- "Sorry, I don't want you to shine."
I grew up like a rich girlI just knew the road ahead was open to me.Taehyung, sitting next to me, was almost done choosing a university hospital when I decided to go there too. Interning at a hospital isn't a lucrative career.
"Are you going? Here."
"Maybe it would be better to go with you."
The thought of working at the same job as my boyfriend was quite exciting. It was around lunchtime, like any other day, when I received the call. I was playing with my dog at my boyfriend's house when the phone rang. I foolishly assumed my mom would ask about my future career path.
"Yeah, Mom. What's going on?"
"....My lady."
"What's going on, Mom?"
"My father passed away."
".......What are you talking about, why is our healthy dad. lying?"
"...Come here quickly, I'll send you the address."
"Wait a minute...!"
My father passed away in a car accident. The taxi driver, who was on his way to work, was drunk. My father was in the front seat and collided with the car in front of him, killing him. After about a month, my depression subsided more than I expected. Come to think of it, we weren't meant to be like this. My father's death—I feel a little bad saying this—means we no longer have any income. I was at the university hospital.The money I could earn from interning was not enough.
This was a new experience for me, so I was even more flustered and confused. Having never experienced anything like this before, I was so stressed out for two weeks that I couldn't do anything.
"Honey, are you okay? Does anything hurt?"
"Ah.., yeah.. sorry. My head hurts a bit these days.."
I first discovered you, the one who lets you go out and play without any worries.
'Ah, we've been spending money without any worries until now.'
We had enough money to live off of for about a year. But knowing it would be gone in a year, I couldn't choose an internship. It was a decision I'd made after much deliberation, but I hesitated to tell Taehyung. I wondered what he would think of me.
"Taehyung, you know... "
"Yeah, why?"
"I... don't think I can go to the hospital."
"....uh?"
It was difficult to explain the whole story. I even wondered if he would continue to see me. But fortunately, Taehyung comforted me, saying, "....I see. You must have had a lot of worries... You worked hard." From then on, I started to worry about what to do with Taehyung.
After that, Taehyung continued to rise higher and higher, and I continued to hover in the same spot. I felt sorry for all the things I occasionally received from Taehyung, and it became burdensome. Taehyung, you already seemed like such a different person from me. He kept comparing us, saying, 'When I'm having a hard time, you're probably doing what you want in a comfortable hospital, right?' 'When I earn this much, how many times more do you think you earn?'
And so another year passed. Thinking back, I began to worry that being by your side like this might actually be a nuisance to your life. Ultimately, I, who had promised to be with you forever, decided to break up with you. I called him to a restaurant we had always frequented and said goodbye.
With the yellow roses from that restaurant.
"Taehyung, I'm sorry. I don't think you want to shine. Thank you for being with me, despite my shortcomings, until now."
Maybe I didn't realize it then. I had actually wished you success, but I had decided to break up with you simply because I looked so pathetic.It's not that I didn't want you to shine.
I loved you.
*Red Rose: Eternal Love
Yellow rose: jealousy, love