I'm thinking of you
It's a short story
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***
"Dongmin-ah"
"Dongmin-ah," he said, "when have we seen each other?" Besides, this was only the second time we'd seen each other. Once on the first day of the new semester, and now.
"I'm a fan just once"
She turned around in her seat and leaned forward, her face in front of Han Dong-min's desk. She lightly poked a fan he was holding and smiled. The first thing I noticed was that sunny smile. Next, the three-character name engraved on the yellow name tag: "Kim Yeo-ju."
"...here."
Han Dong-min handed the fan he was holding to Kim Yeo-ju. Without even thinking about taking a fan out of his pencil case, Han Dong-min gave away his own fan without realizing it.
Kim Yeo-ju received a fan's call from Dong-min. Then, she gently brushed back her long, flowing hair and placed it in her ear. With a faint smile, she said, "Thank you," and turned back to face the front. Han Dong-min was mesmerized by the sight of her back, her long hair cascading down her back. He was, shall we say, captivated.
From that day on, Han Dong-min's gaze followed her. He recorded everything he'd heard about Kim Yeo-ju, as if writing it down in a diary. Her habit of closing her eyes first when she smiled, her cheerful personality always keeping her surrounded by people, her penchant for classical music and musicals, and her habit of taking sticker photos.
Aside from the fact that they were seated in front and behind each other, there was virtually no contact. Even so, Kim Yeo-ju often turned to sit behind Han Dong-min. It wasn't like she had anything particularly special to say. Most of the conversations were about trivial matters. Perhaps he was just a friend who could distract her from her boredom.
"Dongmin, what perfume do you use?"
"Perfume? I don't use it."
Even if it were just a gift, it would undoubtedly be sitting in a drawer at Han Dong-min's house, gathering dust. Han Dong-min didn't know how to use perfume, and he couldn't even fathom the sheer number of different kinds.
"But it smells good. Is it the smell of fabric?"
Kim Yeo-ju took one of Dong-min's left arms and buried her nose in the sleeve of his uniform, sniffing. The arm, pulled without resistance, stiffened. She pretended not to notice, but internally, every nerve in her body was on edge in her left arm. She could feel her pulse quickening in her wrist.
When Han Dong-min returned home that day, the first thing he did was walk over to the washing machine. He stopped at the fabric softener on the shelf. He turned the container over and over, reading the dense ingredient list. His eyes lit up when he saw the words "cotton scent." "This is it."
Dongmin returned to his room and began rummaging through his drawers. While rummaging through the dusty perfumes he'd received as gifts, he found one labeled "Cotton Scent." He brushed off the white dust that had accumulated on top of the unopened perfume.
He sprayed it once on his sleeve and sniffed it. It smelled similar to the fabrics he used at home. From then on, Han Dong-min became interested in perfume. Before he knew it, he was filling his perfume shelf with every cotton scent.
.
.
.
The next day, I was standing next to Kim Yeo-ju, laughing at the me from yesterday. I heard he was famous at school for liking Kim Yeo-ju. The problem was that it wasn't just him; other guys were also eyeing Kim Yeo-ju. As the saying goes, "A wolf only sees what's in the eye of the beholder," but I was just like them in the end. I knew he was popular a long time ago, so that was fine.
I thought so, but a subtle gaze made Han Dong-min uneasy. He was a different guy than before, yet he was showing Kim Yeo-ju's face, a face she'd never seen before, to him instead of me. A man named Park Sung-ho, a year her senior. He said he was a senior in the same club. The two had grown so close that, despite being in different grades, Park Sung-ho often called out to Kim Yeo-ju. Kim Yeo-ju followed him with a flushed expression. His back was the unmistakable image of a girl in love.
The only thing that separates me is that I can't help but see that face in my dreams. And on days when I'm tossing and turning over in thoughts of you, I can't even dream of such dreams. Even though it's still early autumn, I've been awake for hours, the cold making me lose track of time. I kept thinking about you, blaming you for my incessant thoughts. Annoyingly, I blamed you for being so popular.
-
"Do men not like women like me?"
"...Suddenly? Haha"
"Just..~"
"..."
I guess something didn't work out with my senior again. I guess he's not going to come over as I wanted him to? It was a little refreshing. I felt really pathetic thinking that I was secretly happy that things weren't going well with that guy. What was it about me that made me attracted to that beast? Han Dong-min continued to find reasons why Kim Yeo-joo wouldn't be with him.
-
An unexpected event occurred for Han Dong-min, who was spending his golden weekend lying in bed. At 4 p.m., he received a call from Kim Yeo-ju.
"What are you doing"
"Are you at home?"
"Come out for a minute, I'm bored~"
"...Where?"
.
.
.
"Hi, Dongmin~"
"...what"
Han Dong-min, who had rushed out to the front of the shopping district after receiving Kim Yeo-ju's call, was standing before her, fully dressed. Had they made plans before? Kim Yeo-ju's elaborate make-up gave off a distinctly uneasy feeling. It felt like her appearance wasn't for Han Dong-min's own benefit.
"Did you have an appointment?"
"..uh hehe"
The female lead smiled awkwardly and said that she had just had a date with her senior and had a fight in the middle. She had gone all out to get dressed up, but she didn't want to come in the middle of it, so she called me out.
In the end, we had dinner together, just the two of us, at a time when it was too late to do anything else. And on the way back, at Kim Yeo-ju's request, I took a sticker photo.
"I'll take you there"
"What is it~, it's sweet~"
The female protagonist linked arms with Han Dong-min. He flinched, startled. But still, he had a sense of male pride. He pretended as if nothing had happened. Still, his mind was constantly preoccupied with the close contact between their upper bodies.
As we approached the house, Kim Yeo-ju's arm suddenly released me. "Thank you. Be careful!" I stopped in front of Kim Yeo-ju, who waved.
"Hey, Kim Yeo-ju"
"huh?"
Han Dong-min called out to Kim Yeo-ju. Yeo-ju turned around with a calm expression. What did Han Dong-min know to say that made him so bright? Dong-min hesitated for a moment, then suddenly spoke.
"...what about me"
"..what?"
"What about me, other than that person?"
Kim Yeo-ju's eyes were averted as her voice grew smaller. It was Han Dong-min's own confession, a subtle way of revealing his feelings.
"..."
After a brief silence, the heroine said, "See you tomorrow," and disappeared. She seemed to pretend not to hear. Ah.
...I said it for nothing.
As soon as he got home, Han Dong-min regretted his previous confession. As he began to realize that he liked her for no reason, his impatience only grew. He was worried that she would fall for him.
I know you like someone else, but Kim Yeo-ju doesn't push me away either. It's incredibly cruel of you to bring up that senior in front of me, knowing I like him. You pull me in as if you're about to come closer, but then when I take a step closer, you push me back even further, and I'm slammed into the wall. Do you know how I feel? I knew it was bad, but I can't help but pretend not to. I'm a fool, trapped in her fishing net, struggling like a fish. That's Han Dong-min.
.
.
.
Han Dong-min heard from someone else that Kim Yeo-ju had gotten along well with her senior. He had been following her around so closely, and it seemed she had finally succeeded. He acted calmly in front of Kim Yeo-ju, but his feelings were strained. From then on, Kim Yeo-ju's relationship advice fell to Han Dong-min.
At first, I was happy that Kim Yeo-ju would come to me when I was lonely and desolate. I was happy that I could see your face and voice one more time. Because I didn't want to let you go like this. But at some point, Kim Yeo-ju started coming to me every now and then and pouring out her worries.
"Dongmin, what do you think?"
"..."
Honestly, I was exhausted. Relationship advice from someone I like was a miserable thing. Still, Han Dong-min would jump up and down at just one phone call from Kim Yeo-ju. Kim Yeo-ju might be feeling it too. No... At this point, he should know.
“…knowing that I like you”
"..."
Dongmin let out a hollow laugh. How far will you go to trample and destroy me? Kim Yeoju, are you even aware of this? Yeoju, dumbfounded by Han Dongmin's heartbreaking confession, remains silent until she cautiously asks Dongmin.
"...How about another woman besides me?"
"..."
Han Dong-min's stomach churned again. "So what? I hope things don't work out with him. You can't love anyone else." Han Dong-min was spewing out all the words he was thinking, even though he couldn't even utter them.
"I like being friends with you too"
If only I could just be by your side... that's not good at all. I hate the way I act cool in front of the female lead, saying I won't bother her. You say you like those words, whether you know how I feel or not.
...Okay, then that's fine.
I returned home and lay down on the bed. The ground was sinking, my breathing so heavy it was utterly depressing. There was no other unrequited love like this. My friend told me to let go, but my heart clung to her.
Han Dong-min fiddled with the pitiful sticker photo on his desk. It was the photo he'd taken with Kim Yeo-ju that day. The more he looked at it, the more miserable it became. A pang of sadness welled up in his chest, a urge to throw it away.
My hand went up to the trash can. I knew I couldn't let go of that single photo...
Why am I so crazy?
I've vented my anger on the sticker photo we took together, thinking ten, a thousand times, that I've finally gone mad. Even amidst my rage, I'm still waiting for you to call, to stay by my side, to call me back.
My mind, which is filled with thoughts of you, has no intention of coming back to its senses. I looked out the window, seeing myself gradually going crazy. The rain falling outside the window was desolate. The falling raindrops felt like my heart, which was ironic. Before I knew it, it was dawn. The rain showed no signs of stopping, and I have been awake for hours in the cold. The reason I can't sleep is simple. I make excuses about you.
I keep thinking about you.
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.
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*
+) I feel like crying because I feel like Han Dong-min is just looking at Kim Yeo-joo with a sad look on his face,,,,,,
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***
Someone requested Han Dong-min's self-composed song, "I Think of You," so I brought it here.
It took a while to write, right..?
But I should have experienced unrequited love before... to know what it tastes like.
It was really hard to write haha..
So I came here to hear about the unrequited love flea.
I somehow managed to finish it quickly.
I don't know if this is the feeling you wanted when you asked for it..
(I'm sorry if this isn't how you feel, but this is the limit of my writing skills...🥲)