Our Youth, Twenty-Five

Ep. Maybe to you who I miss very much

Since that day in the warehouse, Subin hasn't been seen at school.
When Soobin disappeared without a word, the students would whisper and look at Yoonha with suspicion. They wondered if he had done something to Soobin. They often talked behind her back. Every time, Yoonha would bite her lip and try not to pay attention to the words coming from behind her. ... Choi Soobin, Soobin, where are you right now?

For a week, a month, months, no matter how long I waited, Subin was nowhere to be seen. I tried contacting you, but you wouldn't answer, and I even went to your house, but there was no word. Where are you now, what are you doing, are you eating well, are you doing well? If I could just hear that little bit of news from you, I would feel a little better. Why is it that no matter how much I call, you never answer?




"Where are you, Choi Soo-bin?"




At first, it was just longing and sadness. But as time passed, the longing and sadness vanished like a lie, and resentment and misunderstanding took hold.

It was around this time that I was concentrating on my studies, still keeping Choi Soo-bin in my mind as usual. The girls next to me were whispering and talking about Yoon-ha. Maybe it was because we were sitting close, but I could hear every word. They started talking about Yoon-ha and Soo-bin, and when the story about me and Soo-bin came up, I opened my ears and started listening slowly.



"Hey, did you hear what Soobin said?"



"Choi Soobin? Isn't that the kid who hasn't been to school for months?"



"Right, I heard from the teacher today where he was?"



"Oh really? Where are you?"



When it was said that he knew where Choi Soo-bin was, Yoon-ha
He put down the pencil he was diligently writing on and sat down.
He got up, approached the students sitting next to him, and asked.



"..Do you know where Choi Soo-bin is?"



The students gathered around Yoon-ha, who was asking with very stiff faces,
He seemed flustered and answered stammering.



"Why should we teach that? And, he
I told you not to tell anyone..!"



" what..? "



You told me not to tell you? Shouldn't you have told me first? I chuckled in disbelief.



"I don't want to fight with you guys in class. Tell me quickly."



He sighed quietly at the cold look he had seen for the first time and spoke in a small voice.


"..he went to study abroad."



What? The moment I first heard that, my heart sank. It felt like I'd let go of every scrap I'd been holding onto. I was already waiting for you, resenting you like this.
How could you do this to me? Was it so hard for you to tell me?

But you know what's the saddest thing? Why am I hearing about you from someone else and not from you?
I am the saddest and I resent you for leaving without saying anything.

You left me behind without saying anything and went away alone.



As winter drew to a close, Choi Soo-bin, who had been so vivid in my memory, was slowly fading away. It's already vacation time, you.
It's already been a year since you left. Time really flies. I looked up at the blue sky, smiled faintly, and pulled out the book we'd read together from my locker. Perhaps because I hadn't taken it out in so long, it was covered in dust. I dusted it off and opened the page with the bookmark stuck in it.



"A note..?"



There was a small note inside that page. Curious, I opened the note and slowly began to read the low-familiar writing inside.


'Yoon-ha, I haven't told you yet, but I like you. A lot.'


One line. It was a short sentence, but even that made Yoon-ha's hands tremble. "You said you weren't interested in me. If you didn't like me, why did you say you liked me?" Yoon-ha bit her lip, crumpled up the note in her hand, and threw it in the trash can. "You're selfish to the end, Choi Soo-bin."



"I thought I would never forget you, but now I think I can really forget you. Thank you for being with me like this, and I'm sorry. Take care, Choi Soo-bin."



I thought I'd spend all four seasons with you. Of course, I thought we'd be together forever, even after the four seasons passed. But, among those four seasons,
The only season I've been with you is winter. Starting with winter,
Winter has ended. If you ever appear before me again, let's not have any feelings, let's just go see the winter sea we've always wanted to go to. Let's really not have any feelings.

Subin, I don't want anything like love from you anymore.
I know it's hard to just ask how everyone else is doing.
But you know, I want to see you one last time. Even if it's not like before, even if it's just passing by, I want to see you just once.

Later, when the seasons pass and flowers bloom for you, I hope that you will think of me at least once.


Maybe I'll be able to forget you by the time you bloom
I don't know. Take care, bye.




Maybe this is my last goodbye to you, whom I miss so much.