[Short Story] Romantic Sorrow - [Short Story Collection] Like the petals in the wind

© 연월 2020 All rights reserved.

Photographic source KIMPIT.

Romantic sorrow

written by 연월

What is done by love
Always transcends good and evil.

-Friedrich Nietzsche

Everyone becomes a monster in front of money. They crumble and are decimated without end. Taehyung's eyes, filled with passion, held a shadow as he mopped the floor with a mop. The unimaginable sorrow that would ensue. Taehyung, needing money for his younger brother's surgery, struggled to find the money, no matter what. By day, he washed dishes in a run-down restaurant, and by night, he offered his body. On the rare occasions when he was dragged to a club by bad luck, he'd forcefully drink wine, tugging at his pants, and tremble. His money grew in proportion to his enjoyment, but Taehyung remained unsatisfied. Even if a bullet pierced his skull and shattered his brain, he was confident he'd offer money. His younger brother's condition was worsening. His mother could no longer support him, and his father had abandoned him. Now, he had no one else to trust and rely on.

Taehyung had heard a lot since he was young that he had a strong sense of responsibility, so it wasn't that difficult for him to gain trust by sacrificing his meager pride. People are opportunistic creatures. They will do anything to gain their own benefit. In fact, I thought it was all true. Everyone shouts love in front of money, but the definition of love is not an abstract entity mixed with sincerity, but rather words spit out with spit to fill one's stomach more. I guess that's why people use the verb 'love' more than any other word. Because no matter how you look at it, it looks sweet and precious. Even if it's completely empty inside, if you just paint over the outside, it looks perfect. Taehyung, who was lost in thought for a moment, hit his knee at the moment an idea suddenly came to mind. Love. The method Taehyung chose was to drive me to the extreme.

Finding love was easier than he'd thought. The world was full of aspirational beings yearning for love. Contradictory words, often uttered with contradiction, defined a significant impact. Taehyung was once entangled in a tangle of thorns, forced to shove, and crumbled. He wore his hair slicked back and dangling luxury goods. He imitated the lifestyles of those who supported the wealthy, and lived swayed by an inexplicable sense of inferiority. Yoongi was like that. Young-ah, who never once looked down at the abyss, only forged ahead. From their first meeting, she was dazzling. Her very being was radiant. Her pale face, untouched by shadows, oozed guilt, barely able to escape. The sight of her driving a luxury imported car and flicking her pinky-tips was enough to captivate Taehyung's eyes. As those cold eyes passed before him, Taehyung squeezed his eyes shut. He felt he couldn't let her go. Perhaps this man, this flashy appearance, this lonely overdose, could pay for my brother's medical expenses, so I reached out and grabbed the wrist wrapped around the luxury watch. It wasn't unfamiliar to me to be falling apart. To survive, I had to let myself go further and become numb to my emotions. I felt Yoongi's gaze gradually turn to the tightly held gaze. The dry question, "Why?" pierced through his elegant lips and pierced Taehyung's heart. "Could you help me?" Yoongi's eyes furrowed at Taehyung's words, chuckling. "Who are you?" I knew you'd react like that. I strained my voice as desperately as I could, tightening my grip. Yoongi's eyebrows, never a generous spouse, furrowed deeply, but Taehyung wouldn't let go. "I want to end this life. I hate this shabby life where I have to flirt and act all nice just to live well." Tears welled up in his eyes. In front of this man, a complete stranger, I shed tears. After getting a scolding for secretly drinking, my rented room, surviving off my part-time job, had come to an end. And after I was called rude for smirking under the twinkling lights, my financial struggles had come to a screeching halt. I couldn't take it anymore. Taehyung choked out stammered syllables as resentment welled up inside him. Where had the supposedly most brilliant sunbeam gone, leaving only a extinguished lump in the dirt? It would have been better if it were all a fantasy. Yoongi, who had been staring blankly into space for a moment, glared at Taehyung with a cold gaze before gesturing toward me. "Can you handle this?" Taehyung nodded at Yoongi's sharp, almost piercing words. A faint, pale smile graced his lips as he was loaded into the car. He didn't even know where he was going, but he felt at ease. A feeling of shame.

Who are you?

yunki min.

"Ah," Taehyung swallowed a small sound. "I'm... Kim Taehyung." "But where are we going?" Taehyung asked, looking at the scenery beside the speeding car. "Where should we go?" Yoongi's still stiff, sharp voice made him flinch. "I wonder if he even has any emotions." He opened the window, his neck itching from the tightness. The strong wind was hitting his ears so hard that he couldn't even utter a proper sentence, but Yoongi understood everything and answered back. "I was so embarrassed earlier. Uh. Really. I'm really sorry. If you're sorry, then get out. Huh? Don't you know what a good deed is? I know..." Yoongi swallowed hard and buried his words. He couldn't bring himself to say that he brought you here because he thought you were cute when you cried. He turned the steering wheel sharply. "Huh!" His wide eyes were reflected in the rearview mirror. "This is going to be fun."

After laying Taehyung down on the living room sofa, Yoongi came into the room and quietly closed the door. Red lights were dotted around the black background, and various guns and knives were lined up in an orderly manner. He furrowed his eyebrows slightly. He stared at the business card that said “SG Organization Min Yoongi” for a long time. I was already bored, so should I just quit? According to the boss’s orders, I have to point a gun at one person’s head by midnight today. He picked up the sleekest and lightest-looking gun among the weapons lined up and hid it under his suit. He could hear Taehyung shuffling outside the door. He squeezed all his emotions into his clenched hands and opened the door.

Where are you going?

Taehyung asked in a half-asleep tone. "There is, don't worry about it." Yoongi, who had accepted the offer dryly, roughly handed him his shoes and put them on. Always, always, in everything, at every moment, a cold-hearted person. A cruel tuner with no empathy or distinction between public and private. These were the adjectives used to describe Yoongi. Few things are innate in this world. Yoongi probably wasn't born numb to life. Even when he was hit by a truck that had derailed and hurtled down the road, his body tumbling, his head slamming into the hard asphalt, he felt no bitterness. Perhaps he hoped to end up like his father, who had crashed into a large truck while drunk and disappeared onto the edge of a cliff. He had no fear of death. There was no reason to revive and prolong his life, and the preciousness of time, the preciousness of life, seemed more poignant than the futility of elimination. The world Yoongi's starless eyes filled with beggars, begging for money using death as collateral. That's why he found it amusing. I wanted to meet someone like myself, standing precariously on the border between life and death, and take their own life.

Are you ready to work hard?

Yeah, well.

On his first day at SG, Yoongi's task was to gather up the horrific wreckage and haul it outside. A shard of broken glass was lodged between his slender waistband, oozing bright red blood from the torn wound. Unable to empathize with the pain, Yoongi nervously tossed off his black leather gloves, dabbed the wound with his hand, and then rubbed it against his trouser leg. The blood-soaked crevice seemed impervious to healing. Hot breaths, lingering in the air, seemed to tickle and mock his own inner self. Suddenly, a door opened behind him, and a scolding voice, asking what he was doing, could be heard. It was Kim Seokjin, the sniper in charge of healing at SG. Yoongi's reflection saw Seokjin, his face twisted and heaving. "You're bleeding. Be careful!" Yoon-ki's eyes, which had been motionless, opened slightly at the sight of him hurriedly bringing the first aid kit, taking out a bandage, and applying medicine.

I am,

There is no need for this kind of protection

I'm just an idiot.

I have no feelings and I don't know much

He is just the most unfortunate child.

Even if there is blood

Not sick

Even if tears flow

Not sad

He's just a dead human.

What the hell are you talking about?

A kid like me

Are you worried?

At that moment, his heart raced for the first time. The mechanical routine, which had been operating as programmed and planned, changed. His father and mother cherished and loved Yoongi, their only child. It truly seemed that way. But Yoongi couldn't help but realize that their love wasn't genuine. To others, his parents, eager to praise Yoongi in front of countless people, seemed endlessly warm and kind. But to Yoongi, who had to silently endure it all, it was nothing more than pretense and goodwill. It was simply disgusting. The sight of him enjoying everything as if he had a son of his own, as if he were his own authority. The cold words he heard when he returned home after a noisy family event. It stung like a dagger. Blood, that hot fluid, was already spreading throughout his body. Of course, it didn't hurt. As he began to bury it, his body, weakened to the point of weakness, absorbed all the pain, leaving him numb. His body felt faint, and even when he woke up, it still felt like a dream.

If you ask me if I believe in something called love, I would say I absolutely do not. To Yoongi, love was a terrible series of events. The daily lives that were forced upon him under the command to love, the words that it was beautiful because he loved him, no, all of the situations. They made a mess of Yoongi. The words “I love you, my son,” that would ring out instead of the alarm in the morning, and the words “I’m doing this because I love you,” that his father would say with a witty tone, recording every little thing that happened at school. What on earth is love? Yoongi could not understand how this word that doesn’t make his heart race or make him feel good could be so precious that he would say “I love you” before his own name. There was no romance like love for Yoongi. The shards of glass at his feet were simply pink.

Pieces of glass

It's pink

That was it.

Huh...!

yunki min.

Ugh...

Hey, wake up. Where does it hurt?

Yoongi suddenly came to his senses and stood up at the sound of a voice shouting, shaking his body. Ah, it's okay. He felt his body temperature gradually decrease from the bitter cold blowing in through the window, and he touched his empty neck for no reason. Are you cold? A little. Then hold this. The hot pack Seokjin was holding was put into Yoongi's pocket, and at that moment, his hand touched it. The warmth seemed to melt away the cold feeling. Seokjin asked again if he was okay, checking his hand for fever. When he heard a call coming from the radio, he patted Yoongi on the back and walked in the opposite direction. Just as Seokjin hurriedly opened the door and was about to leave, their hands met again. Yoongi grabbed Seokjin's wrist and stopped him. Why? I have to go first. Finish what you have to do. No. Seokjin's eyes were wide and Yoongi was deeply moved by the depth of his nagging. Can you hold his hand just one more time?

What?

Anyone could tell that Yoongi's frown was evident, and a look of annoyance was spreading across his face. But Yoongi's resolve was also firm. The warmth he felt for the first time in his life was quite unfamiliar, but what should I say... he kept feeling ticklish. Ah, I don't know. The words that were blurted out without any context were enough to fluster Seokjin. Hyung. Huh?? I hurt my back earlier, right? It still seems to hurt. Could you look at it for a second? I can't move. Oh, but I'm being paged... Hyung, Seokjin-hyung. Please. Hey... You. If I can't use my body, who's going to move the glass shards? I'll explain it to the boss later. So don't open that door and come next to me.

Min Yoongi was always like that. He was assertive and wouldn't let go once he got into a fight. In a way, it was a natural result. He learned early on how to control his emotions, as well as how to not back down when on the offensive, during the verbal battles that followed family events. It was the same at school. Even when a group of bullies tore down the front wall in front of him, Yoongi didn't bat an eyelid and fought back with logical arguments. From then on, the nickname "emotionless" seemed to have stuck with him like a tag.

Mom, I'm not your son.

Then get out!

I'll go out. I think it's right that I take responsibility for my decisions.

It wasn't that hard to drag myself out of the house, trapped in the pit of hell. It was dog-like.

Yoongi, did you get all your weapons?

I didn't see the notice today. The boss gave the order.

Brother, be quiet.

I told you not to talk about such trivial things when it's just the two of us. Can't you just look after me?

Now, the only warmth I have is from you. So, I'll be a little bolder. Come over, hyung.

Why do you keep doing this to me?

I told you I like you?

I don't like you. To my brother, Yoongi is just a younger brother that he cherishes.

Lie. You said you loved me.

That has a different meaning. Does loving mean loving everyone?

Was my brother's love the same in the end?

What does that mean?

There is no difference between mom, dad, and my older brother.

Please explain it so I can understand...

It was an empty love. Why is all love in the world so shitty? I was blinded by the fact that you loved me, so I only hung on to you. But that love wasn't just a formality? Do you know how much the word love means to me? I ran away from home because of love. I threw away my mom and dad's hands and ran away, and this place I arrived at is like a tragic suffocation, but even this place is a chain to me. It's funny, right? But you know what, hyung? I,

Once you open the door, you will never miss it. Remember that.

Ha... please... Yoongi.

yes?

Please let me live. Okay?

why?

Because of that characteristic of not letting go once he bites, Min Yoongi was greedy for Kim Seokjin.

And that desire,
Kim Seok-jin hung himself.

Brother, I tried to believe in love. But it felt like it would never work out. So, I wanted to somehow grasp this unbelievable love in my hands. Brother, you couldn't fulfill all my wishes. I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I couldn't be sweet to you until the end.

The pink shards of glass under Yoon-gi's feet turned red. After Seok-jin made a dramatic choice, Yoon-gi's identity quickly spread within SG. A will filled with feelings of injustice was found inside Yoon-gi's glove, and upon seeing it, the members of the organization cursed Yoon-gi like waves. They were full of sarcastic remarks like, "How can a junior threaten his senior so absurdly?" and "Was love that important?" Every time, Yoon-gi said nothing. Instead, I was the one who felt wronged. I was the one who got caught up in this cruel emotional game and, sadly, I was the one who was eating away at myself. Why do you only protect hyung and not me? Am I truly someone who cannot be loved by anyone?

Hey, Min Yoongi. Speak up. Are you speechless?

...

Huh, man. Now I know why Seokjin made that choice. Love? What is it that makes you risk your life for it? You're just a lunatic. You get it?

...I'm not crazy.

You are crazy.

no.

Crazy guy.

I'm not crazy.

Are you still human after doing that?

Min Yoongi?

How long had he been standing there? Taehyung, awake, walked briskly next to Yoongi. He said you were really busy earlier, aren't you going...? Oh, I should go. As usual, he was about to take a step through the open door, but the gun, loosely tucked between his clothes, fell with a splash of muddy water. Yoongi's expression hardened for a moment, and Taehyung's eyes, who had been watching, darkened. That... isn't it a gun? No. For a moment, Yoongi, frightened, tried to change the subject, trying to control the situation. Yoongi, the reason you brought me here... is that? To kill me? Taehyung squinted, and without looking back, he dashed over and hid behind the sofa. The reason his younger brother would have to live with a lifelong illness. Taehyung's younger brother, who had miraculously survived a near-death experience when a large bullet pierced his thin skin and grazed an artery, was unfortunately unable to move his own body. Taehyung, having witnessed this with his own eyes, couldn't help but be afraid of the gun. But the last chance I'd believed in, that turned out to be a ticking time bomb. The feeling of everything crumbling down engulfed my entire body. A desperate cry tore through my teeth. Yoongi's heart wasn't entirely at ease after hearing Taehyung's scream. It felt like even Taehyung was denying me. It felt like the ending would be cruel. That's why I tried to hide it until the very end. I wondered if this person would like me, if I could clearly be captured in those earnest eyes, so I harbored a grudge of expectation. How much good will do I have to show before you, Kim Taehyung, would find me disgusting? The last thing Yoongi saw before closing the door was Taehyung's expression, a pale blush of fear and slight terror that seemed to make his hands tremble. Ironically, the heat of his curled body couldn't dissipate the terrible cold rising from his toes. Like that, Taehyung chewed on his fear once more.

Tap, tap, rainwater pounded against the window. Taehyung, wrapped tightly in a blanket and with his eyes closed, turned his gaze toward the tightly shut door. Uh, um... He thought of Yoongi's back, who hadn't arrived yet. Just in case, he tossed the blanket to the floor and took hesitant steps toward Yoongi's room. He pulled the clumsily locked door open with a force. As soon as the door opened, a dark light and a neon sign appeared between them. Bloodstains here and there. It was scary. I must have the wrong person. I have to run quickly. Taehyung wiped away his tears and grabbed the numerous guns pointed at him. Gun, peace. If that person found out I snuck in here, what kind of gun would kill me? Maybe... it was my fault for being so oblivious and desperate to survive. I felt like I could do anything. But I was ignored and didn't receive a proper reward...

Ugh...

I cried because I was so sad and miserable. Now I won't be able to see my younger sibling or pay for their surgery. Oh, shit. This is life. How miserable. How can I be happy again? Where on earth is the end of the abyss that it's pulling me so deep into it? Love, I once believed that love could solve everything. I thought that even an empty love could be the driving force that moves a hardened heart. Min Yoongi is not the kind of person who will be shaken by whispering such things. Even if you throw a stone into sticky mud and make a small ripple, the moment that ripple hardens, only its shape remains and it disappears into the deep abyss.

Hey, Kim Taehyung.

But that abyss is a vast darkness formed by the clumps of tiny, torn wounds. If Min Yoongi is inside that darkness, and the swaying bubbles surrounding him are Kim Taehyung, then it is splendidly beautiful. Splendidly.

What are you doing there?

Ah... I just came in because I had nothing else to do.

I told you not to go in.

Min Yoongi. No, hyung Yoongi.

Why all of a sudden.

Do you know where the gun in your hand is pointing?

what?

Right now... you're trying to kill me.

With a very horrible expression.

like

Someone

Desperately

With a longing expression.

...

What kind of person are you, hyung? What do you do? Are you so evil that you would leave Kim Taehyung alone in this big house? Are you such a cold-hearted person who would shoot people in the chest without a second thought and leave a bitter smile on your face? I don't know why I keep trying to understand my hyung, who makes it impossible for me to escape from here, from the end of this gun barrel. I'd rather make you love me. So that you won't be so obsessed with me that you won't fire a single shot from that tiny gun. So that I can breathe a little easier.

Yoongi, crazy in love

Crazy

Yoongi

I want to make you fall in love

You're the crazy one

Fall in love

That's how Seokjin became like that

In love

It's because of you

love you.

I will love you, Taehyung.

Okay, then.

My goal was love anyway.

Taehyung chose love to survive. The romantic whispers of love sent ripples through the vast darkness, becoming the sweet fruit of the tree of knowledge. It's bitter at first bite, but then it's truly thrilling. You know, the kind where you cross a line you shouldn't cross and then you're instantly turned on, never to return. I thought that only existed in novels, didn't I? But when I think about it, my brother and I are no different. You probably didn't know it, but I was actually a child who desperately wanted to be loved. My mother was very busy. I'd never seen my father before, and my younger brother had been confined to the hospital since childhood, so I only saw him occasionally when he visited. At school, they teased me, calling me an orphan and ignoring my mother, calling me the older brother with a sick younger brother. Still, I wanted to be a trustworthy son. I read books diligently in middle school, didn't I? That's when I first learned the value of love. The story of two lovers who fought pettily, forgiving everything with a single word of love and living happily for the rest of their lives, and the story of a man who, blinded by love, chose death. I was just so thrilled by love. When I thought of the shadows that would collide with my lips with just one word of love, it was so heartbreaking.

There is something that feels beautiful.

I am,

Kim Taehyung,

In fact, I am not that responsible or dependable.

I got a call from my mom last night.

At the end, he always whispered that he loved me. Even though it was so hard, so painful, and he wanted to struggle.

When I was little, I felt sorry for the butterfly trapped in the trap. Never able to spread its beautiful wings in the air, it floundered in a narrow plastic box. It was a truly miserable sight. So, I developed a kind of sympathy for it. As I grew taller and bigger, my mother put me in school. A butterfly in a trap. I don't think my mother was particularly sympathetic. After all, she'd spent most of her life raising her children, how could she possibly have time for herself? She found me a real nuisance. More mouths mean more money. She hated the pressure that came with it, and she felt insecure. I didn't want to carry her things. Part-time jobs? Clubs? Anything that paid. I tried serving and even worked as a construction worker for a few months. Gradually, I became less and less the subject of my own life. I was passively led. I realized that, like a fish with fins that swims because of water, or a fallen deer that breathes because of air, not everything in the world exists for me, but that I have to cling to the world to live on my own. But even though I kept earning money and holding it in my hands, I didn't feel happy. Like a flowing stream that was forcibly tied up and trapped in my knuckles, even though I had everything, I still felt empty and blind somewhere. It felt like I had lost my reason to live. Who am I? Why am I working here? Will my younger sibling ever get better? Why does my mother hate me? And yet, why

Mom
do you love me?

I know it's hard for you, Mom. Why are you whining so petty? If you keep doing that, I really can't handle it.

So, I'm ruining myself by selling my body like this. Is it that hard to just say a word of thanks?

I love you, okay?

That's not what I mean.

I love you. What more can I say? Mom did the best she could.

Mom, you always said you loved Dad, even though you missed him so much. What did you gain from that? Do you know what comes to mind every time I look at a picture of the three of us? No, Mom, you don't know. You always say you love me at the end of every word. Do you love me because it's hard and because you want to die so badly? Is this the meaning of love? Why can't I receive proper love? Why can't I be loved properly? Why can't I be sincere?

And why,

Even though I knew I would get hurt

I don't know if I want to love.

Love is a fair deal for both parties

I will replace the debt that my mother shouldered.

If the principle of this scale is that you can receive as much love as you give, I will gladly throw myself into love.

What do you know?

That's my romance.

That's why I was making a joke.

Taehyung's lips covered Yoongi. A crude love, a series of careless shifts of responsibility. Between his teeth, which were parted tightly, two soft tongues of different temperatures mingled, creating a sticky noise. His eyes, which had been staring intently at nothing but emptiness, had long since vanished from the disparity that had darkened the shadows beneath his eyebrows. He yearned only for love. Like the common afterimages conceived for love. If you were in my world, and I were curled up in your wide embrace, could my indifference, my indifference, my loneliness, my sorrow, my sadness, my malice… all be washed away? A deep sea in the blue abyss filled the empty space of the vast mass of darkness. Clouds drifted, yet not transparent, a mere desperation. Perhaps so many landscapes were needed to fill the flowers and make them bloom. Love, a small spark never ignited, against the backdrop of a breathtaking scenery, dyes the white canvas red and makes the very essence of the heart boil. Yoongi, who grabbed Taehyung's slender hand, dug his teeth into his round shoulder. Bondage, the bonds of salvation. The masterpiece being firmly engraved was quite a sight. Taehyung groaned softly and shivered as the sensation grew increasingly dizzying. As the pervert rose to the peak of his evil, his once noble breathing became rougher, and the clashing heat of hometown love made it impossible to see clearly. So he shouted. The dreamy feeling he had never felt before made it difficult to even open his mouth properly to speak, but he kept feeling that it had to be now. Min Yoongi and Kim Taehyung, the enemy waiting to take a bite of the fruit of the tree of knowledge of good and evil and chew it, mingled like that.

In a world of sharp threads created by each other.

On a small island, in a ruined sand castle.

Who did I tell you to catch? Kill some weird kid I've never seen before?

커다란 음성이 버럭버럭 튀어나와 꽉 쥐어진 손의 숨결을 더 가빠지게 만들었다. 제 앞에서 역겨운 눈동자를 굴리며 사죄와 반성, 그리고 복종을 외치는 보스의 얼굴을 바라보던 윤기가 입꼬리를 올리며 웃어댔다. 하하하. 보스님. 저는 우물 안의 개구리가 아니에요. 잘난 네가 키우는 개새끼도 아니고요. 차라리 부패와 타락을 논하시지 그래요? 사람 머리에 구멍 하나 박아넣는 거, 그게 그렇게 쉬운 일인가? 사람들은 왜 나를 기시하죠? 정작 나를 이렇게 만든 건 치 떨리게 살벌한 분위기 속 청승맞게 구는 애 만도 못한 어른들인데. 세상 앞에 발걸음 내딜 공간을 안 줬잖아. 내 매일 밤은 목이 졸리는 것 처럼 황홀하다가도 괴악해져요. 아찔한 사랑이 시야 속에 담기면서도 손만 뻗으면 허탕질이야. 차라리 진흙 묻힌 사탕을 입에 물고 싶어요. 진득하게나마 떨어지지 않을테니까. The tongue, like a bird's beak, is bleak, and yet the unceasing heartbeat slowly sweeps away and destroys the sand castle I've slowly built. The end of the abyss I'd willingly held onto was only a deeper darkness. Now, I'm holding onto the crumbling sand castle and wailing at the rough, yet soft sensation flowing down. It's so bittersweet. I become exhausted just by loving. Boss, can you kill someone you love? Do you believe in love? What would you say? Why did you put Kim Taehyung on the grindstone and pound him with that sharp mortar? He didn't do anything wrong, did he? That fact so infuriated me that I felt like I would kill him if I didn't do that. What did he say? Kim Taehyung sleeping with another man? And that man is your brother? He comes to you every night demanding money? Is Kim Taehyung a beggar? He only looks at me. Where did he hear such a slip of the tongue and decide to kill Kim Taehyung? In the world we've created, we're all one. So, say it one more time. Then I'll slit your wrists.

Crunch, the cold wind shriveled my fingernails, each one aching. The growing suspicion beneath my belief that we'd be perfect. Even with that thought, there were still some lingering issues. Last night, ever since Taehyung confessed his love, he hadn't been able to sit still for a moment. His slightly desperate, hurried pace, even tying his shoes, had forced me to agree to his request to go outside. Until now, from the moment Yoongi left the house after receiving a call from SG early in the morning, until now, when the air grew dark and the streetlights began to illuminate the street. Strangely, Taehyung hadn't returned. A tingling headache, a tingling sensation of déjà vu, a sense of unavoidable disconnection, was starting to ache. Where on earth did he go? Yoongi's eyes, searching for traces of Taehyung, thirsted for the distant silence. A red bruise formed between his furrowed brows, and he reluctantly ran. The air in the spacious house was deplorably suffocated. Quickly, I searched for Taehyung's clothes. Fortunately, they were crumpled and easy to find, tucked under the sofa. Still, like a torn thread between a cute pajama, like a wound that will never heal no matter how much you untie it, the dull emotion etched deep in my heart refused to shut up. I told you I loved you, didn't I? It's okay, even now. Come back to me. Shit, come back. It's okay, after all...

Only love

Let me hold you.

My last remaining thing

You are so beautiful,

A love I didn't want to believe in

You were the one who forced it into my chest.

why

Are you gone and only the ruined sand castle is blown away by the wind?

Please... I'm begging you. Don't leave me. My world is already dark without you. Whisper to me that everything I've heard was a lie, that you still only love me. Otherwise, I think I'll go crazy again, Taehyung.

Dying is painful, right?

Brother. Min Yoongi.

I'm here, Yoongi.

Where have you been? Come back now. As soon as he heard Taehyung's voice, Yoongi's body trembled and stood up. Taehyung's expression, which had returned with his slightly worn-out body, was somehow filled with warmth, and the light shining through his heart even seemed bright. Ah, I went to visit my little brother in the hospital. Because today is my brother's birthday. But why were you so urgent in the morning? Phew, are you suspecting me now? You ignored all the calls I made to tell you to come home early? I'm sorry about that, but I need time to enjoy my freedom too, hyung. Is there anything else I can do in this big house besides love? Hey. Why? Starting tomorrow, stay by my side.

...all right.

Taehyung's eyes, gazing at Yoongi, were filled with passion. He leaned closer to Yoongi and rested his head on the sofa. Slowly, his sleepy eyes closed, his body grew languid, and the two arms he had placed on his shoulders fell limply. "Thud." The sound that tore apart the two who had been silent for a long time was like the sound of a giant sand castle, painstakingly built by gathering, solidifying, and stacking grains of sand, helplessly collapsing. Perhaps a gunshot twice as dull, ten times sharper—

Was it similar?

Can't an unloved being love? Oh, miserably so. Then why do you crave love? I simply thought I'd be happy if I was loved. I thought the sadness, emptiness, urgency, and longing I felt during my brother's death would ease a little. I believed the vicious cycle of my mother, who, the moment I fell in love, would cast a resentful glare and drive ice into my heart with her cracked voice, wouldn't repeat itself. I longed for someone to completely steal my heart. So, even if I were to be slowly torn apart, from the inside out, until I couldn't come to my senses, and my entire body was a mess, I would gladly accept even a candy ball soaked in mud by rolling it around. Love was invisible to me, but it was like a string. The joy of tuning, of chopping up the fruit of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil into tiny pieces, rubbing it on my red tongue, and mixing it, was terribly sweet. I couldn't help but marvel at the colorful busts fabricating love. They truly looked as ethereal as if they were creations of God. We had love, no, in my hands, but I still couldn't hold on to that love, and I'm ruined like this. And then I realized. I,

I don't know love. So I can't sense what kind of feeling is love, and even if the warmth I feel is love, I can't accept it itself. Loving is harder than I thought. You have to put everything you have on the gambling table and bet to get it. Of course, the winner will have fun. But the pitiful person who is swayed and thrown away in the name of love will eventually vomit blood and die. It must have been a sin to be the first to give up on love, unable to handle it. Because once love begins, it truly grows endlessly. I fell into gambling with a person named Min Yoongi, and in the end, I was the one who let go first. I wanted a heartbreaking and ordinary love like everyone else. I guess the ultimatum of my life was a tragedy. I sold my soul for the words "I love you" that I heard with every breath when I was young, and under the time of familiarity that came back, I must have abandoned compassion.

If I had known love was this dangerous, I wouldn't have even started.

Why did I, knowing that I would end up like this?

Every single piece of fantasy, every thorn, a fleeting moment that cannot be caught even if you breathe

Could it have been that good?

I was so debauched. I wanted a stimulus that would dye my purity. But you know. Even if I pour red wine on white cotton, even if I imbue each thread with the scent of rotten grapes, the essence never changes. A deep abyss is only deep, a crumbling sandcastle is only crumbling, and a tragic love is only tragic. And Kim Taehyung, who can't love, can't love.

that's right.

This is the conclusion I have reached,

Now no one can resist.

My holy, persistent romantic thoughts.

Why?

I think that last one-

Death,

I've known that for a long time.

Min Yoongi was a sin to me.

So I cried and prayed.

Please just kill me.

So that I can die in the hands of the person I love

help.

When I die and my body becomes lighter

Please let me be loved at that time.

Please help me live with strong legs, not a crumbling sand castle.

If I collapse, the love I was receiving will collapse as well.

Then the chance to catch it will disappear.

therefore,

Don't bring me back to life.

The moment I open my eyes

I feel like I really can't stand it anymore and I'm going to collapse.

Because the nightmare-like memories keep repeating and I feel like I'm falling into the abyss

That's because I'm scared.

So I'm going to die today.

Because there is no weapon in the world greater than fear.

Yoongi's fingertips pointed the gun at Taehyung, but then hesitantly sank it back down. He already knew that he shouldn't grant Taehyung's earnest request to kill him, but he couldn't resist the languid feeling of his lips roughly pressing against his. Min Yoongi is a coward. He hesitates endlessly in front of the trigger for fear of losing his love until the very end. Taehyung. If our romance can be achieved even after death, if our love can remain unbroken and in a practical form, then I will gladly grant your request. Whether it be poison, medicine, a knife, or a gun. Then our love will not end like this, right? Right? You can definitely protect one love, right?

Yes, that's right. Taehyung smiled faintly. The dark afterimage on Taehyung's face was darker than usual, and the sweet melody of the solo that went down his throat was cruel but beautiful. Ah, a soft requiem could be heard from right beside him. Taehyung, who was barely supporting his body weight by cracking his fingernails, relaxed and slowly reached out his hand toward the rough ripples. The shackles of the past rushing in like chains. Memories of love, pieces of broken candy. A butterfly in the mud, the final sound of a gun. And a falling heart and silence. In the middle of it all, Min Yoongi was laughing, and Kim Taehyung was shouting his love with a bright smile.

Mom, I...

I feel so happy right now.

I'm dying now.

If that happens, I will never be able to see my mother again.

Don't be sad about that.

I've been hurt enough, I've been resented enough.

I just took a step outside the confines of being a mother.

I'm sorry I couldn't be a good son until the end.

Still, I have a mother,

I would have loved you so much.

Until the last moment my heart beats.

Taehyung's eyes snapped shut. Lying face-to-face on the hard floor, his body had already lost its warmth, growing cold in an instant. Yoongi lowered his head, staring at the pungent blood seeping from his clouded heart. Our romance was never close, yet far apart. Like the apple of good and evil, we were drawn together knowingly, and ultimately punished. I, who shouldn't have desired love, committed the crime and lost you, and you, who couldn't give love, left me trying to achieve it. In the final game, there is no winner. Love is fair, you have to receive what you give. Even if the tip of this gun scatters my memories here and there, I will tighten my grip on the trigger. I will never let you escape. Our world is too corrupted to believe in love, and our lungs are too rotten to let out a soft breath. The romanticism rising above me like a fallen spear was too intense, you fool.

We have been from the beginning

It's inserted incorrectly.

Our
The beginning may be small, but the ending will be great.

Everyone starts out small. But how do we become great? We're still small. We're so small that we can't even grasp a single emotion and we died. That's right, you died and I

Dying.

Crazy love, crazy love. A sassy romance. So today too, I sip this bloody wine and get drunk on your scent. One sip, two sips, three sips, five sips.

Oh, your donation is missing.

All the memories with you

Filling the crumbling wine glass to the brim

bang.

I loved you, Taehyung.

Our romance was soon a mask.

The romantic sorrow I so longed for.

Character count: 18,330 characters
Number of photos: 7

Romantic sadness fin.