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02_Dead Life
She was floating in the river. People just glanced at her as if they saw something they couldn't bear to see, but no one helped. I was so shocked that I didn't even pick up my phone. When I asked to borrow my phone, people looked at me with contempt. They must have thought they were going to call an ambulance because of that dead woman. Sometimes, I hear things like, '‘I didn’t know when that girl would die, but it’s a good thing she’s dead now.’, ‘Oh, I couldn’t see her because her eyes were scary. Haha, are you a coward?’I was annoyed by these words and such, but now I'm afraid of people. If I stay any longer, I might collapse from phobia. At that moment, a sentence flashed through my mind.
“I want to be a strong man who can protect you!”
Suddenly, I said that but I didn't actually accomplish anything. I couldn't say that I hated her like this. I was a useless person with all the resources. Even my family abandoned her, but she meant a lot to me. But she died so cruelly in front of my eyes. Even though my heart is weak, I couldn't get close to her. Even if my heart is weak.. I regret not getting close to her. She is mine..my only one.. The more I think about it, the more I remember talking to her in the past.
“Seokjin, don’t forget me..”
“I will never forget you!! How could I forget you?”
“How old are we?”
“I’m 20 now.”
“Snickers) It’s time for us to leave now.”
“??? What are you talking about!!”
Ah, I remember up to here. Seriously, every time I think about it, it stops in the middle. Even if I'm curious about what happens next, it doesn't come out for more than a week. Sometimes, it takes two or three weeks for it to come out. The time I talked to her. I've never turned over my fortune. Ah, even now, when I think about the old days, I keep wondering if there's anything that makes her come back. Ah, I miss her. She wasn't abandoned by her parents like me, but she doesn't have parents. It's not like she was raised well by distant relatives either. She was always abused.‘You’re nothing’, ‘You should never have been born in the first place’, ‘Because of you, I have to feed my children and all my money will be gone’, ‘Why don’t you just go out and beg? LOL’, ‘You should have just died to save my money’, ‘I understand why your father abandoned you lol’, ‘Starve again today’.
I grew up hearing only such things. What a mess they raised her to be. She was so pretty. She had white skin, and someone must have taken care of her, fed her well, raised her well, and seemed to have good manners. But people only judge by appearances and don't think to look inside. And yet, how much do they pretend to know?
Pathetic, really.
Completed on February 17, 2021