On the way home, I stopped by a convenience store
and picked out a pudding I’d never usually even touch
and a bottle of coffee
After I got home, I took a bite of the pudding
The texture, which squished mushily the more I chewed
was like chewing slimeA soft texture and sticky sweetness
Neither liquid nor solid
After chewing down the mushy lump a few times
what I’d thought I’d swallowedsuddenly surged back up my throat
I clapped a hand over my mouth and rushed to the bathroom
and buried my face in the toilet bowl
Only after I’d thrown up everything could I finally catch my breath
To settle my churning stomach, I quickly gulped down some water, but
instead of feeling like my rinsed mouth was refreshed
it felt pretty stale
I dumped the pudding, with its spoon-shaped hollow
into the food waste bin
The fallen pudding landed with a splat and was pitifullysquashed
Lately, I’d picked up a strange habit
of searching for things related to Minho one by one
Like pudding or mint chocolate
foods that had never once gone into my mouth
I’d keep finding them and eating them regularly, or
go places I’d been to with Minho alone
I often did things that weren’t like me
Whether it was because I missed that kid,or because the empty space felt hollow
even I didn’t know
If there was one thing I’d realized
it was that my past self had depended on Minho more than I’d thought
The alleyways I hadn’t found scary felt especially dark
and whenever I had to go home alone late at night
I’d get scared at the slightest sound
Maybe that’s why, before going to sleep
I’d instinctively go into Minho’s profile again and again
At first, I wasn’t like that
but at some point, whenever I cooked, I started making enough for two
and when I set the table, I’d always put an extra pair of chopsticks opposite me
Then when I came to my senses and had to deal with the leftovers
I’d end up missing Minho for no reason
Before bed, I’d look at the photos of you I’d piled up in my gallery
and snicker to myself alone
How stupid
I pounded hard on the front door with my fist
When there was no answer from the other side
I knocked harder, and harder
“Who is it?”
I could faintly hear hurried footsteps
Soon, the front door flew open
and Minho looked me over with a startled expression
“You.. what happened to you?”
He gently brushed back my hair,
which was stuck to my face with sweat and tears
I was breathing hard
Now that Minho was right in front of me, when I tried to speak
the words I needed to say wouldn’t come out
and useless tears welled up and spilled first
“Ha.. get in, first”
