I'm so lonely

2

“I have a lover.”



He seemed to like me, but I couldn't help but feel his dry tone. It was a bit disappointing. But I didn't want to live with loneliness again, so I clung to him. I guess it didn't hurt his feelings. I wasn't feeling particularly good, but I tried to pretend to smile for him.



“Hey. Are you kidding me? Get out of the way.”



“You don’t even know how to do anything.”



“What are you doing, meddling?”



I lived with unspeakable insults and humiliation. No one acknowledged the pain, and I only spat out barbed words. What I truly needed wasn't money, nor my parents. Love, truly caring people. Someone who would only look at me. I needed it so much. But I don't know if such a person truly exists. In the morning, everyone greets me with a warm smile, but at night, no one looks at me. I wandered helplessly, trying to shake off empty thoughts. I desperately needed someone I could rely on, but all I found were hurtful words. People who pretended to be nice while targeting my body, low-life people. I felt empty. I would laugh, then feel depressed. I would feel like I'd lost my mind. Then, exhausted, I would fall asleep.