In the alley, where a deep darkness had descended, spring snow was falling, melting as soon as it touched the ground. The streetlights, already on, brightly illuminated the area beneath, and only white smoke puffed from my cold lips. Seokjin and I stared at each other, our cheeks flushed, our small hands clasped tightly in our pockets. His eyes still sparkled, but he seemed to be deep in thought.
Seokjin
“It’s very cold. Wear a scarf.”
Yeoju
“…You take good care of yourself..”
Another silence fell. Our summer was gone, and winter was fading. I was convinced that if we just endured this winter, a warmer spring would come, but we'd endured two such winters. Seokjin's worried tone brought tears to my eyes for no reason.
“Can’t we just…just not break up?”
It was my last desperate attempt that broke the silence. The tears that wouldn't stop.
The temperature kept rising, and the falling snow melted onto my cheeks as soon as it touched them. The melted snow poured out again as tears. Seokjin couldn't comfort me or even face me.
Seokjin
"You know too... We're not a good match, but we brought this here."
"We've had a hard time, haven't we?"
Seokjin's every word tightened my grip. My throat felt like it was going to close at any moment, and my heart ached. Seokjin's cold words were the most painful of the past two years.
"We're too young to understand that we're different. We..."
"You can meet someone better. Someone who understands you better than I do."
There is absolutely no such thing as a good breakup in this world. Loving until the breakup isn't a good breakup, it's 'resignation.' Knowing that it won't work no matter how much you try, and yet continuing to do it until the end—that's 'resignation.' Seokjin and I are now standing before resignation. The streetlights kept blinking, as if sympathizing with our resignation. The streetlights, too, must have found it difficult, and they finally went out with a click.
Yeoju
“Are you doing this because you don’t love me..?”
Seokjin
“I like it, I like it very much, but no more… no more
“The future is not drawn”
I'd heard someone say that if someone feels like they're being eaten, it's over, and that they have no future. I couldn't help but agree with him. There was no way I could change his mind.
Yeoju
“You were my first twenty years old, and I’ve changed so much.”
Seokjin
“I thought everything you did was love.. because you were my first love.”
Yeoju
"So, was it okay? Twenty with me."
Just then, just once, just once, Seokjin's eyes sparkled. They were the second time I'd seen them in all the days I'd spent with him. The first time, on the day we first rebelled against the world, was when we first met.
Yeoju
“Is this what you wanted to do? Do you like it that much?”
Seokjin
"Yeah! I really wanted to skip school and try some tteokbokki at the tteokbokki place in front of the school."
“I’m so happy right now, so so so good!”
I remembered someone eating tteokbokki, smiling like a child, perhaps oblivious to the tteokbokki sauce on their lips. Back then, his eyes were the same as they are today.
“Yeah, I’m so glad that my twenties, my first love was you.
It was so good... so, so good"
Meeting Seokjin was hot and painful. It was so hot that I didn't even realize I was burning up, and the days passed without me even realizing I was in pain. But I don't think I'll ever know. It was more about that than me being in pain.I shouldn't be sick because there must have been more days when my teeth hurt.
"Thank you, you who supported my youth and loved me."