I woke up clutching my pounding head
In front of me, I saw the back of a man
deep asleep naked
The feel of the blanket against my skin was so vivid
I suddenly lifted the blanket to look underneath
and my body, with not a single thread on it, was exposed
With trembling hands I shook the man awake
The man turned over, his face creased in a frown
“ Lee Minho..? ”
I was too shocked to keep speaking
“ You’re up early.. ”
Minho said in a hoarse voice after barely getting out one sentence
and went back to sleep
I pinched my cheek at the absurd sight, but
unlike what I wanted, it wasn’t a dream
I calmly searched through yesterday’s memories
Then, a passing fragment of memory jolted me awake
Minho asking if I wouldn’t regret it, and
the memories of us sleeping together after that
The blurry fragments of memory fit together like a puzzle
Even with food in front of me, I just couldn’t swallow
Minho looked unbelievably calm, as if nothing had happened
As if thirsty, he grabbed water from the fridge and drank it down
then came back and sat down again
The moment Minho’s eyes turned to me
I had no choice but to look away without meaning to
I didn’t have the courage to meet those eyes that had looked at me yesterday
Again and again, the blurry memories of yesterday and
the face sitting across from me overlapped
A mix of confusion and some unidentifiable discomfort
made my stomach churn like I was about to throw up right then and there
Only the sound of dishes clinking
and no voices at all could be heard
Even the tiniest sounds of chewing and swallowing
felt painfully loud
The cold sweat streaming down my back could be felt plain as day
After the meal, I put a cigarette in my mouth and headed to the veranda
The moment I lit the cigarette, Minho followed me out
and silently stayed by my side
With the smoke blowing toward my face on the wind
I just waved it away with my hand
As the cigarette burned down red and shorter with every drag
my fingers felt a little hot
Afraid he might ask me again about yesterday’s memories
I ground out the half-finished cigarette and left
Minho, left alone on the veranda, didn’t come back right away
He stayed in the same spot, fiddling with his phone for several minutes
I took out a blouse hanging on the rack
While buttoning it up one by one, I thought
Minho probably thought what happened yesterday was a mistake, too,
and even if he didn’t, we’re friends, sohe’d probably let it go
I muttered it in my head like a spell, then shook my head
I felt like I had become a bad person
Even when I straightened my hair with the heated curling iron,
even when I applied the sparkly lip gloss to my lips
whenever I thought about what happened yesterday, I lied to myself
telling myself that Minho had probably spent the night thinking the same as me, anyway
I repeated it to myself over and over again
When I peeled my tightly pressed lips apart
the clear lip gloss stretched into a thin strand
On my way to the shoe cabinet
I ran into Minho, crouched down and tying his shoelaces
“ First period? ”
“ Ah, yeah “
He looked up at me with a face full of awkwardness
From beneath the loose sweatshirt
the red marks left behind were slightly visible
