[4]
Hello. When a new singer attends an awards ceremony, they have to bow all day. Honestly, I was completely out of it. Seeing the singers I've always admired right in front of me, I almost wanted to bow.
"You're watching so well."
Occasionally, when I heard a compliment, a smile would naturally spread across my face. I felt like my hard work had paid off. After going around the seniors' waiting rooms and handing out albums, I felt all the strength drain from my body. As I staggered toward the waiting room, like wilted spinach, I saw Jungkook. But I couldn't look at him with my usual bright face.
"Senior Jungkook, your clapping choreography is awesome."
Pristin's Joo Kyul-kyung. One of Pledis's most beautiful women. I knew she was usually witty and got along well with everyone, but I wished she wouldn't smile back. But Jungkook was scratching the back of his head, embarrassed. I really hate it. I'm jealous of this. It's been so long since I've seen her, why should I feel this way? Can't we always be happy?
"Ham."
"Yoongi."
"Don't worry too much about it. We're just close friends. That's how Jeon Jungkook always smiles."
Why is it that Yoongi can tell my feelings the moment he sees me, even though Jeon Jungkook doesn't?
"It's been a while since I've seen you, so smile. It's okay to be happy."
"Yeah. I wish so. I'd like to."
Why is it that just a moment ago, I was so happy just thinking about Jungkook, but now my hatred for him is growing? Why do I end up shedding tears in front of Yoongi, who should only show me happiness? It's Jungkook I'm supposed to be relying on.
"Come here."
Yoongi led me into my waiting room, making sure no one saw me crying. He didn't hug me or offer any comfort. He simply watched me quietly as I cried.
"I'm giving up."
"..."
"Even though it doesn't work out, I'm really trying. Even though I'm being annoying to you."
Don't keep shaking me. Don't make me want to steal you away. Don't make me greedy, Ham. Because next time, I don't think I'll be able to leave you alone. Yoongi left me alone in the waiting room and left.
"I'm really bad. Really."
It's bad. I could just put up with it. Celebrities must have been worse. Why am I so petty just because Jungkook smiled at someone else? Why did I even confuse Yoongi? Come to think of it, I was exhausted. Even without Jungkook, I'd be up all night, catching a few naps during my busy schedule. The countless comments from people who don't know me, judging me. The gazes around me that I can't help but be aware of. Yes. Me.
"I'm so tired."
My everything.
.
.
"Ham, what's going on?" The stylist, completely shocked by the sight of her makeup smeared with tears, hurriedly began to tidy it up.
"I'm sorry, sister."
"Is it really hard? It's not easy. Being a celebrity at a young age."
"..."
"It won't be easy to have to endure everything at an age when you want to do whatever you want."
My stylist calmly understood my feelings. "Okay. Just hold on a little longer. You're only happy when you're on stage. You have such wonderful people around you."
"Ham is prettiest when she's on stage. She looks happy. She's definitely not on the wrong path. She's on the right path. It's just a little difficult."
"Thank you, sister."
My sister quickly began to stop me, as I was about to burst into tears again. She didn't know if I'd be able to reapply my makeup before the performance if I cried again. Encouraged by my sister, I headed backstage to go on stage.
,
,
As soon as Yoongi entered BTS's waiting room, he grabbed Jungkook by the collar, who was looking at his phone. Yoongi's sudden action made the other members look anxious, as if they were holding a time bomb.
"What? All of a sudden?"
"What? All of a sudden? Are you aware that Ham-i is your girlfriend?"
"Of course I know. Do you call that a question?"
"Then take care of it properly."
"Why should I hear that from you?"
Jungkook reacted sharply. Ham-yi was a sensitive issue for both Jungkook and Yoongi.
"I would have hugged you. I would have comforted you. A hundred times."
"..."
"Even if I was rejected, I would have confessed. Even if I hated you, I would have kissed you. Until you loved me."
If that person hadn't been you, Jeon Jungkook, I wouldn't have even considered giving up. I could feel the sincerity in Yoongi's words.
"So don't ever make Ham cry in front of me again. I won't tolerate it next time."
Yoongi released Jeongguk's collar and, with a terrified expression, left the waiting room. Only then did Jeongguk realize he'd done something wrong. He couldn't figure out why, but he'd made Ham cry. Jeongguk placed a hand on his forehead, confused.
"What's so difficult about this? It's obvious who I like, yet it's like this."
No one but Ham could comfort Jeongguk.