Down
Bright red blood on the white keyboard.
Written by Malranggong.
*The material for this article was kindly provided by LOYA-S.
*Please note that this article contains scenes of suicide.
Choi A-yoon, eighteen. She was abandoned by the world at a young age, and she abandoned it. The world was too harsh for her to endure at eighteen. If only the world had embraced her a little more, wouldn't her ending have been different?
A dark dawn breaks. Jimin had been to Ayoon's funeral after hearing the news late. The memory of coming home after attending her funeral and crying his eyes out still lingers in his mind. He cried until dawn and finally fell asleep. Part of the crying was from the sadness of Ayoon's death, but for some reason, he also cried from guilt. The fact that he had misunderstood and disliked Ayoon all this time, yet Ayoon, unaware of this, had always been so kind to him. Jimin felt sorry for it all. He felt guilty. He hated himself.
Jimin barely opened his swollen eyes from crying so much in the early morning and headed to school. The sobs of many children could be heard at school. Even though the world had abandoned Ah-yoon, her friends had never abandoned her. As soon as Jimin entered the classroom, he went straight to her locker. Some of them were to help her organize things, and others were because he missed her so much and wanted to remember her with something she had left behind. Jimin carefully opened Ah-yoon's locker. Then, the scent of roses, Ah-yoon's favorite, wafted out. The same rose scent that came from Ah-yoon's arms. Jimin felt like crying at the thought of Ah-yoon, but he held it back, not wanting to cry in a place with so many children.
“This is…?”
What immediately caught Jimin's eye was a sheet of sheet music and lyrics. The title was blank. Jimin questioned the blankness of the title, but he slowly read the lyrics. The lyrics were about loving someone, missing them, and being thankful for their salvation. After reading all the lyrics, Jimin looked again at the empty space where the title should have been. Then, he faintly saw some letters, as if erased, leaving only a mark. Jimin recited the title, however faintly visible. To Jimin. At that moment, the tears he had been holding back until just a moment ago poured out. Ah-yoon loved Jimin. Ah-yoon missed Jimin. Ah-yoon thought of Jimin as her savior. Jimin was unaware of Ah-yoon's feelings, busy hating her.
Even as he cried so hard he couldn't breathe properly, Jimin found her diary. He happened to open a page and found a detailed account of the domestic violence she'd suffered. He wanted to forget that day, but so he wouldn't. So he could definitely report it later. Until then, Ayoon wanted to live. He'd thought the world hadn't abandoned him yet. But after realizing the world had abandoned him, Ayoon fell into despair and stopped writing in his diary. The world had already abandoned him, so what's the point of keeping a steady record? Ayoon thought.
Months passed. Jimin's emotions festered, seemingly dulled. Jimin, holding onto Ah-yoon's diary, sued her mother. Naturally, the ending was bitter. The diary was useless, he argued, and the body was already cremated, so an autopsy wasn't possible. It was just as Jimin had predicted. The world had abandoned them, just as it should have. Jimin completed a song, adding the words he wanted to say to Ah-yoon to the lyrics Ah-yoon had left behind. It was a collaboration between Ah-yoon and Jimin. Jimin played the song, missing Ah-yoon. People heard it and missed Ah-yoon. And they pitied Jimin. Jimin played the song he and Ah-yoon had written countless times. But none of those dozens of performances reached Ah-yoon. It was only natural. Ah-yoon had been abandoned by the world and had abandoned it. At that moment, Jimin stopped playing. Then he thought, I will resonate with Ah-yoon.
Bright red blood on the white keyboard_End.