Sounds stupid, right?
🎵 Love Myself - BTS
On a day I went to school like any other, I met a "friend," a type of human connection I'd had with others, and we chatted about various things. Friends, to me, are perhaps the most important of all human relationships, yet also the most difficult and challenging.
I've been trying to please others for some time now. Now, I smile so much it's almost boring. Whenever I'm in front of others, I immediately burst out laughing. Honestly, this smile is fake. I just want to impress them.
But looking back, I'm expressionless, so I don't really know myself. It's a little heartbreaking to see myself acting like this. Some people look down on me for smiling brightly, some disapprove of me for smiling, and some mistake this for real.
Before I knew it, I felt like a fool, and it was exhausting and painful. The weight of being just me was just too heavy. It was just thick.
There are too many masks.
.
.
.
.
"lol"
"Right, you know. This time~"
Honestly, I don't really care. What he says, to all humans.
"Oh really~?"
I don't want to react, but it comes out automatically. A fake reaction that doesn't seem forced, but rather genuine. This is my thick mask.
"Oh lol, this is awesome, right? Wowㅠㅠ I told you my heart was really pounding.."
"I guess so ㅜㅜ"
"Do you want to go to the ♡♡ library together next time?"
"Good~!^^"
"Haha, right~!, Oh, we have to break up now.."
"Goodbye! Take care on the way...ㅠㅠ"
"ok!!"
.
.
.
"Oh, right, and~"
"Oh. Really?" Chin1
"Yeah haha, that's why I bought some for you too!"
"Oh, thank you.. haha" Chin1
"Hey guys, what is that??" Chin2
"It's so pretty~!!"
"Oh, this is just hand cream haha"
"Oh~!"
"Want one too? I have two..!"
"Wow, thank you ㅠㅠ"
"Haha here!"
I give everything I have to others and try to please them
It's stupid.
He is a fool himself.
But the reason it's so hard and painful is because there's no one to confide in.
It's so hard for me. I can't tell my family, afraid they'll only hear advice. My close friends don't seem to listen deeply to me, and the friend I used to rely on has become less than a friend due to misunderstandings. My best friend is incredibly busy.
Whenever I contact them, they never seem to have the time to listen. Is it just me? Is it just me who finds it difficult to open up?
.
.
.
'I feel so stupid... why am I doing this?'
"I want to throw away all human relationships and everything else. Why should I risk my life for something like this?"
"How long will I have to live like this? When will I be able to coolly refuse requests... Am I truly the lowest of the low in this world?"
It wouldn't be an exaggeration to say I was trapped in a deep darkness, trapped by a constant stream of thoughts. The endless stream of questions made my mind dizzy. After all, I knew myself better than anyone else.
Why am I the only one who doesn't know myself?
"I think I can stop thinking about it now..."
That's when you showed up.
"Who..?"
I looked around in fear. I was so scared that my body trembled.
"hi?"
"Eww!!"
"Woah, woah...calm down...I didn't mean to startle you..."
"who..?"
"Um...I'm Park Jimin!"
"How did you get into my room..?"
"Phew, lol, you don't have to use honorifics~"
"ah.."
"You want to know how I got in?"
"I'm not human, just... think of me as another living being."
"Other...lifeforms?"
"Hmm... a bit pure? Something like that... a bit less than an angel??"
"angel..?"
"Yeah, yeah, but that doesn't mean they're all that kind like angels, nor are they all that bad like demons. They're just beings who protect and help small, precious creatures who are having a hard time."
"A fairy...like being.."
"Fairy.. haha okay, let's call it that."
"Am I... precious? Are you going to help me?"
"Yeah! You're so dark.. You could shine so beautifully, but you're so dark, and you have this mask on inside! So I'm going to help you take it off."
"why..?"
“That’s how I can get to know the real you and find the shining you.”
"I told you, you're too dark. Light naturally shines in the dark, because that's how it shines brighter. That's why you're trying to find it in your current state, and I'm here to help you find it."
"ah..."
"You, you are truly special. Even among the dirty, evil, and selfish people, you are pure, beautiful, and shining. That's why I came to find you..."
"I see..."
"Yeah, so from now on, tell me everything. I'll listen to your stories. And I'll help you so you can smile for real."
"really?"
"huh!!"
.
.
"I'm Jimin Fairy, just like you said, I wear a mask. In front of people, I wear a mask that makes it look like I'm really smiling, I take care of them, I give them everything... And as I do that, the people around me become a mess, and I only get hurt... And in the end, misunderstandings pile up, and I only give them burdens, so they turn away... They get hurt... And I hurt them too... And even with all this, am I a precious, special, and shining being?"
"I hurt those people too?"
"Yeah, you deeply regret the things you've hurt, and you're sorry. You turned back after a moment, but you did your best for them. You gave them enough. You were hurt enough. And you genuinely want to apologize to them. That's why you shine. You have a different heart."
"I think I'm stupid.. haha"
"how about you?"
"Doesn't that sound stupid?"
"It's stupid~! It's just pretty~!!"
"uh..?"
"The conversation is getting too late today... Should I just go to sleep? I think you're too tired... I'll come back tomorrow night! Good night!"
.
.
.
After I poured out my heart to you like that, I felt much better.
I felt a little more confident about my existence.
Are you saying that you can help me grow little by little like this..?
Please take good care of me..Jimin Fairy..!
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I'm writing this because I was working on my homework at dawn..🤍
There are many meanings in this text..!
Find out what this article means and leave a comment🔍🔍🤍
(Red Jiminy is so cute..❤)