So we arrived at our next stop, the zoo. There were more animals than I'd expected. Suddenly, I remembered a time I'd gone to the zoo with my family.
Before our family became like this, back when Mom was still alive, the three of us used to go to the zoo together. I'd hold onto Mom and Dad's arms, smile brightly, and wander around the zoo.
At that time, the zoo truly looked like a fairy tale to me. The bear I'd only seen in books was sleeping, hugging its cub, and the giraffes were happily grazing on grass, enjoying their daily lives.
It was so comfortable that I felt like I was in a fairy tale.
Even though I'm no longer holding my mom and dad's hands, the zoo is still like a fairy tale to me.
“Look at that, lady! It’s a rabbit, a rabbit!”
“..so cute”
“Rabbits don’t eat carrots very well..”
“I can’t eat it because it’s high in sugar.”
"What, you know so much..?"
"I've seen it in a book before"
"See, if you like it, you'll find it that way."
" uh? "
“Just as I kept searching and wondering about you, you also kept searching and wondering about rabbits, because you liked them.”
” … “
"Everyone is like that. Instinctively."
I had nothing to say. I read books about rabbits instinctively, just because I liked them.
Because I went to the library and borrowed the book.
"Ugh...you're talking nonsense. Don't rationalize it like that."
"Rationalization? Well, that sounds about right."
“..I’m going to go see something else”
"Yeah! There are lions and tigers over there~"
“I didn’t say I was going with you?! ”
He was truly an elusive child. But that didn't mean I could break free from him. The harder I tried to escape, the deeper I fell into the trap.
The strength inside my body kept draining away as if I was possessed by something.
“Wow.. it’s a bear”
" stylish. "
“Do you like bears or rabbits?”
“..I am a bear”
" why? "
“I think the bear will protect me.”
I've loved rabbits and bears since I was little. Rabbits are so delicate and cute that I want to protect them, and bears are so strong and cool that they can protect me.
But if I had to choose between the two, I always chose the bear. The bear that could protect me.
“So am I a bear now?”
" what? "
"Because I can protect you and I have protected you"
"Huh.. you're not a bear, you're a rabbit, rabbit"
"Rabbit? Then..."
” ..? “
“Are you saying you just wanted to save me~?”
"..get out. I'm serious."
“Oh, then I’ll be sad.”
That child was the 'moon' to me. Not a bear, not a rabbit, not any other being, but the 'moon' itself.
Because he is not someone who can protect me unconditionally, and he is not someone I must protect unconditionally.
It was just the ‘moon’ that lit the way ahead so that I wouldn’t get lost in the deep darkness.
At that moment, an announcement came on.
“In a little while, there will be a special show by our theme park’s pride, Gomsuni~! ••• “
"I guess that's the teddy bear show"
" .. It's not like you have to see it with the vice-president other than me.. "
"Oh my god!!"
"Phew.. I'm just kidding"
"You can't just play pranks like that, can you?"
".. Let's go quickly and reserve a seat"
"Huh? Don't change the subject!"
So we sat in the front row, waiting for the teddy bear show. I looked behind me and saw the vice-president. He must have found me quite an eyesore.
The kids next to the vice-president seemed to be swearing at me the moment they saw me. What should I do? Why does he want to see me with him?
Swish,
" why? "
“ ..because it’s ugly”
“What?! This is the first time I’ve heard that..!!”
“..just kidding”
“You tend to take jokes too seriously.”
“I see...”
I'm the one who wants to see it together
A little while later, the teddy bear show began, and a bear named Gomsoon appeared and performed various tricks with the keeper. I was so captivated that I didn't even realize how much time had passed.
Then, the zookeeper suddenly raised his hand.
“So, is there anyone here who would like to try this couple experience?”
“Experience..?”
“It’s an experience where you can feed Gomsuni up close!”
" ah.. "
I really wanted to do it. But since I wasn't a couple, I just stayed still. Why do they always make things like that a couples experience?
at that time,
Swish,
"Us!"
” ..?!! ”
Suddenly, the boy grabbed my hand and shouted that he wanted to go, and the zookeeper called us to the center of the stage, saying that he was a very courageous boyfriend.
I was called out somehow, so I couldn't get angry and just fed the kid along with him. Well... feeding him was fun, but... no matter what, the vice-president is there too, so a couple is just too much.
“You really...”
“Thanks to you, I fed Gomsuni too~ Don’t be mad.”
“The vice-president was there too..!”
“Why is that?”
“I don’t know if he likes you..l”
“I don’t like him.”
“N..you”
It was cold. The chill I felt from that single word caught me off guard, completely at a loss. It was my first time experiencing it directly, and the chill, even colder than I'd imagined, seemed to freeze my entire body and mind in an instant.
“I don’t care about him either, so why do you care about him?”
“No, I...”
“At least when you’re with me, only pay attention to me. Okay?”
" .. okay "
I didn't know how cold the universe was, and how cold the beings that survived in it were.
So, after finishing all my schedule, I returned to my accommodations. I quietly used the upstairs attic. It's been that way since I first came to Jeju.
Well, I guess I'll be awkward for everyone and most of all...
Because you'll feel disgusted just from the idea of mixing together.
at that time,
Tiring,
“ ..? ”
I got a text from that kid's number, suggesting we go for a walk. My feet were already sore from walking so much, so I told him I wouldn't go, but he said he'd stay out all night if I didn't come.
I ended up going out after being threatened, not threatened.
“Huh? You’re out?! ”
“Even though it’s spring, it’s so cold, why stay up all night?”
“You came out because you were worried about me, right?”
" .. what "
"Let's go quickly! There was a walking path over there earlier."
” … “
So, the boy and I headed to a place called the promenade. It was right next to the sea and a really nice place to take a walk at night.
“When have I seen this place before..?”
“Isn’t it pretty?”
“..it’s pretty”
The sound of waves and insects in the quiet silence, and even the fireflies shining between the grasses.
It was really comfortable and nice. It was like a fairy tale.
“The moon is pretty too.”
” … “
It was like stepping into a fairy tale. It always was like that with this child. Everything felt magical, warm, and comfortable, like stepping into a fairy tale.
I could do everything I wanted and sleep peacefully.
You were like a prince to me, even though you weren't a prince on a white horse.
He was the kind of prince who could hold the princess's hand and dance with her at a ball at any time.
And then I opened my mouth again as if possessed by something.
“.. pretty”
" uh? "
“The moon is... pretty”
Because it was really pretty, because my moon was shining much bigger and brighter than I thought.
I wished this fairytale-like moment would never end. No, I wished I could be trapped here forever.