calf love
(※ Please note that the content is disorganized)
A reckless, immature love. It wasn't even my first love, and you might laugh at what a "mature love" is, but if there were a word to describe our relationship, there was no better. The sentiment of a novice in love, trying to fathom another's emotions without even fully grasping my own. Yes, to me, you were a "mature love."
"............"
"...Jungkook, let's meet just once. No, can't you meet me?"
"What is that..."
"Really... Really, I'll do well.
I really like you. More than you can imagine."
"............"
The reason I dated you was never because I liked you. It was simply a spark of curiosity. It was a purity that was different from the begging and clinging that would come from wanting to see me. Unlike other women who would do anything to get me, who would rush to me at the first sight, you were a woman who was truly pure and unwavering, always looking only at me.
You didn't cross the line, nor did you watch me from afar. It was your own way. Yes, the most apt expression would be, "I just seeped into you." I fell for you without even realizing it. Of course, my ignorance was the starting point.
I just wondered where you, a woman like me, would end up. Do you truly love me? It's childish, but back then, I was a self-centered person who thought I was the best in the world. I knew I was so great, no one could find anything to criticize me for. I wondered what it was about you, a person with nothing but ridiculous self-love, that made you cling to me. Without even a shred of affection.
"...Hey, when you see me, all you can say is 'Yeah.' 'No.' 'Not really.'"
“Are you only missing me again? You only like me again, don’t you?”
"What are you talking about, sis?"
"I love you so much, sister. You're mistaken, sister."
"......really?"
"Of course. If I didn't like you, why would I date you?"
"You know, I never do anything I don't like."
You seemed like you'd be instantly angry at me, yet you slowly nodded, tailslapping me in response to my few sweet words. If it had been another girl, I would have been quick to shake you off, but instead, you were the one who let it go. I felt like an idiot. What could possibly make me do that? What is that feeling of liking? You cried and laughed at my single word.
And I wondered how far you'd go. I wanted to know you more. As I grew more curious about you, more eager to know you, and more interested in you, I dismissed the three annoying words "curiosity." Looking back, it's clear to see that I was foolishly unaware of the feelings of love. That's right. It wasn't you, it was me who was mistaken.
I knew that as time went on, my sister would grow weary. But I didn't really care. If I treated her a little better, she'd probably turn on me again. I knew she couldn't live without me. Unaware that my complacent and shallow feelings were hurting her so much, I kept shaking her whenever she tried to let go.
"...say it again."
"Let's break up, Jungkook."
"..........."
"I'm sorry, no, I'm not sorry."
"I get goosebumps just looking at you. I didn't know it before, but I understand now why everyone thinks you're trash."
"You're a kid who only knows yourself. Whether others live or die, you'll only care about yourself for the rest of your life. That's you, Jeon Jungkook."
"...Why are you like this today, my sister? What's wrong?"
"Who did that to you? What kid did that to you, huh?"
"Did the senior you mentioned before say that? Should I scold him?"
"...Jeon Jungkook, you,"
"Or should we go get some cake? Something sweet will cheer you up, sis."
"Hey, do you think I'm joking?"
".........."
A chill settled in my eyes. The two eyes looking at me were so cold. Could it be? Had I seen wrong? Your eyes no longer liked me. No, they hated me. Do you hate me? How could you? That's impossible.
In an instant, countless words you'd said to me flashed through my mind. That longing voice, begging me to look at you just once. What were your eyes like then? I can't quite recall. Or, had I ever truly looked you in the eye? Had I ever met your gaze and tried to get to know you?
The emotions I'd tried to dismiss as mere curiosity overtook me in a different way. Yes, this was too much to dismiss as curiosity; my feelings for you had grown. Without realizing it, my heart swelled. A dizzying feeling I'd desperately tried to hide, or rather, refused to acknowledge.
Yes, I like you. You should have been by my side. You should have made me smile while you were there. That was the you I knew. No, the you who liked me. When I thought it was too late, you had lost all affection for me. I finally realized you liked me, and now you didn't like me. It was a truly ridiculous scene.
"헤어져, 이 개새끼야."
".......Sister,"
"I really want you to feel how I feel. I hope it hurts just as much as I do, or even several times more."
"........."
"Please, let's not run into each other. No, even if we do, don't pretend to know each other."
"Just a moment, Sister. Listen to me just this once."
"I'm going, Jungkook."
"It was dirty meeting you, let's never see each other again."
Jungkook's outstretched hand vanished before his eyes, seemingly insignificant. Seeing her, who had appeared and vanished like a mirage, Jungkook could only laugh in vain. "What have I done so far?" Regretting it now was pointless, but he couldn't stop the regret that surged in like an ebb tide.
Jungkook clenched his dropped hand. He was scared. He was afraid even the lingering scent of the heroine would fade. The comforting scent of the heroine that always lingered on him was fading away at an alarming rate. Even when I turned around coldly, even when the scent had disappeared for a while, I was now beginning to feel afraid.
Is this what they mean when they say you have to disappear to realize something? Jungkook looked at the door where the last silhouette of the female protagonist had appeared, then ruffled his hair and squeezed his eyes shut.Damn. I miss you already.What could someone who only just realized their feelings so late know? Timing seemed to be the absolute truth in love. If love only flares up on one side, it'll only burn that person black.
calf love
"Stop drinking, kid. You don't care about the future, do you?"
"Shut up, I'm not in the mood for you."
"Damn it. I called you while I was losing."
It was you who came.With those words behind him, Jeongguk drank the bitter drink. He had a look that said, "There's a story, obviously." People say that when they drink, they forget for a moment, but he didn't. It was more of a blur.
I wasn't the type to particularly enjoy alcohol, but I couldn't erase you when I was sober. Even when I was drunk, I still missed you.
"Just go to Kim Yeo-ju and ask for everything."
"...Huh, do you think my sister will look after me?"
"It's much better than just acting so pathetic."
Shut up... what do you know?Jungkook put down his glass with a loud noise and got up from his seat for some reason, and Taehyung shouted at him, asking where he was going in such a precarious situation.
Jungkook ignored Taehyung's call and trudged toward the door. Perhaps it was a habit, or perhaps it was a gesture of consideration for Taehyung's presence. He paid with his card at the register. Taehyung sighed as he watched Jungkook.
"Hey... Should I go first?"
"Where are you going with that spirit?"
"Come find mine."
......you crazy bastard.Even if he pretended not to, Taehyung's words must have been quite a stimulant. It was true that it was better to win over Yeoju's heart as soon as possible rather than just drinking with Kim Taehyung. No matter what, Suddenly getting up and going to the female lead? And being so drunk, at that. Taehyung frowned and shook his head, clearly seeing something unbearable, as if he'd just kicked the blankets tomorrow.
And Jungkook, perhaps feeling better at the thought of Yeoju, left the bar with a smile on his face. I wonder if they'll accept that...
/
"......jungkook jeon?"
"Hey, it's you, sister."
Our pretty female lead.As soon as Jungkook saw Yeoju, he rushed over and snatched her into his arms. He happened to run into her on his way to her house. Unable to resist, she was trapped in Jungkook's embrace. The confusion faded, but the pungent smell of alcohol filled her nostrils, and she understood the situation.
She tried to push him away, but his strength was so strong. She couldn't even move. No matter how hard she tried, Jeongguk seemed unwilling to let go, hugging her and burying his face in the crook of her neck.
"...Ha, what are you doing?"Get away from me right now."
"Sister......."
"You should have done well when you had the chance. You should have looked after me when I asked you to."
"I'm... sorry, I'm really sorry..."
"I just realized that I like you."
"I was stupid. I was so mean to you, and I hurt you..."
"Jungkook,"
...huh. It was cold. There was no warmth in the voice calling out to Jungkook. Jungkook sensed it, too, and so he hugged Yeoju even tighter. I know it's too late, but I can't turn back time...
Life doesn't flow as smoothly as a romance comic. It means that, like any other comic, there can't always be a happy ending. Oh, maybe the heroine has already made it to the end.
The heroine took another deep breath. The stench of alcohol lingered in her nostrils, but your scent lingered here and there. Just a moment ago, she'd longed for this scent, yearned to smell it, but now, why? You still smelled the same, but she didn't like you as much as before.
"I don't love you anymore."
"......lie."
Tears threatened to well up in my eyes. I wanted to deny this reality. The way she looked at me, her voice, her expression—everything felt unfamiliar. Was my sister like that? I think I can finally understand your heart.
It hurts. My heart aches so much. The reality slowly creeping in is so cold. It feels like my sister has truly turned away from me. She's right before my eyes, but it feels like she'll disappear any moment. Everything feels precarious and unstable.
"I guess that's what you want to believe."
"Please go now, Jungkook. I can't stand to look at your face."
"...Sister, please...don't go......"
Despite Jeongguk's tearful voice, Yeoju passed him by. Yeoju probably thought that was a lie too. "How much have you hurt me? Now I won't be swayed by someone like you, nor will I have to worry about it alone."
You're drifting away again. I've always worn you down, but now that I'm finally turning around, you've already drifted farther away from me. This is all my own doing. If only I'd realized it sooner... No, if only I'd liked you from the moment I met you. If only I'd loved you more. By now, you'd be smiling brightly beside me.
/
Foot love
It's been three months since he broke up with his sister. If you ask if he's forgotten now, the answer would be "no." Jungkook couldn't forget Yeoju. He probably won't for a while. He still wanted to run to her and hug her tightly, but he secretly calmed his racing heart.
Three months passed, and the seasons changed. Spring arrived once again. Falling petals reminded me of Yeoju, but I decided to try to erase them. I couldn't remain captivated by a love that had already ended.
"..."I guess it's because the weather is nice. I want to see you more."
You were my first love. You made me feel again how I had taken your feelings, your love, for granted. A foolish, immature love, not even knowing I liked you, only realizing it after we drifted apart. A love that burned brightly and then died out. That's how I want to define our moments together.
.
.
.
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Phew, I'm finally uploading this! 😖
How have you all been! I haven't been posting fanflies since May because of the exam period...🙄 It's been a while since I wrote, so it feels new. Anyway, I'd appreciate it if you read it nicely :) 💖
🌸 Sonting 🌸