[⚠️Warning Caution⚠️]
This content is written in homage to Suga's second mixtape, "Dear My Friend" and several characters.
Contains scenes of profanity and drug addiction.
(Those who are uncomfortable, please cut off your hands in advance)
It's a 10-part series.
Transferred from a collection of short stories.
*All stories come from the author's head.
Unauthorized distribution and reproduction are prohibited.
©️ Earthquake in My Head (2022)
Dear My Friend 6
The last day of release...
I felt like I shouldn't have any more contact with anyone related to drugs.
So I contacted my parents,
My parents didn't respond to my calls.
As I stood at the prison entrance, looking for someone to contact,
It was only then that I realized that my only friend, Yoongi, had really left me while I was wandering at rock bottom.
. . .
After standing in front of the prison for a while with a small suitcase,
I headed to the rehabilitation center where I had stopped by every time I was released from prison.
It wasn't until I entered the rehab center that I realized my life had truly hit rock bottom, and I cried every night for days on end.
Even though tears flow and flow
I'm just sinking into the deep sea,
It seemed like the sunlight above the sea could no longer reach me.
I was sick for several days.
I was boiling with fever and sweating like rain,
Tears kept flowing from my eyes.
As the water in my body drains away
I felt like all my energy was draining out of me.
That deep sorrow completely ruined me
It was for me.
When I saw myself with my bones touching the bathroom mirror,
I'm putting down my own grief now...
I felt like I had to live the rest of my life.
The medicine is a pimple.
The world doesn't change..?
I was the one who ignored it...
After a long time on the floor
I realized I could kick the floor and climb up
Watching the broadcast that is played at the rehabilitation center in the evening
I could truly feel the influence that Min Yoongi, or rather BTS, has on the world through music. I slowly realized that the promises we made as children were not empty promises.
'Yeah... you fly... I'll swim on the bottom...
But now I won't turn away and I will live with it...
I will not give up anymore and will live hard..'
From then on, it is the same story I have told countless times in my journals, meetings, and lectures.
Because there was really nothing, I stayed as a resident for the longest period, completed the vocational training provided there, and worked in various industrial sites, including construction sites.
Even though I had somehow regained my ability to live, I couldn't easily leave the facility.
I couldn't believe myself,
And my parents who worked hard for me,
It was because it was difficult to forgive myself for abandoning my friend Min Yoongi, who tried not to give up on me.
So, no matter what I was doing, I looked for something more solid and took on the task.
I felt like I had to suffer physically in order to repent even a little.
I just kept quiet. I was grateful for the little I could do... I filled my days with the goal of living like a human being.
I felt like the center was a place where they checked on me to see if I was doing well, so I went there every year after I left.
I also attended NA meetings (a drug addiction support group) without fail every week. As the years passed, I became a long-time member of the group, and I was able to stand firm in my position even when people stumbled and wandered.
At the center's recommendation, I attended overseas NA meetings and met sick people, and eventually started studying, which led me to where I am today.
Meeting addicts like myself in the past is... well...
It's just a continuation of patience.
I persevere until I realize that my life has reached the bottom of the abyss.
I have to feel that sorrow...
Only by facing our past can we find a reason to live the rest of our lives.
What I can do is
It is about persevering and holding on until that moment of realization.
Yoongi tried his best to find me and help me,
I didn't know that I had fallen into the abyss, so I couldn't accept anything.
It's only when you realize you've hit rock bottom
Paradoxically, it also prepares you to leap forward.
. . .