[2]
I thought Jungkook's mood had cooled down, but he quickly regained his energy.
Shall we buy something delicious on the way to work?
Then let's buy one for Yoongi too.
"Ham."
"huh?"
I'll talk about Yoongi hyung. So don't you talk about it, Ham.
What is this? Does Jungkook not want to lose Yoongi to me? There really is some kind of strong bond between the members. Maybe something straight out of a fanfic is actually happening in real life. While I was away on my way to the other planet alone, Jungkook sensed something was off and gave me a light tap on the forehead.
I know what you're thinking, but that's not it.
"Ah, no, I see."
"I'm not interested in guys. It's just that it seems like Ham is only looking out for Yoongi hyung."
I was just a little jealous. Jealousy? Was it always this good to have Jungkook jealous of me? Jungkook told me not to look for Yoongi, but hearing that makes me want to take care of him even more. Because it means Jungkook gets jealous every time I do. It makes me feel like I’ve become special to him.
Still, I'm grateful to Yoongi for teaching me various things.
"I'll teach you too! The dance!"
I'm really bad at dancing.
You can get better with practice. Let's do it together!
I'm embarrassed to show you because I'm not good at dancing.
Jungkook's gaze fixed on me for a while as he watched me shyly. When I looked up at him intently, he paused as he reached to cup my cheek with his hand.
Ah. Sorry.
"Huh? What?"
Let's hurry to the office.
Jungkook always waited for me, but today he walked a few steps ahead. For some reason, I feel lonely. The more I think about wanting to get just a little closer to him, the further Jungkook seems to drift away from me.
"Ham, come quickly."
While I was feeling down, I heard Jungkook's voice calling my name. Before I knew it, he had turned to look at me and was reaching out his hand. Right. Let's not be sad yet. Because Jungkook is still reaching out to me. I took Jungkook's hand.
"Oh. I ended up holding hands with Ham somehow."
I tried to pull my hand away, conscious of the surrounding stares, but Jungkook held my hand even tighter.
Let's go like this.
Ham and I holding hands. With his bright, innocent face, Jeon Jungkook makes my heart flutter and, at the same time, makes it hard for me to hold back. Nevertheless, I am happy about Jungkook's actions. Simply because the hand he is holding is mine.
As long as I was at the company, I was always with Yoongi. Of course, that was only when Yoongi was there. Whenever BTS had separate schedules, I devoted myself to practice. I used the practice room with the regular trainees. It was clear that I was not a welcome presence.
"Isn't that him? The Big Hit nepotism hire."
"He looks ordinary, how did he get in?"
There are rumors that there is a sponsor within the company.
Wow. That's why they're right on the verge of debuting.
"Just how big of a catch did you get that Senior Min Yoon-gi is doing a concentrated core test?"
"I don't know. How would I know the situation of a kid who uses their body so dirty?"
Strange rumors circulated among the trainees because I joined the company after winning Yoongi's favor. It's understandable, considering I... to all the trainees...
If I were to reveal how I came to join the company, that would cause problems for BTS in its own way. I had no choice but to endure it, even if I heard negative comments. After all, it was a fact that I was on the verge of debuting in a shorter period than them.
"Ham, come out."
"Yoon-gi. No, Senior!"
Let's go to the recording studio.
The trainees' gossip stopped as Yoongi appeared. Yoongi looked back at the trainees once.
You're practicing hard, right?
"Yes. Senior. I respect you completely."
Okay. Thank you.
I really want to become a musician like you, senior.
I realized once again that Yoongi is truly a respected singer. As expected, Yoongi is someone from a different world than me. It was a complete delusion of mine to think that I had become close to them simply because I became a trainee.
Even after entering the recording studio, I could hardly concentrate on practicing. The other trainees had been practicing for much longer than me, yet they hadn't made it to the debut. I didn't realize that I might have been on the verge of debuting too easily simply because I knew Yoongi and Jungkook.
"Ham."
"huh?"
"Why can't you concentrate today?"
"Ah. Sorry. I keep having distracting thoughts."
Yoongi stopped the recording. I thought Yoongi must have been angry. I felt sorry for having distracting thoughts while receiving intensive lessons from Yoongi on top of a debut opportunity that others struggle to get even once.
Shall we stop the recording here for today?
I'm sorry, Yoongi.
"what?"
You got a good opportunity more easily than others, yet you are hesitating like this.
Do you think I just picked you?
Yoongi seemed to have realized exactly what kind of worries I was having.
"Well, I don't really have anything special about me."
"If that were the case, I wouldn't have tried to debut you."
"..."
"I liked your songwriting skills and your voice. Even though you are unrefined, if you are already this good, I think you can shine even more. You need to fix your lack of confidence in yourself. However, my belief that I have discovered a hidden gem remains unchanged."
I see. Yoongi didn't choose me simply because we're close. It's just that I doubted my own abilities. I was merely burying my potential. I'm the one who should be appealing. Was my self-esteem really this low?
I'm sorry. Yoongi. I'm really sorry.
I wonder why. Yoongi’s words were such a great comfort that I couldn’t hold back my tears. As I kept apologizing, Yoongi gently wrapped his arms around me.
You don't need to feel sorry for me. You can rely on me as much as you want.
"..."
So, find the way to be most comfortable for yourself. Find the way that is least difficult. Think about who you should keep closest to make yourself comfortable. Think about that.
I didn't know what Yoongi was thinking when he said that, but I knew that he cared deeply for me.
"Ham!"
The recording studio door opened while Yoongi was holding me in his arms and comforting me. When Jungkook saw Yoongi and me, his face visibly stiffened.
"Jungkook?"
I guess I picked the wrong timing.
"Jungkook. That's not it."
Jungkook turned his back on me, trying hard to hide his trembling eyes. What on earth am I doing? Yoongi supported me as I stumbled.
Are you worried?
"..."
"Jeon Jungkook. Afraid of a misunderstanding?"
Yoongi's eyes, looking at me, were trembling just as precariously as Jungkook's.
Jungkook misunderstood. He definitely must have. Because I was being held by Yoongi. I might be the only one paying attention, but Jungkook definitely seemed flustered.
"Does it look like you're worried?"
"Yeah. Very much so."
"Does Jungkook know that, too?"
Yoongi looked back in the direction Jungkook had run away.
That guy is completely clueless.
Right. I see.
It’s a relief that he doesn’t know how I feel. If he had, we wouldn’t be able to get along like this. However, if Jungkook ends up misunderstanding the relationship between Yoongi and me, it will be difficult to maintain our current relationship in its own way.
I'm going to go see Jungkook.
"no."
Don't go. I wanted to tell Jungkook right away that this wasn't the situation he thought it was. But I ended up being held by Yoongi's hand. Yoongi had a look on his face that said he didn't want to let me go.
I'm worried about you.
"huh?"
More than you care about Jeon Jungkook. I'm going crazy worrying about you.
What is Yoongi saying to me right now? No matter how many times I listen, it sounds like a confession. It sounds just like he’s saying he likes me.
What does that mean?
You're no different from Jungkook.
"..."
You're so clueless.
I’ve been watching you so constantly, never missing a moment. Yet, the eyes directed at Jeon Jungkook never once met mine. Yoongi wasn't joking. His face was more serious than ever.
Does that mean you like me?
Simply put, yes. I like you.
That's why I don't want to lose you to Jeon Jungkook. I'd rather he misunderstand. My relationship with you. Yoongi looked unfamiliar. I had always thought of him as someone I felt comfortable with, so I couldn't easily adjust to Yoongi, whom I suddenly started seeing as a man.
Sorry. I need to think.
I shook off Yoongi's hand and walked out of the recording studio. Yoongi didn't try to hold me back any longer. Was he hurt? He must be. If it were me, I would be. I had no idea. I thought Yoongi was interested in me simply because he liked my voice. Could it be that I unconsciously hurt him more often than I thought? I needed a space to be alone. There were so many eyes in the office. It was a moment when I desperately wished someone would help me.