31 | An unnecessary existence
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I took only Seo-i to a different place. Seo-i followed me without a word, and when we arrived at a secluded spot where few people come, I looked at Seo-i without saying anything.
“…Do you have something to say?”
“Are you asking because you don’t know?”
“I heard you got our professor’s number.”
“… When did I?”
“You don’t know that your pupils shake when you lie.”
You may deceive me with words, but you cannot deceive me with your body.
Our professor is handsome, isn't he, Seo-ya?
“…”
"If you fell in love at first sight, that says it all."
“What’s your relationship with the professor?”
“What do you plan to do with knowing that? Are you going to steal him or something if we become a couple?”
It seemed like he liked me too.
All I could do was let out a hollow laugh. It’s true that Seo-i is pretty, but to think the professor seemed to like her. He was the one who came straight to tell me after getting her number. It didn't make sense that the professor, who had reassured me not to worry and said he would block me if she contacted him, was the one who seemed to like her.
"Oh, I see. You weren't mistaken?"
“No, then there’s no way he would have given me his number.”
“I just gave it to you because you said you were my younger sibling. Do you think you’re a good match for the professor?”
I'm warning you, don't take the things that are by my side anymore.
Don't ever come looking for me again... and don't mess with me, the professor and I are a couple.
"It doesn't matter anyway, since the professor isn't going to fall for it no matter how hard you hit on him."
With those words, I headed back to the hospital. Seo-i seemed to keep glaring at me with a stunned expression. I don't know if she approached the professor on purpose or if she was genuinely smitten, but I was shocked to find out she had even gotten my number. It's a relief the professor told me right away; otherwise, I might have remained unaware.
I was worried about Seo-i, who had liked men since childhood and would do anything out of jealousy if the man in her world even looked at another woman, but I decided to focus on the patient now.
Today was a moment when my life felt utterly miserable, like watching a soap opera. Cutting ties with my family isn't easy, but it was unavoidable. I didn't even want to call her Mom; she was too good for me.
I was already hurt by just my mother and younger sibling, and I can't even imagine what I would do if my father showed up now. Although my mother was strict about my studies, the person I feared most was my father. My father, who only had eyes for my mother, was someone who would do anything for her to do.
Why is my life like this? It felt more miserable than the heroine of a soap opera. I had worked hard to earn this position, but now I felt disillusioned even with it.
Would everyone be at peace if I disappeared? Is my life so miserable all my fault? No matter how hard it was, I tried to think positively, but as time went on, nothing but negative thoughts filled my mind regarding my life, which was becoming more and more of a tragedy.
I wondered if I really deserved to be here, if I was even allowed to be alive, and if I was unnecessary to anyone. I began to hate my life and myself. In a situation like this, I should be steeling my resolve, but I guess I am not that strong.
I wonder if I am truly a necessary existence.