Is love curable?

40ㅣAnxious mind that cannot be put to sleep

40 | An Unsettling Anxiety

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I did not tell the professor what had come out of my dream. I thought there was no real need to tell him, and I didn't tell him because I was afraid he might feel anxious if I did. Of course, Grandmother's words might not be true, but since I had never seen her say anything useless, I had no choice but to believe her.

I was happy to see my grandmother for the first time in a long while, but after hearing those words, that good feeling vanished, leaving only anxiety. I was so anxious that I wondered if the saying "ignorance is bliss" applied here, and thought it would be better not to know.

Perhaps my anxiety showed on my face, as the professor seemed to be keeping a close eye on me. I tried to force a smile, but my expression quickly returned to normal. For this reason, although our eyes met frequently, I averted my gaze immediately. Normally, I would have kept making eye contact with him. The professor, perhaps finding my behavior strange as well, approached me and spoke.

Are you sick? You look unwell.

“Ah… it’s nothing.”

It’s not nothing, is it? Tell me what’s going on.

“P-Professor, aren’t there any surgeries?”

Yeah, I have some time left now.

“Um, I have to see a patient…”

I hurriedly left the place. The professor looked at me strangely, but didn't ask any further whether my lie had worked or if he was just letting it slide. However, even after that, I could not suppress my anxiety.

One day, while I was going about my ordinary life with a sense of unease, things suddenly became hectic as the number of emergency patients and those suffering from cardiac arrest increased. Three people had lost their lives today alone; it was not a small number to end one's life in a single day at just one location. I despaired as I watched the patients slowly losing their lives. I wondered if this was what my grandmother had spoken of, but it didn't seem like it.

As the professor told me before, it was something I should have taken for granted as a doctor. That is why I held onto my sanity as much as possible, so I wasn't entirely hopeless. This meant that even greater despair awaited me.

I became increasingly curious about what exactly that event was, and just how great a disaster it must be for my grandmother to appear in my dreams to speak of it. I was also curious about when it would happen. However, it was something I should not have been curious about. I had overlooked the fact that many events begin with a shred of curiosity.