2020.7.8 Weather Cloudy
Everyday life without you is so hard. I have hallucinations every time.
He hugs me warmly and welcomes me. Every time I see those hallucinations, I feel like going crazy. It's been a month since you left, but I still vividly remember and feel your presence.
I felt like I couldn't take it anymore, so I went to the hospital. They diagnosed me with depression. They advised me to stay in the hospital for a while and also try psychological counseling.
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"Then, Seol-ah, do you have a memory of the happiest time in your life?" (Doctor
"What is your happiest memory?"
"I liked it the most when Jungkook was by my side. Just by his presence." (Seol-ah)
"Don't you want to see him now?" (Doctor
"I still love you so much, I miss you so much I'm going crazy, so I applied for counseling." (Seol-ah)
''If I don't do that, I feel like I'll die too.''
"Welcome. I won't forget that person, but I will make your daily life easier, Seol-ah." (Doctor
''...Thank you.'' (Seol-ah
It was my first time getting counseling, and I felt relieved because I was able to let out all my pent-up emotions. No matter how hard the doctor tries to erase Jeon Jungkook from my memories, I won't be able to forget him even a little bit.
July 22, 2020 Weather: Clear
I'm so happy I feel like the sky is going to fall down.
The reason is that today, in my dream, he finally appeared. In the dream, he was wearing a pure white suit. And he came to me and said this.
''To you soonI'm goingSo don't cry and just smile.''
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"I missed you, Jeon Jungkook." (Seol-ah
I was so curious about him, but I couldn't say anything. Even though he was smiling, there was a sadness in his eyes that you couldn't tell.
2020.11.25 Weather Cloudy
Since that day, he appears in my dreams every day. Every time he comes to see me, he is smiling brightly. I am not sure if the him in my dreams is the one I know or if he is someone else, but the him I see in my dreams is Jeon Jungkook, whom I love.
But, these days, in my dreams, you say strange things to me.
"Now, Seol-ah, you can love someone else besides me."
''It's hard for you to wait for me too.''
"You came into my dreams like this... and made me wait longer, and now you're telling me to give up on you." (Seol-ah)
''That's too hard for me. So I can't give up on you.''
"I'm sorry every time... for leaving on your wedding day, and for telling you to love someone else now." (Jungkook)
"But, Seol-ah, you're turning 26 soon. How long are you going to wait for me?"
"You said you would definitely come to me. In the dream I first saw you in, I clearly heard you say, 'I will come to you soon.'"
I had an uneasy feeling. I thought we might break up like this. In reality, Jungkook is no longer with me in the real world, so it's as good as broken up, but not in my dreams. I'm still in love with him.
''That's... I don't think I can keep that promise.''
''....Okay. It didn't make sense for you, who was dead, to come back to reality anyway...'' (Seol-ah
"I'm sorry. It's like this." (Jungkook
''please...Stop saying sorry.''(Seol-ah
"I'm always sorry... I was a little upset when you left without saying anything. But not anymore. The moment I saw you in my dream, all that upset went away."
"I'll try to stop it, Seol-ah." (Jungkook
"Just don't use the word 'sorry'. It makes me feel sorry for no reason." (Seol-ah)
Now, 2 years later
''A week ago, he suddenly said, 'This is a dream,' and since then, he hasn't appeared in my dreams.''
"What...is he really gone now?" (Seol-ah
"You've become more calm than before." (Doctor
"Anyway, I could feel that he was about to leave because he kept saying ambiguous things." (Seol-ah)
''So... I decided to just give up.'' (Seol-ah
"Aren't you sad? You won't be able to see him anymore." (Doctor
''Jungkook left two years ago.. I only saw him in my dreams every day.
Now I'm going to let you go, no, it's right to let you go.''(Seol-ah
''I feel comfortable with that too haha''
"That's fortunate." (Doctor
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February 18, 2022 Weather: Clear
At that time, your figure was far away and I couldn't see it clearly. I had to walk step by step to see your figure.
It made me anxious.
''Jungkook!'' (Seol-ah
''You're here? Heh...'' (Jungkook
''what's the matter?''
"I'll tell you now, Seol-ah. I thought you knew."
''....Leaving?'' (Seol-ah
''(Nod)''(Jungkook
''I've been here in this dream for too long.''
"I have something I really want to say. I'll say it since I won't be seeing you again."
''If you say,reincarnationIf you do, please say hello to me.
Of course, that won't happen...''(Seol-ah"Yeah..thank you for staying with me until the end" (Jungkook
''I loved you, Han Seol.''