Sentinel Phobia
The story of Yeo-ju's past, as told to him by Seok-jin, was utterly horrific. What is this feeling Jeong-guk is feeling right now? Yes, disgust. It was a mixture of guilt—for not only hating an innocent child without knowing anything, but also harming her—and self-hatred.
On the other hand, anger welled up in him. Having never experienced either domestic violence or child abuse, Jeong-guk couldn't understand her father. No matter how much he loved his lover, the child was the last remaining bloodline he had. To treat her like this was truly foolish.
But Jeongguk refused to feel the pity welling up within him. Perhaps because he knew in this situation, pity would be more painful. He tried to avoid even the expressions "pity" and "sorry" for her, leaving only two emotions: anger toward her father and disgust toward himself.
"..Brother. I can't be forgiven, right?.. "
Although Jungkook was blinded by jealousy, his heart remained the same. Perhaps it was because he entered the center at a young age and wasn't raised in the arms of his parents that he was immature and lacked the ability to understand others' emotions. He simply recognized his own emotions and acted on them, only to regret it later.
Even if they formed a team and had older brothers, what good was that? They were separated from their parents, who should have taught them the most basic social skills. In fact, most of the Sentinels and Guides themselves had been brought in at a young age and had grown up away from their parents. Considering this, the center's training center was largely led by Kyungsoo. However, Jungkook, with his strong pride and shyness, couldn't possibly listen obediently to the center's orders.
When Jungkook first came in, he was five years old. He'd always been a whiner, refusing to go to kindergarten, and his parents were worried about how he'd fare in society. They sent him to the center, which promised to provide education from kindergarten through elementary, middle, and high school. Until then, even Jungkook's parents hadn't known.
I wonder if Jungkook won't be able to leave the center.
They'd assumed it was just like any other boarding school, with Jungkook coming home on weekends and staying at the center during the week. But after weeks of no return visits, Jungkook's parents were so shocked that they nearly collapsed, clutching the back of their necks.
"Why can't our Jungkook come out?"
"Because it's a sentinel."
"No matter what, shouldn't I send you home on the weekends?"
"Even anti-government forces work seven days a week. They're just fighting the bad guys. Why give them a day off when they're so tired?"
"What did you say?"
"Am I wrong? I don't like seeing people brag about their abilities, but you're asking me to give them a holiday too? That's unconscionable."
" hey!! "
"If you're done with your business, why don't you go?"
"If it was going to be like this, I wouldn't have sent my son here!! Give him back!! Send my son back!! "
"Ah... haha... this lady is really hitting the nail on the head."
"What?"
"Do you know how much tax the Sentinel takes every month while playing hero at the center? You should be grateful that they even took that money. What kind of nuisance is this?"
With just one word, "Take her away," the center's security guards dragged Jungkook's mother away, and after seeing that, Jungkook became shy and skipped kindergarten every day.
Lying in bed, he would eat a few spoonfuls of food and leave the rest behind, and he skipped breakfast and dinner every day. The center, unable to bear it any longer, forced him to eat, barely managing to get by on one or two meals. Because he ate far less than most people, his meals were incredibly nutritious. He was determined to pack as much nutrition into the smallest possible portion.
It was thanks to his older brothers that Jeong-guk, who had been struggling to survive day by day, was able to breathe a sigh of relief.
He had been reluctant to see anyone, regardless of age or gender, whether they were sentinels, guides, or ordinary people. While he was sound asleep, the center staff would sneak in and inject him with IV fluids. He barely managed to survive until he showed up at the elementary school entrance ceremony. He was determined that this wouldn't work.
The children who saw Jeongguk being alone and unable to adapt to the bustling crowd of people approached him little by little, but Jeongguk, who was still awkward with interpersonal relationships, had no choice but to push him away, and the children who were upset by this left one by one.
Growing up alone like that, Jeongguk's personality was bound to become twisted, and he gradually became a problem child.
He skipped school like it was nothing, wondering if what he was doing was wrong, why it was wrong, why he couldn't make friends. It was his older brothers who stopped him as his inner self became increasingly twisted.
Initially wary, his mind gradually relaxed, and before he knew it, they had become quite close. Before he knew it, they had entered deep into his heart. They were already family to him, perhaps even more.
In Jeongguk's heart, there were always only the seven of them, including his hyungs and Heeyeon. And now, with Yeoju, a total of eight people filled that heart.
-
I felt sorry for my younger brother, who was noticeably apologetic and sullen. No matter how long I'd known him and how much he'd hurt the precious Yeoju, Jungkook was also a teammate I'd worked with for years, a precious younger brother, and Seokjin knew his story was just as pitiful as Yeoju's, so I couldn't just throw him away.
"Jungkook."
" yes?.. "
"As I said, Yeoju is my precious younger sister whom I have watched over since I was little."
" ..... "
Jungkook lowered his head at Seokjin's words. It was a small trauma for Jungkook. Most of the people at the center had been around each other since childhood, and newcomers often showed interest and care for each other, becoming close. Bullying was rare in such a center. Even with a ranking system, there were plenty of people at the lower ranks, so everyone got along well.
But Jungkook wasn't like that. The only acquaintances and close friends he had were teammates. So, if the members showed interest in anyone other than himself, Jungkook would be wary and cautious. If he felt they were favoring someone more than him, he'd become unnecessarily anxious, lower his head, and leave without even bothering to listen.
When his worried older brothers asked him what was wrong, he'd return to his shy self, shaking his head and retreating to his room. When his older brothers, clueless as to what was happening, heard him say he hated it when others preferred him over himself, they worried and even took him to a psychiatric hospital. The result: a lack of affection stemming from obsession and relationship trauma. If this worsens, it can lead to panic disorder in certain cases.
From then on, the members prioritized Jungkook, and whenever he did something, they would call out our youngest, Woojjujju.
"Jeon Jungkook. Listen until the end."
"I think I'm a little thirsty."
"Jungkook."
"...Hyung, I'm a little tired. Let's talk again next time."
" jungkook jeon. "
" good night. "
"I told you to stop."
The footsteps heading towards the door were stopped by Seokjin's cold voice.
"Are you saying that because you don't know it's 2 o'clock now?"
" ah.. "
Yes. The time Yeoju was taken away was early morning. By the time Seokjin returned to his dorm, it was just before lunchtime. It seemed like he'd been talking to Jungkook for a long time, but in reality, it only lasted about an hour at most.
"Listen till the end, Jungkook."
" ...yes. "
"It's true that the heroine is really precious to me."
" ...... "
Jeongguk, who had no excuse to escape, lowered his head and only teased his poor fingers.
"That doesn't mean you aren't precious."
" ...... "
"They are both precious younger siblings to me, and they are younger siblings that I will take care of."
" ...You hate me now."
"Why do you think so?"
"Because I... tormented the female protagonist... now you don't want people like me."
"As I said before, you are my precious little brother too, Jeongguk. Of course, the fact that you bullied Yeoju doesn't change."
" ...... "
"But if you've reflected enough and know what you did wrong, that's enough. Whether you forgive me or not is up to you, not me. Also, if that's the reason I was going to distance myself from you, I would have done so a long time ago. Why would I still be with you?"
"Still, Yeoju is a precious younger sister to her older brother."
"You too."
" yes?... "
"You are also a precious younger sibling."
" ...But I don't like it anymore.. "
"Why do you think so?"
"Well... I've known the female lead longer than you... and I'm a bad person..."
As Jeongguk, who was squirming and speaking with a slump, lost his composure, Seokjin wiped away his bright smile and sighed deeply. He had finally realized Jeongguk's condition, and had finally conveyed his true feelings, only to find that his self-esteem had already plummeted to its lowest point.
"Why are you a bad person? You're a good person."
"...Lies. Do you know that everyone except you think I'm bad? "
"What? Who said that?"
" ...people."
Oh, no. I never thought this young kid would handle something like that on his own. In fact, Seokjin knew that Jungkook was an outcast at the center. The constant whispers directed at him wherever he went were unpleasant. He was already annoyed, and once, he exploded at the whispers directed at Jungkook after he'd made a mistake.
The constant nagging had reached a climax. It wasn't a minor mistake, but it was one we'd all made at least once. It was just a mistake. A mere graze had been aimed wrong, resulting in significant damage. The gaze directed at Jeong-guk was so intense it was almost unpleasant.
"Did you hear about Jeon Jungkook?"
"Of course! Isn't that crazy?"
"That rebel's nerves were damaged and he had to live with a cripple in his legs."
"Wow, really? Are you crazy?"
"What I'm saying is."
"It's fucking noisy."
"Uh, what.. "
"Are other people's stories that interesting? Who would think that anyone can live without making mistakes?"
They were the ones who had been verbally abused by Seokjin that day, and I thought they had become quiet since I hadn't heard a word from them since then, but it wasn't like that. They were just being careful in front of me, and it seemed like they said everything they could say or not in front of Jeongguk.
" ...Fuck."
It was a moment when the life force that had been killing and living for a while once again sparkled in his eyes.