin, I think you're suffering from major depression. Major depression is a type of depression where severe depressive symptoms persist for more than two weeks, most of the time. Like Seokjin, it's the kind of depression that's affecting your daily life, like your work. Well, Seokjin, it's been over a month now."
".... Oh, yes."
"Let's overcome this together. I'll be there to help you."
Her words resonated deeply within me. It was a warmth I'd felt many times before. Where had I felt this before?
"......."
Ah, I remembered. It was the first feeling he had ever felt toward his grandmother. So, without even realizing it, Seokjin felt it.
"Mr. Sea."
"yes?"
"Why does it look like my grandmother?"
"It's so sad, it's so similar. That way of speaking. It makes me so miserable."
"Shall we change our tone?"
"No. But I like it now. It feels like I'm talking to someone I've been wanting to see."
"... Well, that's good. If that's the case, then that's good."
"My goal this time is to help Seokjin quickly forget his painful memories. I want to help him forget, even if only a little, about the grandmother he told me about during our first consultation."
"Every time I see Seokjin, it always seems like he's carrying his luggage alone."
She smiled brightly as she finished saying, “Let’s do our best.”
The counseling sessions continued for several months. She comforted and cared for Seokjin in her own way. For example, they reviewed the letters he wrote to himself every week and discussed them together. These ongoing sessions were truly heartwarming. Even though the conversations were always about the same things, I still found the time we spent talking with her truly rewarding. At first, I felt fondly reminded of the times I spent talking with my grandmother, but now, simply listening to each other's stories was truly a joy.
Then one day, he finally got a job, and a few days later, the company dinner, a celebration party for new employees, began. Seokjin felt awkward in this noisy company dinner. Because, it was the first time in his life that he was drinking in front of so many people, it was inevitable that he would feel awkward. He drank and drank until he eventually got drunk. As he staggered along, drunk from the company dinner that ended late at night, he missed his grandmother so much today. He had missed her usually, but today was the worst. Then, he picked up Seokjin's cell phone and called his grandmother's old phone. What Seokjin didn't realize was that the number he had just dialed wasn't his grandmother's, but Bada's. Her tone always carried his grandmother's, so he dialed while drunk.
And it was around that time that I started to feel sad that the signal was going off.
"hello?"
"... grandma...?"
The sea, which seemed to have just woken up, received the call.
"Grandma... I miss you..."
"Why... why... did you leave me behind?"
Why on earth?
"...."
My grandmother left me behind.
Bada couldn't help but be shocked when she received the call. Seokjin was sobbing during the sudden call. And the fact that he called her "grandmother" made it even more shocking.
"Where are you, Seokjin?"
In the place where the sea had rushed so quickly, Seokjin was standing alone and sobbing.
"Seokjin, calm down first..."
"......"
"Take a deep breath."
"Now exhale." Five minutes had already passed as he repeated that. "Are you feeling better now?" he asked, gently patting Seokjin's back with his small hand.
"...I miss Grandma Bada so much."
"Seokjin, in times like this, you just hug me and cry."
“So, hold me and cry,” he said, stretching out his arms to both sides.
"...."
And as he hugged her, the smell of alcohol hit her nose, but still, as Bada wrapped her arms around his broad shoulders and whispered that it would be okay, Bada finally noticed that his shoulders were becoming more and more clammy. Bada knew all too well that his shoulders were clammy, and he knew Seokjin's condition better than anyone else, so he could silently pat his shoulder.
A few minutes passed. I felt the sobbing gradually quieten down.
"Seokjin, did you cry?"
"...."
"Mr. Seokjin?"
"... sorry."
After apologizing to her with a red nose and eyes, he immediately got up and ran off somewhere.
"...There's so much to be embarrassed about today..."
From that day on, Seokjin began to slowly open his heart to the sea. His gradual opening meant he was slowly improving. It was a fortunate circumstance that his condition wasn't far from improving.
Seokjin's continued positive and passionate attitude was also a boon to Bada. Because the person he cared for gradually improved.
How many consultations and events like that have there been?
"Seokjin, can I read the letter you wrote to yourself today?"
"of course."
The content of such letters also changed positively, and when the story about the grandmother of the tribe came up, Seokjin's reaction and mind changed to the point where he would laugh and praise his own grandmother.
And if we were to say the relationship that changed the most,
"Mr. Sea, here you are."
"Wow, why did you come so early..."
"I have a date with Bada, so I can't be late."
"Oh really!"
"Oh, Mr. Bada, your face is red."
You could call it the relationship between these two.
Thanks to his name, "Bada," Seokjin was able to overcome painful memories. He wanted to forget them, but of course, he couldn't, so he tried to ease the pain as much as possible.
"When are we going to start dating, Seokjin?"
"Well, shall we start dating today?"
Now, they have become indispensable to each other, helping each other forget each other's painful memories.
"i love you."
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Shangri-La: A spell to quickly forget bad memories
-𝚂𝚑�𝚗𝚐r𝚒-𝙻�-
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