Strawberries and cigarettes
I'd like to define us as strawberries and cigarettes. My memories with you are from my now-faded school days. About ten years ago, due to my parents' overseas business trip, I was sent to live with my grandmother in the countryside for about a week. I was a high school student then, immature, and confused by everything, so I wandered around for a while.
You, along with the week that came to me while I was wandering, felt like a very short dream. And a very sweet dream at that.
🍓&🚬
Our first encounter was when I was just getting used to country life, on the road behind my grandmother's house, I pulled a cigarette out of my pocket and put it to my lips. With the cigarette still in my mouth, I reached into my pocket again for my lighter. But it was long gone, and it wouldn't light.
“Oh, shit… there’s no fire.”
I wasn't a frequent smoker. At first, I picked them up out of curiosity, and before I knew it, I'd gotten used to them. I always carried cigarettes with me, but I only took them out and smoked when I felt like it.
I was so annoyed by the lighter not lighting that I hurled it into the country road with a frustrated thud. I was about to give up smoking and go home when someone thrust a lighter in front of me. I frowned at the sight of the man's hand, its veins bulging out.
"what?"
“Because it seemed necessary.”
He was a cute boy. His hair was a soft brown, his eyes had beautiful double eyelids, and his lips were the color of ripe strawberries. For some reason, I was drawn to him.
“Please light a cigarette.”
My gaze remained fixed on his face, a cigarette in my mouth, and I nodded. The boy clicked the lighter he was holding and carefully lit the cigarette I had in my hand. I held the cigarette in my left hand, took a puff, and then exhaled the smoke.
Then, I took a quick look at him. He was two heads taller than me, and his built was impressive. Not bad, I thought. I finished my cigarette, then dropped the butt on the floor. I then stomped on it with my toes, rubbing it hard.
“What are you staring at?”
“Because it’s pretty.”
My first impression of him was "cute," then "is he crazy?" Whether people thought I was pretty or not, I didn't really care. But don't people usually say things like that to themselves? Contrary to my first impression, he was so direct that I chuckled.
“Do you like me?”
"huh."
"me too."
I liked his boldness, his face, his body. It was only in the countryside that I found my ideal type, the one I'd never seen in Seoul. It seemed like I'd found something to do while I was in the country. Whenever I looked at him with an expression of interest, his ears would turn pink.
“What is your name?”
"jungkook jeon."
“I’m Kim Yeo-ju. But I’m leaving for Seoul soon.”
I wanted to tell you in advance. I'm leaving this place soon, and I'm supposed to be here, so we can't continue. He seemed to immediately grasp the meaning behind my words about leaving for Seoul, and he nodded.
It meant it was okay. I think I finally understand what it means to know something without having to say anything. That's what our current situation was like.
“Then we can meet right now.”
“Isn’t that too fast?”
“It’s better than slow, right?”
“Well… I hate being slow too.”
I grabbed Jeon Jungkook's hand first. The moment our skins touched, he flinched for a moment, then held on tightly. I raised a smile at him, and he smiled back. At this point, I thought it was just a joke. Liking someone and falling deeply in love were two different things.
🍓&🚬
That thought was fleeting, and within a few short days, I was completely captivated by Jeon Jungkook. From the day we first met, I not only saw him every single day, but since we were in the deep countryside, I went to his house almost every day to just chill out.
There's a saying: When bodies grow distant, hearts grow distant. And I realized that when bodies grow closer, hearts grow closer too. Through Jeon Jungkook, I realized that. If I were in Seoul, I would have taken him out to enjoy various things. But in the countryside, overflowing with greenery, all we could do was fall deeper into each other.
“Jungkook, why do you like me?”
“Because it’s pretty.”
“Is that all?”
"huh."
“That’s too much. Anyway, it’s not good for people to be too honest.”
As usual, I was lying on the same bed as Jeon Jungkook in his room, rolling around and playing. Lying next to him on the bed, I suddenly asked him a question that had occurred to me: Why does Jeon Jungkook like me? The same old question. Just like when we first met, Jeon Jungkook answered that he liked me because I was pretty. Honestly, I was a little disappointed. It was always nice to hear Jeon Jungkook tell me I was pretty, but today, I wanted a different answer.
“Your eyes, nose, and lips are all pretty. I just think everything about you is pretty.”“Hey, heroine.”
“Phew… what is that?”
I liked Jeon Jungkook's answer. Even if I had wanted a different answer, it was far more valuable than I'd hoped for. Jeon Jungkook tapped my eyes, nose, and mouth with his fingertips as he answered, and I ended up bursting out laughing.
As I burst out laughing, Jeon Jungkook climbed on top of me and kissed me. Our kisses were always passionate, but today was especially passionate. It seemed to signal that our separation wasn't far off. After all, I had to return to Seoul tomorrow.
After a long kiss, Jeon Jungkook and I separated our lips, and I cupped his cheeks with both hands. Then, without a word, we shared a single, blissful smile. At the same time, I confessed what might have been my last.
"love you."
Somewhere in my eyes, a sadness was evident. I was sad about parting ways with Jeon Jungkook. This is always the problem with certain breakups. The more I delve into this person, the closer the breakup becomes. This time, I was the first to give Jeon Jungkook a light kiss on the lips. It was my regret at leaving him.
“Since the beginning was your choice, I will also hold the breakup in your hands.”
“……”
"If I'm something you miss, come see me tomorrow when I leave. If you don't come, we'll just figure things out on our own."
"… huh."
“Let’s say our final goodbyes here, Jeongguk.”
I decided to take a gamble. From the beginning, I planned to follow Jeon Jungkook's decision, and that feeling hasn't changed. If Jeon Jungkook regrets leaving me and comes out tomorrow, I'll return. If not, we'll just sort things out on our own.
We said our final goodbyes to each other, with my firm resolve that I could not catch Jeon Jungkook, even if it was just for the sake of my pride.
“Take care, Jeon Jungkook.”
“You are doing well, Kim Yeo-ju.”
Finally, as we held each other in our arms, an unidentifiable scent emanated from us. It was a sweet, smoky scent, a mixture of the smell of cigarettes from me and the strawberry scent from Jeon Jungkook.
🍓&🚬
Thanks to Jeon Jungkook, my enjoyable country life was coming to an end, and there wasn't much time left until my parents came to pick me up. Clutching my overstuffed suitcase in one hand, I waited for them. No, actually, I waited for Jeon Jungkook.
“…You shouldn’t expect anything.”
Despite repeatedly reminding myself not to get my hopes up, I sighed deeply at the inevitable surge of anticipation. Then, a familiar car slammed into view with a loud roar, and it stopped right in front of me. I immediately opened the trunk, loaded my suitcase, and waited a few more minutes, despite my parents' urging me to hurry.
But even as minutes passed, ten minutes, and ten minutes passed, and twenty minutes passed, Jeon Jungkook still hadn't shown up. Only then did it dawn on me. Rather than feeling sorry for me, Jeon Jungkook had chosen to sort things out on his own.
Tears fell uncontrollably. It had been a brief encounter, lasting only a few days. It felt incredible that we had made it this far in those few days, yet it all felt so absurd. I told myself not to expect anything, but I must have been expecting too much. I wish Jeon Jungkook would show up before me today.
“Okay, forget it all. It would be better to just forget everything.”
I was so overcome with tears that I couldn't even cry out loud, so I just roughly wiped them away with the back of my hand and got into the car.
“You bad boy… Every time I hug you, you say you’re pretty…”
I bit my lip and barely held back tears. Since we had decided to sort things out, I would try to do so as quickly as possible, but I felt like I wouldn't be able to completely sort things out. Jeon Jungkook was the only person in my life who had penetrated so deeply in such a short time.
Perhaps I was even more heartbroken because I knew Jeon Jungkook wouldn't be here today. Come to think of it, all he'd ever said was that I was pretty, no expression of affection. Even when I asked why he liked me, when I told him I loved him, he didn't say anything.
All that was left for me was the smell of strawberries, which had long since permeated my clothes and could no longer be erased.
🍓&🚬
It's all an illusion. More than ten years later, I can't remember your name or face. The only thing I remember is the unfamiliar scent we shared when we held each other. The sweet strawberry scent from your body, and the stale smell of cigarette smoke from mine.
There may have been a reason I wanted to define us as strawberries and cigarettes. One of the many reasons is that I want to keep remembering you.
Now that I'm all grown up, I still think of you when I see strawberries and cigarettes. Like strawberries, it was you who made me sweet, and like cigarettes, it was you who made me sick.
at last Strawberries and tobacco tasted the same.
I don't know what kind of a shitty article this is... No, I definitely started off really excitedly... ? But I don't know why the result is such a piece of shit; Well, but you all know... I usually write like a shitty piece! If I feel like writing again later, I'll upgrade to the second installment of Strawberries and Cigarettes and scribble away... Please look at it nicely.💗
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