09ㅣRecovering your emotions
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“Yoongi.”
"uh?"
“If you continue like this, you too might become a psychopath, so stop bullying our children.”
“…Yeah, I will.”
“Are you feeling anything right now?”
“I haven’t felt any emotions since my brother died.”
“…I see, then let’s start by finding the emotion.”
“We’re going to be together from now on, do you have any complaints?
“No, we’re just hanging out together to find feelings anyway.”
“Okay then. First, joy, second, sadness. I’ll get them back one by one.”
“You should never have the urge to kill, and from now on, you should learn to trust people.”
So we ended up walking to school together the next day, and the kids just assumed I was being bullied. But when I approached Yoongi first and he calmly talked to me, the other kids were quite surprised, and I was delighted to see that.
“Don’t think about old times, erase them from your memory.”
“I won’t do it. They were people who had no affection to begin with.”
“Smile a little, you look pretty when you smile.”
“You look prettier when you smile too.”
Suddenly, Yoongi's gaze suddenly surged through me, making my face flush with heat and my heart race. I fanned myself with my hand, avoiding his gaze. Yoongi frowned, perhaps uncomfortable with his gaze.
“Why are you avoiding my eyes, you hate me?”
“No… that’s not it, it’s just.”
“Don’t hate me, you may not like me for the things I’ve done… but you’re the only one who trusts me.”
“I don’t want to lose you either, and I don’t want to lose anyone around me either.”
Yoongi was a person with a deeper inner self than most. Even though it didn't seem like it, he had many deep, deep wounds inside. Perhaps because he'd experienced so much hardship as a child, he tended to try to take responsibility for everything, but he was also a truly good person.
The people around Yoongi were bad. It was never Yoongi's fault. He was simply trying to survive and making decisions. In this way, Yoongi gradually strived to live a normal life.
I tried to live the life of the real Min Yoongi, not a fake psychopath, not a fake Min Yoongi. He was someone else's life, someone else's identity, but Yoongi was just Yoongi. He was a person who didn't exist in the world—without a name, parents, family, or friends—but he existed in my heart. The real Min Yoongi, not a Min Yoongi living someone else's life.
“Oh, is your palm okay?”
“Are you worried about me right now?”
“… It’s not like that, I just wanted to see it.”
“How do you feel now?”
“… Something hurts in my chest, it feels empty.”
“I just hope you don’t get sick.”
“As expected, your expressiveness is good, that’s what I’m worried about.”
“…Is that so?”
“By any chance, when was the last time you shed tears?”
“When my brother died, I was so scared that I cried.”
“I couldn’t believe I killed my brother, my whole body ached, and I felt lost.”
“… You’ve worked hard, Min Yoongi.”
“But you came to school as a brother, right?”
“Uh… that’s right.”
“Then isn’t he my younger brother?”
"… maybe."
“Hey… do you want to die? Call me Unnie.”
“Oh, no.”
“I’ve always spoken informally to you, but why are you suddenly talking about your older sister?”
“Huh, you’re so young and nameless, you’re being annoying.”
"… wound."
“Oh, sorry. I blurted that out without thinking.”
“Huh? You laughed!”
“I guess this is happiness, it feels good.”
The small things are the greatest happiness. Yoongi had never experienced such a simple conversation before, and he had experienced it himself. Always isolated and lonely, he must have felt happy to finally be able to talk to someone who believed in him and whom he trusted. And so, Yoongi gradually regained his emotions.