Jeon Jungkook was kind. Strictly speaking, he wasn't a bad person, so he could only be described as kind. Above all, he was well-liked by those around him. Of course, external factors played a significant role, but his true nature lay in his easygoing and affectionate personality. He was always smiling brightly at others. He even smiled more often at those close to him. Five years ago, I thought, "Isn't this setting the stage for me to fall in love with him?"
What I said earlier ties in with the fact that my tearful, one-way crush on him has been going on for five years. The title of "childhood friend" was terribly intrusive. It made it impossible to push forward or break off the relationship. To make matters worse, Jeon Jungkook didn't know how much my friend's temper was burning with each passing day. He still picks me up at my house at eight in the morning, pulls a lemon candy out of his pocket, and hands it to me.
“Okay, I need to recharge my vitamins.”
The innocent face with plump, baby fat gently rising is another harmful factor. It makes the confessions I promise every night turn into bubbles. I like you. I like you. I... a lot. The confidence that blossomed under the blankets all night easily withered. Strangely, I would sometimes break down in front of Jeon Jungkook.
"··· thank you."
I desperately want you to understand, but I can't find the words.
Jeon Jungkook doesn't know. He didn't know that his friend of ten years was secretly harboring feelings for me. Thanks to that guy who was always oblivious, my unrequited love was barely hanging on. Although he had a kind personality, Jeon Jungkook was always abusing his bad skinship. Even now, look at him grabbing my hand. The warmth between our fingers spread his presence without the slightest consideration. From my hand to my shoulder, from my shoulder to the nape of my neck, and from the nape of my neck to my cheek. The heat that never dries on my face is all Jeon Jungkook's fault.
“Hey, but... let go.”
Why do you keep sticking to me when it's hot? I smiled nonchalantly and pulled my hand away. He stared blankly at my right hand, which had lost its weight. He raised his head sharply. Judging by his pursed lips, he seemed quite regretful. I can't even hold hands with my friend, I'm so upset. There was one fatal flaw in those words. Who would dare hold hands with friends? The sharp criticism couldn't come out, only to torment me inside. Those gentle eyes, completely unaware of the suffering brewing inside, turned in my direction. I cast my gaze down on the ground for no reason. Jeon Jungkook is indifferent.
“But why is your face so red?”
"···."
"Where does it hurt?"
Sometimes to the point of being downright cruel.
There was something between them that one side could call bad blood and the other could call fate. Growing up, I was praised for my boldness by the adults around me, and as I grew up, my liver became smaller than a bean. The reason was always Jeon Jungkook, Jeon Jungkook, Jeon Jungkook. Love was a secret emotional labor. Yesterday, I felt like I had to show it at all costs, but today, my heart ached at the thought that if I broke up with him, I wouldn't be able to be by his side even as a friend. More than anything, Jeon Jungkook, who would never know this agony. I hate him the most. He never thinks of leaving my side for a moment, and he must believe that we are meant to be. Probably... the best friends of the century. But I disagree.
“What are you looking at that makes you laugh so much?”
“Oh, Sohee from the class next door. She said we should meet this weekend.”
“··· Hey, have fun.”
“Do you want to go too?”
This is clearly, utterly, a terrible fate. Jeon Jungkook's question was innocent. That's why it's a problem. Come to think of it, it'd be awkward if the two of you met. Let's go together. There was a strange glint in their eyes as they met, as if they were harboring some kind of expectation. Jeon Jungkook needs to know. You just mentioned the name of a girl you've been seeing in front of me for five years, and to top it off, you declared a date with her, and you hatched a truly heinous plan to involve me in that date. I sighed.
"no."
"Oh, why-"
“I think what he wants is to be alone with you. How about taking me with him?”
“Sohee knows you’re my friend. You wouldn’t even care, would you?”
"···."
Words blurted out can become daggers. Jeon Jungkook, as if my heart were a target, would innocently sling his wounds. His childhood friend, Jeong Yeo-ju, had never deviated from her role in the past ten years, so she wasn't much of a restraint to the girls around her. My chewed mouth endured the pain. Perhaps it was my whim that I'd exploited the label of friend so well, only to feign hurt at times like this. Even when I tried to blame him, I was always the one who took the blame. I was weak to Jeon Jungkook. I couldn't easily confront him in front of his gentle eyes. It had been that way for quite some time, and it never would be again.
"Are you going to go?"
It is expected to become even weaker.