[6]
Jungkook misunderstood. It would all be pointless now that we're gone, but I didn't want Jungkook to think I was swayed by Yoongi. I still like Jungkook. I was just worried my feelings might be hurting him.
"I love you ARMY!"
Jungkook acted like his usual self on stage, as if nothing had happened. I wasn't natural on stage. This is where the difference between Jungkook and me becomes clear. Jungkook is a true professional. I'm a fake. It's to the point where I wonder if I would have made it to this point without Yoongi.
"Okay. We'll have a surprise interview. Many of you joined us for the concert today. Big Hit's new singer, Ham Ee, made a particularly impressive debut overseas. Shall we meet him?"
"Hello. This is Ham."
Wow—contrary to my expectations, there were so many fans who welcomed me warmly. I thought BTS fans would just scream at me because I'm a new Big Hit Entertainment member, but when I came out, they sang a line from my song. Just moments ago, I was questioning whether becoming a singer was the right decision, but the fans cheered me on. They gave me so much love that I deserved.
"Thank you. Thank you so much."
Before I knew it, I was shedding tears as the fans cheered me on. The tears were uncontrollable, and even though the fans were chanting at me to stop, I couldn't stop crying.
"Fans love me so much, but I don't think I loved myself enough. Thank you for your love. I will continue to show you a better side of me with good songs. I love you."
Compared to other singers, their numbers were far less impressive, but to me, they held more meaning than any other number. Taehyung and Jimin consoled me as I cried, and the cheers grew louder.
"Don't cry."
"Ham is the best!"
Thanks to that, at that moment, various social media platforms were flooded with cries from people who wanted to become Big Hit's new artists and receive BTS's love. If I were in their shoes, I'd probably desperately want this position and envy it, but now I'm here for a different reason. For myself. For my fans. And for the person I love.
"Taehyung is here!"
Taehyung came into the waiting room. He sat down next to me while I was fixing my makeup.
"Ham was so touched, he was in tears."
"Honestly, I didn't know I had fans. I thought they'd just yell at me because I was with Big Hit."
"Hey. That can't be true. Even I've heard that Ham has a good voice. There are many people who are good because they're Ham, not for any other reason."
"Thank you. I always wondered if becoming a singer was the right thing to do. Now I think I can be sure."
"I'm glad I became a singer. As expected, this is what I love to do." Taehyung observed my reaction before revealing his original reason for coming to the waiting room.
"Um. But what happened between you and Jungkook? Did you fight?"
"..."
"If you date, you might fight. Well, that's okay. Jungkook really likes ham."
"It's broken."
"huh?"
"I broke up with Jungkook."
Taehyung looked quite flustered. I didn't know it would turn out like this overnight. I had said we should break up, but I didn't know I would feel this empty afterward.
"Did Ham-i say he wanted to break up?"
"Yeah, that's right."
"Ah. I see. Is it because of Yoongi hyung?"
"No. It doesn't matter to Yoongi. It's just because of me."
Taehyung just stared at me quietly, without asking any questions. I felt like I could tell him. He wasn't a frivolous person. I felt like I could tell him everything.
"Because I like Jungkook too much."
"What does that mean?"
"I keep getting greedy. I'm worried that it'll be hard for Jungkook. I get jealous of everything and get angry all the time. Jungkook has a busy schedule, so I'm worried that I'll be a burden. That's why."
Taehyung smiled with a helpless expression.
“You didn’t tell Jungkook that, did you?”
As I nodded, Taehyung turned his gaze to the makeup girl.
"Sister. Can I borrow your ham? It'll only be for a little while."
"I'm okay because my makeup is done. I have to come back quickly."
"Don't worry. I'll be on time."
"Okay. Then go."
Taehyung grabbed my wrist and led me out of the waiting room.
"Taehyung. Where are you going?"
"To Jungkook."
"What? Why are you going there?"
"say."
Taehyung was still holding my wrist tightly.
"Tell Jungkook I like him so much. Just tell him everything you're thinking and feeling. Do you think Jungkook won't understand? Do you think he'll get mad? No, he won't."
"but."
"It's not up to you to decide what's difficult. That's for Jungkook to decide. Why are you arbitrarily deciding how Jungkook feels?"
Taehyung's words are not wrong. But I don't have the courage to look at Jungkook right now.
"Tell me no matter what. I'll deliver it to you, Jeongguk."
Taehyung dragged me into BTS's waiting room without mercy. As soon as I entered, I saw Jungkook and Yoongi with their backs turned. It must be my fault that their relationship has become so strained.
"Hami has something she wants to say to Jeongguk."
Jungkook looked up at me with cautious, wounded eyes. I wanted to hug him and comfort him right away. I wanted to tell him it was all a misunderstanding. But not now. Jungkook and I are nothing.
"What do you want to say?"
"Jungkook."
"huh."
"It's so hard for me to like you."
Jungkook listened to me quietly. It was painful, but he held it together.
"I keep getting greedy and it's so hard. I like you more, I want to hold you more, I want to see only me, I'm so greedy. That's why it's so hard."
Jungkook looked up at me with somewhat surprised eyes. "I wonder if you're feeling burdened.
"I'm sorry. I was too greedy. I can no longer stand by your side. I don't want to be a burden to you."
Someone stopped me as I was about to turn around and leave the waiting room.